Do siblings miss out/feel left out?

[anniebear]

Do you think your other children ever feel missed out or feel they don't get enough attention?

I worry about Grace, although she is only young at the moment. I try to give them equal attention but obviously Ellie needs more help. Like if we go to the park, Grace goes off on her own but I need to follow Ellie. Would Grace ever think that is me giving Ellie more attention?

We have a lady come round from the Complex SN team and she was telling me that there is a group Grace could go to when she is 5. It is for siblings of SN children. It sounded really good. They do painting, games etc and very simply talk about their siblings/illnesses. Then as they get older they go to a group were they talk about feeling left out, their feelings etc and meet others. Sounds good.

Has anyone got older children and they have commented on being left out?

[shey]

I am really interested in this group. I have a 5yr old who does not have special needs and a 3.7 yr old who does. I have exactly the same issue in the park and everywhere. My daughter is fantastic and really helps my son but I am sure there are times when she thinks things are not fair. I was told to include her in the care of my son and make her feel that her help is really making a difference. She does go to a mainstream school, full time so she does have a life away from it all.

[Caroline5]

We go to a group like this at the SN toy library we go to - they have lots of outings during the school holidays. tbh dd1 makes sure I don't miss her out because she is very assertive and makes her needs known! However, she does tend to act 'babyish' sometimes, I think she is copying her sister and trying to get attention. Your group sounds really good anniebear.

[PeachyClair]

I think my four year old feels left out tbh, 5 year old has sn, have a two year old too.

Four year old has hearing probs, but I just struggle to find time to help. Two year old I think has hearing probs too (5 year old does as well!!) but I just can't find time to get a HV appointment, tried e-mailing her with no reply.

Would love to get him out and about, but how?

[Fio2]

yes they do but I found speaking for myself I never once resented my sister for that, i resented my parents.

ds doesnt seem to have noticed yet

[jayzmummy]

Without any doubt and it makes life hell sometimes.
DS1 has reached the age where he wants a little bro to hang out with. He wants to build dens, go off exploring on his bike, go fishing, a trip to the cinema a s a family would be nice.

Every trip out is planned with military procision and always escape strategies are in place.

Life sucks for DS1 atm and he is not a happy bunny. D2 doesnt give a hoot....but why should he be bothered about anyone elses feelings when he doesnt understand his own?????

DS1 attends a Siblink group and loves being with guys the same age as him who understand what its like living as a family who are affected by ASD.

I feel so bad sometimes because I long for "normality" and it makes me feel like I am betraying my wonderful little man.

[jules27]

I have a DS who is now 10years and his elder sister who is 15 tells me that she occassionally feels left out . She said that whilst she now understands why he needs the extra attention she didnt understand when she was young. I have always tried to give her time out from his and we have also done weeks away without him( i struggle with this one ,but knows it does her good)

[Merlot]

This is a big worry of mine. Ds1 was an only child for 6.5 years - then along comes ds2 (a sweetheart, but far from conventional) who demands a lot of attention. Ds1 loves ds2 to bits, but lately has started to have it in for me' - lots of comments like you never listen' and `you've never got time for me like you have for ds2!' Oh the bl**dy guilt

Fio it pains me to hear you say that you resented your parents. What could they have done differently? Maybe I could learn from their mistakes?

[Fio2]

erm Merlot, my family is quite complicated. I thinka swell the fact that my sister was chrocically/seriously ill for all of my childhood and spent most the time in hopsital is a different scenario to what alot of us are facing in terms of developmental problems iykwim

[Eulalia]

Difficult to say as dd is only 3 (ds with special needs is nearly 6). I have had to leave her to fend for herself a lot eg in the park if he runs off. She seems very happy but does have to put up with a lot of stick from him snatching things away from her for example. I just try to give her lots of extra cuddles and not make it a personal thing. I suspect her resentment may get worse as she gets older but am hoping it co-incides with ds's better behaviour as he gets older himself.

Either that or they both suddenly become much nicer when the new baby arrives .... wishful thinking...

[Davros]

There's always "trouble" between siblings though isn't there? None of us ever get exactly the same attention as the others. Having grown up with an undiagnosed sister with AS I also blame my parents for treating her so differently to me and my other sister. She WAS different though, but they treated her as if she were so much BETTER than the other two of us. Thank god me and my sister had each other (and still do). If anyone is giving this some thought then you're already doing a better job than my mother. THe thing that has helped us is there being a 7.5 gap between DS and DD!!! Not that I'm recommding it but it does help in practical terms, they spend quite a bit of time together but also both have their own time.
I remember a couple of years ago, a good friend of mine who was a real down to earth laugh, we were out at trampolining and her older DD said "I don't want to go wherever with my (ASD) sister blah blah" and my friend, knowing all about managing the difficulty between an NT sibling and child with ASD and all the theories just said "well you'll hafta, she's yer sister"!!!

[Merlot]

I'm sure you're right Davros, after all. I am sure that if I had a NT 21 month old - my 8 year old would still be whinging about me not giving him enough time!