"I thought Daddy was the boss"

[HappyWanderer]

Anyone else ever hear this? :(

I looked after her during a local bank holiday while DH, her mum and her stepdad all went off to work - the last time we did this, we had a great time together.

For the most part, she was good. But then decided in the afternoon that despite going to the pool, going to the park and going to the library that day, that she was bored, getting out of the house was boring, and staying inside watching TV all day was a much, much better thing to do. This escalated later to lofty, one-word commands ("High School Musical." Full stop!), and just general snottiness (I put a blanket over her for watching said DVD and get "Can you do it properly, please?"). And when I said "You're not the boss," got "I thought Daddy was the boss."

Had a wee vent with my partner when he came home and realized 1) I am indeed going straight back to work when I have my own babies and 2) I have probably been trying to be her friend rather than her parent, and perhaps that is why she sees me the way she does. But when I first met her, I tried way too hard to be her parent and I think came across way too harsh - she is sensitive, bursts into tears when you are the least bit cross with her, and told her father last summer that she did indeed believe Daddy loved HappyWanderer more than he loved her.

Anyone else struggling with that balance? Does it get easier?

[glasscompletelybroken]

er - yes... and no.

Sorry!

[nenevomito]

Kids cry when you get cross with them and kids also can be rude. If its any consolation at all, DS tried to tell me that daddy was the boss and I'm not his step mum.

Being a friend is less fraught than trying to be a parent so its not that you've done it wrong as she shouldn't be rude to friends either.

My advice - having been through this and out the other side - is that when they get like this is to go "suit yourself" get yourself a cup of tea and put on something that you want to watch. DSD always capitulated after back to back home improvement programmes.

I'm guessing from how she was speaking to you that she's between 8-11 (correct me if I'm wrong).

[witchwithallthetrimmings]

so if you were her mum you would probably conclude that she was pushing boundaries to see how far she could go and making sure that you will always be there for her no matter what she does

speaking as someone who was/is a step daughter but with not a sm as sensitive and thoughtful as you my guess is the same applies here

[HappyWanderer]

Hah, no, she's 5 and a half! She does have a precocious, somewhat cheeky 9 year-old cousin that she idolises, maybe she's getting an example there.

Thank you for the comments. I'm also not used to having bad days on my own with her - her dad had a 4.5-year head start and is a lot more used to putting her in her place when she needs it.

[LovingChristmas]

Hmmm, I sorted this with a very calm, you will respect all adults in the house as you are a child (although that does sound snooty now) and if you would like me to do something you ask in the proper way, if you can't then don't be upset when you want something and don't get it. Stuck him out on it a few times and it soon sorted itself out.

[balia]

Ooh, I remember DSS going through a 'waterworks' phase - everytime we went out he would turn them on when we had to come home. A bit embarassing as DS (who was much younger) was as good as gold! But I think it was tied up with the whole idea of things being over and having to go home - he just wanted to spend more time with his Dad. He grew out of it.