Housebound at 37 weeks pregnant and feeling resentful of dd's SN.

[Hangingbellyofbabylon]

This is so shit and I'm in tears typing this. I wish dd didn't have CP cos I can't cope physically anymore. I am 37 weeks and can't handle the lifting and stuff anymore. Yesterday we just went to the supermarket to pick up a few bits but lifting her in and out of the car left me in agony all day. My other dd is back to school next week and we've done virtually nothing all holidays because I can't cope physically. I need to be stronger for my dd's but everything hurts. I love my dd so much and feel shit because the cock-up in her birth ended up with her having CP. I let her down, I have to go back to the same hospital to give birth to this one which feels shit. I just want life to be easier, just for a bit.

[masonicpixiesreadthedailymail]

aw hangingbelly.. it all seems like one big shitpile at the minute. You've got loads going on so its no wonder yr going to feel really down

I think yr dd's cp is seeming so bad to deal with at mo because firstly, you obviously are thinking about her birth as you are coming up to giving birth again.. and secondly, like you say, the lifting is more difficult than normal cos you are heavily pg. So emotionally and physically you are shattered

Pretty sure it will not seem so bad once you have had yr new baby and things have settled down

In the meantime, what support can you round up now to do the brunt of stuff yr finding difficult? Have you family who can help? Homestart? Respite?

Wishing you all the best

[Nyrrem]

Hi Hanging, I've been thinking about you loads since dd1's birthday.

It's rough going back to the hospital. Have you been back since for appointments and stuff? I found it really difficult to return to our local hospital after ds' birth. Though obviously I had to to see the paeds etc. I also went back for dd's birth, a planned section, which was lovely. But even so the nurse took my pulse the night before and was a little shocked by how stressed I was really.

Hang in there, it's going to start getting better really soon.

[Nyrrem]

YOU DID NOT LET DD2 DOWN. Loads of us on here feel bad about things that didn't go as they should during labour. There is no point blaming yourself. It's just not like that.

[Hangingbellyofbabylon]

thank you. I think I needed to say it out loud to make it go away. DH and I can talk freely but apart from that it's utterly taboo to say that you would wish your child's sN away. I accept dd as she is and in many ways it has changed my life for the better, I guess what I want is not for her SN to go away but for me to have more support. My mum is great but works full-time, in-laws are a bit funny, both retired and will help out if asked but never ever offer and this week I had to ask already as I had a hospital appointment so I didn't dare ask for any more help. What I need help with is just little things like hoovering and keeping on top of the washing but I think my family think I don't mind living in a constant mess but it massively adds to my stress levels. My dear mum has taken them over-night so dh and I are going for a mind clearing walk along the sea front. Would be such a good night to go into labour, it's nice and cool, no dd's around but life isn't like that is it? .

[wb]

Well I, for one, think you (or possibly your dh) should ask your in-laws for more help.

You are 37 weeks pregnant - it is OK to ask for extra help, regardless of other circumstances. My MiL is lovely but never offers to help, only when asked. I think she's afraid of offending me by suggesting that my house-keeping skills are less rigorous than hers (they are, by several orders of magnitude but I'm not too proud to accept a hand).

[BriocheDoree]

Hi HBOB. Nothing useful to post but a few very un-mumsnetty hugs because I remember how super difficult it was just before giving birth / just after DS was born (DD completely different SN, of course, but not yet dx at that stage).
Sending positive vibes for the birth - not surprised you are stressed. Hope you enjoyed the walk along the sea front! (i'm jealous - miles from the sea here!)

[5inthebed]

I was here last year HBOB, although DS2 has different disability to yours. I found the whole changing nappies on a large 3 year old, pushing a really heavy pram with him in and the general carrying him around very very stressful and tiring.

It'll all be over soon, you'll be holding your new DC in your arms, and it will all go fine! Have you got it written in your notes about your dd's birth and her CP? You could have a word with the hospital when you go in, tell them your concerns.

Hope your walk was lovely.