I was going to put this in parenting, but as it relates to DSS, I thought it might attract some negativity there.....
As DSS is getting older, he is beginning to push and test the boundaries, and DP (and I) find ourselves having to work harder than DP did a few years ago
DSS lives with his mum, but spends nearly a third of his time with us; and half of all school holidays.
We have identified with him specific behaviours that are unacceptable in our home - the most important being that he does not listen to, or deliberately disregards, adult instructions; this could get him into trouble at school as he gets older, or put him at risk of harm, so we want to address this as soon as possible.
The problem is, he seems impervious to rewards or consequences, and we are a loss as to what is high value to him so he will actually consider his choices carefully before he acts. I think that this is partly due to the lifestyle we lead - we have no TV, or games consoles to withhold.
Because he has limited time with us, his clubs and out-of-school activities are not in our total control, and he misses them frequently when in his mums care, so attending seems to be something he can take or leave.
He welcomes his pocket money from DP, but saves it for months before buying a high-value item he wants, so missing a week has little impact.
The only time we see him enthusiastic about something is when he has a new lego set to build - but we don't want to get into the pattern of rewarding him by buying something, and it's not something we can really confiscate as a consequence - it is the challenge of the new set that thrills him, the models then sit on his shelves untouched. The other thing he enjoys doing is baking cakes with DP - we actually managed to get him to stop picking his nose constantly be saying that he couldn't bake until he broke the habit......so that's something we can use, but not exclusively?
Any ideas?
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Step-parenting
Rewards and Consequences for an eight year old boy - ideas please?
6 replies
NotaDisneyMum · 15/08/2011 21:56
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