13yo significant learning difficulties just masturbated in public ADVICE pls

[lorrikeet]

My DS with moderate learning diffs and behavioural issues has just discovered masturbation: I noticed the smell of semen this morning even though my sense of smell isn't particularly good.

So this morning we had a talk about puberty, growing up, getting a stiff penis, the need to be in private if you want to touch your private parts... no more was possible because he got too anxious.

This afternoon we went to see Paddington 2 at the cinema and again I caught a whiff of the smell: when I asked, he said he had been touching himself because it made him feel calmer. I explained that it is NOT appropriate in public and must be done in private, and that if I can smell it, other people may too. I dealt with it immediately before we got home, but this might not have been the best idea as there was a screaming tantrum on the way home

I am shocked because we talked about it this morning, even though I know my DS doesn't listen, and needs a lot of repetition to learn.

I have sent him into the bath as soon as we got home, and made him rinse his pants out. Should leave it there this time, or get his Dad to call him and have a chat about it?

I have said I will say no more about it tonight.

What would you do??

[Flamingale]

Sorry I don't have any experience of this but didn't want you to think no one cares.

I think your idea of getting his father to speak to him tomorrow is a good idea. Maybe just like most boys it's not a subject he wants to talk too much about with his mother.

Also maybe you are hyper sensitive to the smell. I bet quite a few men do a sly bit of masturbating thinking that no one will notice!

[StillMedusa]

I work with teens with ASD and my own son has ASD and LDs and first thing I'd say is don't panic or over react...I know, easier said than done.
He's discovered maturbation...that's age approproiate so the emphasis has to be on private.. reinforcing that it's OK to touch yourself but ONLY in his bedroom . No where else.

There is a really good DVD series aimed at young people with learning disabilities...it's called Jason's Private World. It's animated cartoon form but it is really useful ... it shows how JAson's body matures and how he discoveres he wants to masturbate ..and how he only does that in private in his bed room. It is really simply done (also covers saying no, not forcing himself on girls or boys as well, plus keeping clean) I really recoomend it ! (My copy has gone to my school or I'd lend it to you)

We focus on private = bedroom because 'bathroom' is too ambiguous... you don't want him thinking it;s ok to do it in a public loo!

But just reinforcing it in a calm way.. it ok to touch, it feels nice and yes it's calming, but only in his bedroom.

[Autismsons]

Hi
Just saw this thread just had this with my DS who is now 13 and my elder DS near 16. Got a book from Amazon called What Tom Likes. My younger understood and he’s a lot better now at controlling his urges and has his private time at home. My elder who is severe ASD and ADHD and SLD still isn’t quite with it yet so taking a different approach. The Tom books are good.

[eggsandwich]

My ds is now 17 and we had similar problems when he was a similar age to your son, touching himself in public and mastubating in the lounge.

My ds is autistic with severe learning difficulties and is non verbal so was very difficult to get him to understand that there were appropriate places to do that, I said to him staying to keep it as basic as possible with him that if he wanted to do that he has to do it in his bedroom.

It took a long time for him to understand, but with me constantly reiterating that you must go to your bedroom if you want to do that it now seems to have worked and he will take himself off to his bedroom when he feels the need.

On the funny and lighter side my Dh and my self had to stop my ds grandma going to his bedroom to see him when she visited as she would of got the shock of her life