Social anxiety, maybe aspergers? - recommendations needed

[snickersorbounty]

My teenage daughter has always had troubles socially. She was selective mute in primary schol and still gets very anxious talking to unknowns. Difficulties include going out alone, buying something in a shop, being at a party, meeting new people, putting hand up in class, coping with change... The thought of giving a presentation causes real distress. However, she is doing well at school, getting good grades, and although she can find it difficult to maintain close friendships, she does have friends. We have spoken recently about how she is finding life particularly difficult at the moment. She worries a lot about what others think of her and is getting more panicky about situations. I have thought that she was coping ok, and not intervened much before - she is who she is and does not want support from me. Now I feel that I should do more to help her as she is clearly putting on a brave face but not coping at all. I have spoken to her about seeing a doctor or talking to school and she hates the idea (obv this would involve talking to adults so virtually impossible). She is quite embarrassed about the situation. I am considering self-help, e.g books, online training for social anxiety etc. However, I am worried to throw more light on the situation and make it worse, or make her feel that there is something wrong with her that needs 'fixing'. Can anyone recommend what has worked for them?

[BlankTimes]

It's so hard trying to broach the subject in the right way, isn't it?
make her feel that there is something wrong with her that needs 'fixing'
Knowing that different does not mean inferior or wrong is a good thing to reinforce, repeatedly.

Would she do something like the AQ test online?
If not, do it yourself and answer in the way you've observed her, just to get an idea, then you can broach the subject.

Definitely look at online resources, Girl with the Curly Hair to see if she recognises any parallels, lots of girls on youtube discussing their autism.
They're not as obvious as having a book lying around that other people may see, if you think she'd be sensitive to that.

[anniehm]

It took a long time to get dd to engage with her counselling, despite being formally diagnosed as a toddler. It was only as she approached GCSEs and was missing more school than she attended she agreed and now she's begging to see her again but can't as she's now over 18 (no equivalent for adults here). She needs to do things her way but trying to get her to agree to be assessed, assuring her you can be with her is a start (I still go with dd to appointments at 20! But she does write everything down in advance at least)

[Minty]

Hi @snickersorbounty I don't know if you're still around to read this two months later :)

Your DD sounds a lot like me as a teen. I've never been diagnosed with anything but often wondered if I have ASD/ADHD. I think your DD is very lucky to have a mum who wants to do something proactive to help her.

I don't know what the answer is, but having had counselling as an adult I know it would have helped me as a teen. Just having someone to reframe my thoughts and bring some perspective to them to break the spiral of anxiety.