DD (NT) being aggressive towards DS(ASD)

[tiredmummyoftwo]

DD (2.3) is attacking DS(4) non-stop at the moment. Yesterday, we were at the play area, she wanted to be in the soft play area whereas DS said no as he wanted to go on the train. Suddenly, DS was on the floor and DD was pushing him hard. Her understanding has been really good, but she seemed to be understanding that a lot of times she does not get to do things because of DS. She is doing this throughout the day, I understand she is frustrated and wants to do her own things, but I guess I am scared of DS throwing a public tantrum, so always giving him preference. DS suffers from so severe separation anxiety that I can't go out with DD to give her some time alone. I am worried that she will start resenting us (both me and DS) if I don't do something about it soon. She is happy with DH as he gives her a lot of time. Anybody feel that SN child taking priority over non-SN child and what do you do to change it?

[Goblinchild]

'I guess I am scared of DS throwing a public tantrum, so always giving him preference.'

I know it's hard, but what do you have to fear from a public meltdown? Are you worried about controlling him to prevent harm, keeping your daughter safe or just the fact that you'll get disapproval from passing ignoramuses?
if you always give him preference, then she will resent it more as she gets older. I have an NT daughter, AS son and 4 years between them, she's older. When they were younger, she went through a phase of wanting him abducted by aliens or to be accidently washed out to sea.
Can your DH take your son so that you can spend time with DD? I know that your DS won't like it, and it may have to be in very small amounts to begin with , but 10 minutes is enough for a story and a snuggle.
You need to begin to work out a balance, ot the situation is likely to escalate.

[tiredmummyoftwo]

I am more worried about DS being sick. It takes me hours to get through one bowl of cereal with DS and if he cries, he throws up. It's not done on purpose, it's reflux, he was like that from day one. It's not behavioural, I see him trying to stop himself as he hates being sick, but one cough and it's all out. It's horrible but I would rather let DD cry as she does not throw up that easily and she does not take so long to eat.