Getting upset about DS and feeling daft about it

[Flowerfae]

DS (13) has autism/learning difficulties we've just accepted over the years .. that this is who he is, and I have not really felt upset about it, because, well he's just him.

For the first time the other day I actually got upset. I have to wash him, he won't sit down in a bath, and he won't have a shower. He was just stood there in the bath with this stupid hat on, that I have to put on him because he won't have water anywhere near his face, me sopping wet I think I get wetter then he does lol, he was actually laughing, (for once he usually fights me) and I was just thinking, bless him :( he's starting to go through puberty, and I'm still having to wash him like he's a toddler .. I just feel really sad and I was thinking, what if I still have to do this when he's a man. I keep trying to get him to wash himself but he won't he just stands there flapping he doesn't seem to understand what I'm asking him to do, he'll sometimes wipe a tiny bit of soap on his stomach but that is it.

I feel like a right wuss. I have never really felt like that before.. I think it is because he's growing up, but he doesn't act like he's growing up.
I did talk to DH about it at the time, but I don't think he really understands why I'm upset although he does worry about him (mainly about what would happen if we both were not here) but he just said 'well .. we knew it would be like this.' This was the day before yesterday and I'm still getting upset about it, can't seem to pick myself up, I seriously do need to get a grip though.

[Ellie56]

It is ok to feel upset. We all want the best for our children and sometimes when we see what a big hill they have to climb it all gets a bit much.

Some questions -does your son go to a special school? Do you think it is meeting his needs?

Do you get DLA for him and most importantly do you have any respite care?

[Teaonthelawn]

It is very natural to feel like this. I have found that you can feel fine for weeks and then suddenly feel totally overwhelmed and tearful.
However if you are finding it difficult to bounce back I would talk to your GP - it is important to stay well and sometimes we forget to look after ourselves and our own health when caring for others. Also as your son is now 13 and moving into young adulthood it is a good time to review, reach out for more help and support for him and your family.

[Ohthatiswhy]

flowerfae totally fine to get upset I agree with previous posters, take care of yourself as much as you can and now is a good time to review your support and family’s needs.

[Ohthatiswhy]

I just repeated the other posters! What I really want to say is as the years march on all sorts of feelings catch me by surprise. It’s ok.

How are you feeling today?

[Flowerfae]

Hi .. sorry have only just seen replies

Ellie56 - yes to both .. he goes to brilliant specialist school for autism, I don't get any respite care, but don't feel I need it :) me and DH feel weird when he's not with us. We luckily have a brilliant family and my stepson who is nearly 30 is amazing with him and his brother and sister are mostly great with him (outside usual sibling things). He does have meltdowns which are directed at himself rather than other people ..He can't really communicate, he can be hyper or really upset at times there is no middle ground. Mostly though he's really happy (apart from he's having a wash) and laughing most of the time bless him :)

Teaonthelawn and Ohthatishy .. sounds really strange but this is the first time I have actually got properly upset about it, we're used to him mostly, its just the way he is .. I think it is just because he's growing up really, its not like he's a little boy anymore (he's actually taller then me now) I think it was easier to deal with for me psychologically when he was small, because he's a child - if you see what I mean.

I am better today thankyou so much

[Teaonthelawn]

Glad you are feeling a bit better