My ADHD teen. I need someone who understands.

[Lizzyanna]

Can anyone empathise or offer advice as I am struggling? My son is 13 and has inattentive ADHD and profound dyslexia. He was always dreamy and scatty but gentle natured and kind. He started high school last summer and loved the new environment, regular change of classes etc. However after a few months he has started to unravel. His mind flits around and he suddenly comes over all insecure then looks for anything to blame it on and so flips. For example he accuses me (or his dad) of causing his insecurity because his friends gets to watch 18 cert films and play 18 cert games yet we say no to this (the usual teen battle) yet when he is calm he knows none of it is true and is at a loss as to why he said it at all. Another regular is claiming that his previously good relationship with his younger sisters is abnormal and that everyone at school would think he was a moron for it, becomes hysterical with self loathing and again it is my fault so he hates me. I mostly stay calm and tell him to go to his room where he calms then apologises and feels awful about himself which makes him worse. It is now taking him longer and longer to come round and he is flipping many times each day. The frequency, unpredictability and cruelty is hurting his little sisters and reducing me to tears. We can be chatting happily then the switch is flipped and he turns on me.

For what it is worth, he does feel out of sync with other kids and seems to have friends and his school are fairly supportive. He also had an early puberty so is physically like a 15 year old.

I am at my wits end.

[TheAccidentalExhibitionist]

Hi Lizzy I'm afraid I can't offer experience. My DS who has a similar diagnosis is three years younger than your DS.
I've always suspected that puberty hits much harder in a child with ADHD. They have multiple issues to worry about. With all his challenges, worries about being different and hormones flying around, it's not surprising that he's all over the place.
Sorry I can't help or offer useful advice but I hope you find some soon.

[Lizzyanna]

Thanks for the reply and kind words. The mood swings are truly terrible but I understand they are part and parcel of adhd. I am just struggling to cope with his emotions and my own. I have had years of him being dreamy, scatty and unable to concentrate even in conversations but he was always a really kind and loving boy. I will let you know how things go over the next while and hopefully be able to give an idea of managing this age or at least how long it happens before your girl gets there.

[TheAccidentalExhibitionist]

When we have been in crisis with my sons behaviour (he also has inattentive ADHD and ASD) it has usually been about anxiety. We moved countries and it understandably caused him huge anxiety and control issues. We took him to see a psychologist and after 6 months I noticed some improvements. Would seeing a psychologist or councellor help in your case?

[Lizzyanna]

Hi, Yeah we are due to see a psychologist next week so hopefully can help. I do think he is anxious but not due to change as any level of novelty brings out the best in him which may be a bit different with your boy given the ASD component. I think the underlying issue is realising that he is different at a time when they all just want to fit in. He's really sociable and is beginning to realise that some kids are mean and some kids don't fit in and get talked about because of it. Sorry I got the gender of your child wrong btw. New to mumsnet and all the DD and DS stuff! I just SO hope this phase passes soon.

[TheAccidentalExhibitionist]

Your poor DS, I can imagine it must be incredibly hard realising that he's different. It's all about being the same as each other at school and judging each other. Kids can be horrible can't they?
I wonder if there is a ADHD support group in your area? It might be worth contacting CAMHS to see, I bet if he could spend a bit of time with other kids a similar age with the same diagnosis he'd feel better. In the meantime the very best of luck with the psychologists appointment. I hope life gets easier for you both.

[TheAccidentalExhibitionist]

Lizzyanna I'm writing a blog on misconceptions about ADHD (just because the ignorance surrounding it infuriates me!) and I've come across some interesting articles. I'm sorry I've no idea how to do links but the website is medscape, it has lots of interesting papers on ADHD. Just type in ADHD into the search engine on the site clicking on the education option.
I'm currenly looking at these articles:
'cracking the code of ADHD in adolescence,
Establishing trust to improve outcomes in adolescent ADHD
recent research on ADHD in adolescence

I've no doubt if you looked under the medicine option you'll find lots more papers.
I hope this helps in some way?

[Lizzyanna]

Accidental, thanks so much. I'll look into those links. Papers on adhd and adolescence are just what I need. Misconceptions are really annoying though I agree. 'Meds just zonk them out' and 'it's all just bad kids that aren't parented correctly' and 'kids are just thick and parents need an excuse. I am always aware of how much easier it is to admit to his dyslexia. I end up fudging around the adhd with various other terms as I know what people think. We have tried meds but a long time ago. They made him too anxious and tearful. We're going to have a go again now that he is older.
I'll look forward to your blog. So nice to hear from others who understand. Where we live adhd is rarely diagnosed. Thank you so, so much.