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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

I've posted this in behaviour already and had some helpful advice but my googling has made me more concerned than before. Aspergers?

(14 Posts)
OrmIrian Fri 10-Jul-09 13:03:16

or somewhere on the spectrum? He has always been a bit complicated to deal but put it down to eccentrcity and 'character' with but I think he's getting more so as he gets older.

Can anyone here please advise me as to whether I need to investigate further?

He'd been crying and stroppy all evening. But no more than normal for a tired little boy at the end of the term. But then, in the bath, I didn't come running to get something for him and had the nerve to finish hoovering the floor before I did. And then took the plug out because he refused to get out. And he started to scream and scream and scream. No reasoning with him at all. I managed to manhandle him out of the bath and get him into my room. Still howling. It took about 10 mins of calming and cuddling to get him to stop. I'm surprised the neighbours didn't call the police.

He's 6 FFS! Surely this shouldn't be happening. I am sure there is something 'wrong' for want of a better word. He is so intense, he has huge concentration, he won't be distracted, he always insists on finishing a sentence no matter what anyone else is saying/doing and woe betide if you interrupt him, he has to finish a task (properly and in the right order) even if a volcano erupted beneath him. He is exhausting and tbh there are times when he overwhelms me. We have had battles over me not letting him finish something in his way - no matter what else is going on. Even something as daft as going up the stairs 'properly'.

Dh was just talking to me the other say that DS#2 never just walks or runs anywhere normally - it's always as a dog or a cat or a velociraptor, or as a caricature of someone running vert fast iyswim. He is clumsy and always hurting himself - my other DCs are very physically adept.

Is it just normal 6yr old stuff? Or more than that?

Thanks for reading.

wasuup3000 Fri 10-Jul-09 13:15:20

I am no expert and my son is still in the process of being assessed.

My son likes to finish what he is doing.
He likes to be first be it eating, getting in/out of the car, races ect.
He likes to eat out of a certain coloured bowl/p;ate and to sit in a certain chair.
He hates the hoover and hand dryers.
If I took out the plug when he was still in the bath he would go mental.

There are other things too many too list but those are the main difficulties he has at home that spring to mind.

luckylady74 Fri 10-Jul-09 13:27:28

I have no idea as I'm not an expert all I can tell you is my own experience with a 7yr old who was dx with as at 4.
He is intense, tantrums, won't let others speak,has to finish stuff, clumsy.

I have to say though that he is so very different from his peers that his teachers would have said stuff I'm sure if he didn't already have a dx. His conversation is very repetitive - he asks the same questions every day. He reversed his pronouns until he was 5.
Academically he is at the bottem of the class - he stuggles with writing and reading is slow progress - certainly not the 'little professor' stereotype of as!

We have huge arguments over mad stuff too - one over going up the stairs 'properly' could easily happen because in his mind he may have done it one way yesterday so he HAS to do it the same way today or his world will fall apart.

I have not got a nt 6yr old, but I don't experience any of this with my nt 4yr old.

Jimjams said something years ago along the lines of 'even if you haven't got a dx you just know that your child is harder work than other people's.'

If he is then he may need help managing his frustration/anxiety and so on. I see a psychologist on the nhs re my son every couple of months and it really helps me work things through about how to manage him and help him.

Write everything down and get your gp to refer you to a paed if you feel it warrants it.
Hope you are ok as it sounds like hard work.

luckylady74 Fri 10-Jul-09 13:31:28

snap to everything wassup said too - I don't even register the small stuff anymore like the same plate/fork.

OrmIrian Fri 10-Jul-09 13:37:04

Thankyou both.

Wow! That all sounds familiar. hmm

I will start making a diary of things he does.

The worst of it is that both DH and I find him very challenging and get cross sad It's so hard not to at times but if he really can't help it we are being terribly unfair. And he is such a sweetheart in so many ways.

wasuup3000 Fri 10-Jul-09 13:37:38

Oh yes-the pronoun reversal-my son who is 5 is only now beginning to correct himself when he says he instead of she. He only started putting words together at 3 but could read and easily use a computer then. So I guess could be described as a "little professor" (all children differ with Aspergers and ASD).

If he is interrupted in a task he will try and start again from the beginning in the exact same way.
If we got some sweets from the shop after school one day he would ask to go to the same shop and get the same sweets the next day.

He told his sister the other day that "I don't love you because you are a girl and you are a baddie". He adores his sister in every way really and luckily she understands this. He tells me that I am not a girl but that I am a boy and a goodie.

OrmIrian Fri 10-Jul-09 13:38:24

"What's for dinner tomorrow?" Is a favourite question. Every day. Several times a day. Even when he already knows because we've discussed it.

