'Lightly touched' with Asperger's?

[Solo2]

Anyone here who can share their experiences or advise me please? I'm a single mum of twin 8 yr old sons. One of them has always struck me as 'different' and because of various things like little eye contact as an infant and onwards, liking for lining up toy vehicles, obsessional interests in various unusual topics, phenomenal memory, difficulty getting on with peers, I had him assessed for Asperger's at age 2.75 and then again at age 3 and at age 6 (latterly privately). The first assessment simply noted some social/ emotional problems but at interview/assessment he was deemed OK enough. The second and third assessments resulted in him NOT diagnosed on the ASD or with Asperger's and I was very keen NOT to have this diagnosis.

However, at age 8, he is more and more different from his fraternal twin. He goes to a school for high academic achievers with lots of 'geeky' boys there too and has had a friend since age 5 who probably fits the criteria for high functioning Asperger's. The two of them stick together and my DS calls this other boy his best friend but they don't 'play' together. They also have little in common, as the other boy is a whizz kid at Maths and my son has unusally high functioning at Literacy skills but a big dip when it comes to Maths (another reason not to diagnose Asps, I think?.

He is clearly in the right kind of school for him, where his differences don't show so much. But I'm worried about his future, as an adolescent and beyond.

The reason I'm writing this is because he has never fully met the Asps criteria but I have this theory that if you are very able in other areas, you can use that intelligence to appear more able in those areas of weakness, like socially. It's almost as if he's been 'lightly touched' with Asperger's but would either be on the bottom end of that continuum - ie not quite like other children but not quite sully Asperger's.

I guess I'm wanting to know if there are other parents on here with similar children and how things might look therefore for his future? I worry about soical isolation. depression, anxiety, being ostracised, managing indendent living/ University/ job etc.

Anything that anyone can share or any resourcse anoyone can refer me to would be helpful. Many thanks.

[asteroids]

Hi,
What a lovely description and I like the term 'lightly touched'. I think you are right that your son is using his intelligence to develop coping strategies for his weaker areas. Also, as you say, he is in a school environment which suits him.
For the future, it's difficult to say. University shouldn't be a problem. All universities now have student support services. Some have very good autism/Asperger support systems so you may need to do a little research to find a suitable place. Hopefully you son will be able to live independently: many people with AS do. It is possible that he may suffer with anxiety, depression etc and I would suggest keep a close eye on things as he moves on to secondary education and into adolescence. These seem to be the main trigger times and he may need a diagnosis then.
Many people with autism (myself included) are able to live independently. I am married with children, I drive a car and now run my own autism consultancy. The Autism Act (due in April 2010) should improve all services for adults with autism, including education, jobs and health. Hopefully, your son will have a smoother ride as a result.
For now, you could check out Talk about Autism (www.treehouse.org.uk/forum.
Best wishes.

[Solo2]

Thank you very much for this. It's particularly good to hear from someone who knows first hand what it's like to live differently, day to day in a world where others don't always appreciate the struggle. Clearly, you are a living example of someone who have survived to go on and form a primary relationship and have children. I think my worst fear for my DS is that he'll not find a relationship. His twin is a bit embarassed by him when out and about with peers, although usually very very understanding and loving towards him when it's just the three of us. But I worry about the day when I'm no longer here and maybe his twin will be all he's got (we have no extended family. I imagine his twin will have much much greater ease in finding partner/s and, again, what will that be like for Ds who can barely make friends.

I'll check out that website you mention.

Many thanks again.