Help me please

[helpmeimlost]

I am married with 2 DC of my own 13 and 7 and a DSS 12.
Been with DH 4 years.
DSS is an only child and due to an alcoholic mother lives with us full time.
He is lovely at times, and I want to say from the off that I do love him.
He isn't an easy child though and has been indulged and spoiled by GP and DH from day one. He is extremely manipulative and bright and can lie on the spot, as I guess can most children. However he has narc traits as does his mother and because of the way his mother has been, his father and GP have compensated for her.
He needs to be centre of attention all the time and is very loud and domineering and I try to be sympathetic with this because of the situ with his mother and the fact that we all live together.
I find it draining to be honest.
We are currently on holiday and I just want to go home.
He constantly tries to get my DD into trouble and lies to effect this.
I catch him constantly trying to hurt her or to make out that she is hurting him. She is 7. It's exhausting. When I pull him on his behaviour he instantly has an answer and DH fails to see what is actually going on and won't hear a bad word said about his DS. It is affecting my relationship with DSS because I do see what is going on.
It has been causing problems for me and DH because he feels I don't like his DS as I'm always saying that he is doing these things.
I feel like I'm going mad!
What can I do to cope with this situation?

[allnewtaketwo]

Honestly? Run a mile

[queenofthepirates]

I think you need to assertively tackle your partner and be frank with him. You DSS is a child but you and your DP will do him no favours by ignoring this kid of behaviour. he needs a united front and boundaries from both of you in the absence of his mum.

Likewise your duty is to protect your children. I think you need to lay this on the line and if your DP won't respond, suggest Relate.

best of luck

[DeskPlanner]

No advice I'm afraid, I'm not a sp. But for you. It sounds very difficult.

[Stepmooster]

Take a look at this thread, Finally cracked with Disney dad and his goody goody son

The OP on that thread has issued an ultimatum to her DP in order to protect her child. She's sticking by her guns and its working.

Stand up to your DP, don't back down you owe it to your little girl.

Good luck! X

[purpleroses]

Can you take a bit of time out with just your two? Let your DSS have some one to one time with his dad? It's tough trying to be a blended family full time - I'm glad I don't have to do it every day. Can you do less holidays all together and a bit more separately? Or do some separate activities when you are all away together? Sounds from what you say as if DSS is maybe jealous of your DD - do you think maybe he sees you being close to her and is aware of what he doesn't have with his mum?

[Jan45]

It's the usual story isn't it, sorry, I know it's hard, I wud try stepping back a bit, don't be so involved with him, go do stuff with your little girl as much as possible and let daddy be daddy, most of the time, it's us stepmums doing all the work, including the morals of raising a child, the men seem to be pretty poor at this.

Speak to you OH, he needs to at least acknowledge your opinion, it's the non acknowledgement that drives us mad.

[UC]

Agree with queenofthepirates. Ultimately, you need to look after your child. You need to do what is best for her, and for you. Definitely consider counselling or life coaching. It sounds as though everyone is enabling this behaviour. It won't benefit anyone in the long run.

Good luck...

[Rainbowinthesky]

I don't think it's so relevant that he is a step child. His behaviour, regardless of not being a full sibling, towards your dd is unacceptable and she must be protected. I agree with other posters who say take a step back and let dh do more of the parenting. He may have issues but that's for his dh to deal with not you and your other kids.