OrmIrian Fri 10-Jul-09 13:41:28

He had another tantrum at my parents' house the other day. All the DC had been pushing each other round in a wheelbarrow. DS#2 wanted grandpa to push him up the hill back to the house. My dad has a heart condition and is 78 so not a good idea. So I pushed him. DS cried. Dad offered to push him some of the way. "But you have to go back to the beginning grandpa. Start again and do it properly." No way that was happening so he yelled. Grandpa adores DS#2 and was devestated.

mamabell Fri 10-Jul-09 16:59:17

Hi OrmIrian (& wassuup)

I have a 5 year old who has recently been diasnosed with AS (so pretty new to all this stuff)

We have always known he is different and the nursery called him unique.

There are things that sound very similar, however, you also have to bear in mind (as you say) that it is very near the end of term and behaviour in children often deteriorates at this time of year.

Try to think about the degree to which these things happen - any of the things you mention could happen to a perfectly normal child, but have a think about with what frequency they happen. Keeping a diary is a good idea and you could also look to see what triggers his behaviour.

To give you an idea of the type of issues we have with our DS:

He talks non stop about anything and everything. He interrupts, doesn't take into account that other people are having a conversation.
He is on the go constantly - has a huge amount of energy that never seems to reduce no matter how much exercise he gets!
He monopolises playtime, wanting to play his games on his rules
He likes to be first at everything - eating, getting in/out of the car, opening doors, races
He has at different times insisted on certain cutlery, plates, cups etc
He has certain routines that if you don't follow he will kick off - for example I have to give him the thumbs up to cross a certain line in the pavement on the way to school - if I forget I'm in trouble.
He is very controlling
He can have tantrums over the smallest thing
He has several routines/rituals that he has to follow
He has poor eye contact at times, especially when stressed.
When he is happy and in a good mood he is lovely, affectionate, gives lots of cuddles and kisses. When he is in a bad mood all of that goes and he doesn't like to be touched.

How is your son at school? It was clear within the first week at school that he was having problems and this is how we came about getting the diagnosis. He went into complete meltdown at school and wasn't able to follow the normal social conventions of school life.

OrmIrian Fri 10-Jul-09 20:08:39

Hi mamabelle. Thanks for that.

Everything on your list fits DS to a tee. Apart from the school thing. He is behind much of the class - in fact I realised last term that he was on the table with the only 2 children with English as a second language hmm. But he got a certificate recently for improving significantly. His reading is OK, his writing looks tbh like a reception childs and he has very little idea with numbers. I am not a pushy parent at all an have learned that it's best to let things take their course this early in school, so I haven't been asking the teacher too much, and we've had no negative comments at parents evening. So I think he's OKish. The teacher says he is a bit 'silly' at times and doesn't always follow instruction.

He has been a dream today. It's impossible to accept he has anything wrong atm. DH tells me that only syndrome he suffers from is 'last baby' syndrome hmm but DH is very much old school. He works in a school for SN kids and I guess he sees children with major problems, compared to whom DS is very small beer. But I really don't know....

OrmIrian Fri 10-Jul-09 20:09:48

BTW DS was described as 'unique' at nursery too. His key worked cried when she said goodbye to him. He inspires huge affection in some other people - he can be adorable.

reducedfatkettlechip Fri 10-Jul-09 21:09:29

hi OrmIrian, I'm glad you came over here, was going to mention that on your other thread as I think ASD is such a complex topic that the best placed people to help answer your questions are the people with direct experience of it!

My DH is old school too, and also works in an organisation where he comes into contact with people with "proper autism" so can't imagine that ds could have any form of ASD, no matter how mild.

Have you noticed that your ds has any sensory sensitivities? Is he choosy about his clothes, sensitive to noise or light, for example? Was wondering if this could be triggering tantrums also.

mamabell Fri 10-Jul-09 21:21:54

Hi OrmIrian,

Re the school thing - my dd was pretty much bottom of the class until she got into year 2. My brother (who is in education) always assured us that different children mature at different ages and she would catch up. Year 3 has seen her really progress well and he was right - she has now caught up. So I wouldn't be too worried at this stage.

I have also been told that young boys can often have problems with writing - my DS has poor writing - the school suggested a few things that we could do to improve his fine motor skills - mainly non writing things:

Play dough/plasticine modelling & burying things in play dough for him to find and pull out.

Clothes peg games - getting him to use a clothes peg to pick up things

Lego building

The assessment process for us was initiated by the school so not sure how you would go about it on your own but there are plenty of people on here who would be able to help if you feel you want to progress it.

wasuup3000 Fri 10-Jul-09 22:17:15

Yes to all of those mamabelle. At school at first he was very quiet almost selectively mute, used to follow other children about and couldn't ask or answer questions with more than a I don't know. He used to always put his hand up then just giggle. He plays on his own a lot but if other children ask him to play a chase game he will join in. He quite often likes to be the finder in hide and seek rather than the hider-so is popular for that. He is cute and gets by with a lovely smile. He has OT input for his writing, he is waiting for more assessments but is on the 4th percentile for visual motor perception. He falls over a lot more than my older children did at school. His teacher says she has never had a child like him before. I think generally he is good but is coming out of his shell a bit more so school are gradually seeing more of the real him. He got a sticker for being brave after screaming/crying when he came last whilst practicing on the sports day track!

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