Constantly worried DS2 will have ASD like DS1.....Advice needed please ????!!!!

[cjones2979]

DS1 is 5 and had ASD. DS2 is 10 months but I find myself constantly comparing him to DS1 as a baby !!
I'm petrified that DS2 will have Autism too. He is not showing any traits, but DS1 didn't at this age either. DS1 didn't walk until he was 17 months, but other than that, hit every milestone around the usual times.
I'm worrying because I have read that there is an increased chance that if one child has ASD, others can too (with same parents) and that it is more common in boys.
DS1 was a very contented baby, happy to lay on his changing mat in front of the telly (not actually watching it) for most of the day. He hardly ever cried. DS2 is completely different. He has been harder work than DS1 was. He will sit and watch telly, but likes to be entertained, maintains eye contact, moans when I leave the room etc etc.
Can anyone help put my mind at rest ?? I'd like to hear from anyone who has more than 1 child with the same partner and at least one of them has ASD.
Thanks.

[Goblinchild]

What is it specifically about DS1 having ASD that terrifies you? I'm just curious, not judgey or dismissing your fears.
I have two children, ASD son of 14 and NT daughter of 18. Same partner.

[5inthebed]

I know exactly what you mean. DS2 has autism, and I have a 7 month old DS3. DS3 is very similar to what my DS1 was when he was a baby, so I do find myself feeling quite reassured, but occasionally DS3 will do something that DS2 does, like laughs at wiggling toes. All my DS's have the same dad.

I guess only time will tell if ds3 has ASD, atm, I don't think he does. When ds2 was a baby, I knew he was different. I don't feel the same this time round.

FWIW, Ds2 never liked attention when he was a baby, he was happy to just sit by himslef. DS1 + 3 need/ed constant attention, cried when I left the room and currently ds3 is like a third arm.

What you are feeling is completely normal x

[cjones2979]

Goblinchild, we are having such a tough time of things with DS1 atm (please see some of my other threads), that it terrifies me to think about having to go through it all again!! I love my DS1 with all my heart and wouldn't change him for the world, but find it really hard to cope sometimes.
I know it sounds selfish and I know people will judge me, but i'd also like to experience having a child without a disability as DS2 will be my last.

5inthebed, thank you for your kind words, its nice to know I'm not alone!!

Only time will tell, but I can't help how I feel. I know I would cope if it turned out DS2 had ASD, and I wouldn't love him any less, but when we have a bad day with DS1 I can't help but worry.

[mum2fredandpudding]

Are you me?!?

My DS1 (2.7) has ASD and my lovely DS2 (same dad) is 11 months and I watch him like a HAWK! DS1's dagnosis was an unexpected slap in the face as I thought he was so typical. So now im lookig for the smallest sign.

My DS2 is ery different from my DS1 in the same way you describe.

From what i know signs will not be apparent until 18 months so im trying by best just to chill and enjoy his babyhood...

[othermother]

cjones, I can totally understand not wanting to go through it all again with another child.
I have 5 kids and the one with asd is my youngest, and his behaviour is so challenging every single day...it really wears me out and gets me down. I love him to bits, but there's only so much I can take. I always say if he'd been my first child don't think i would have had any more...it's too hard.
So I understand your concerns...but the good news is that out of my 5 kids, only one has asd. Hope that gives you hope x

[cjones2979]

My DS1 showed his first signs at around 2 when nursery picked up on the fact that he didn't say much (just mumma, dada, nana and bubba), and it sort of just went from there really.

I'm constantly saying to my DH "DS2 is not doing this yet, but DS1 did at this age" silly things like clapping hands etc. I know I shouldn't worry yet, but I suppose its to be expected that I will!

They are both very different though.

[Goblinchild]

I know it sounds selfish and I know people will judge me

Not at all cj, I was just curious and because mine is so much older and managing well in mainstream, after a disastrous primary period, I can say that things may get better.
Mine used to hit and roar and generally flip outside the home.
I'd never presume to point a finger and judge, life with a sn child is hard enough without having to fight people who should be on your side.

[cjones2979]

Othermother, thanks so much.

It took my DH and I a long time to decide to have another baby and at one point I really didn't want any more, so I probably now worry a lot more than I need to.

its definitely reassuring to know that out of 5 kids you only have 1 with ASD. If I can ever be of any help to you, please let me know. Same goes for all of you, I will try to help where I can. I am new to this site but am loving it at the mo as I am not a "support group meeting" tupe of person.

[cjones2979]

Othermother, thanks so much.

It took my DH and I a long time to decide to have another baby and at one point I really didn't want any more, so I probably now worry a lot more than I need to.

its definitely reassuring to know that out of 5 kids you only have 1 with ASD. If I can ever be of any help to you, please let me know. Same goes for all of you, I will try to help where I can. I am new to this site but am loving it at the mo as I am not a "support group meeting" type of person.

[cjones2979]

Thanks goblinchild. Its nice to hear from someone who's children are older and have been in the same position as me.

[jasdox]

DS1 3y7 (ASD) and ds2 10m, and am constantly watching, Ds2 just started obsessions with opening and closing doors. He is so very similar to ds1, but more demanding at the same time. Ds1 was the most laid back baby, pretty much always happy, as is this case now, rather i feed him, carry him, do everything for him (still does), like wise did not walk till 17/18m. However, ds2, eats much better, more interest in people, more aware, bit more determined. but still, a long wait, and but loving it 2nd time round. if only i could get the feeling of wanting another out of my head (DH - def not going for it again).

[Goblinchild]

Well, I've had no problem with him doing the teen thing of sex and drugs and drinking.
Rock and roll I can cope with!
he's just chosen his GCSE options, and the school have let him take all the things he's passionate about rather than insisting he sticks to the 'Normal' route.
I found talking to other people online in a similar situation the best help going. Hope you've been reading the thread on 'You know you've got an sn child when...'
Solidarity and chocolate on the front line can't be beaten.

[mysonben]

I can understand your fears as i too watch my dd (14m) like a hawk , her brothers ds1 is 16 y and NT, ds2 is 3y 8m and asd.
But i try not to let the worries take over iykwim? I mean why worry over something that may never happen... and anything can happen in life good or bad.

We noticed ds2 was different quite early on (but never thought of autism), more difficult with lots of crying, not much sleeping (i took him to an osteopath at age 5 months to try to help with his sleeping), he was hard to wean , hated lumps and chewing, at age 16 m he was still having mashed baby food jars and didn't point easily we had to show him and ask him to point! Also at around that age he started to line things up anything he could get his hands on, shoes, tv remotes, mobile phones,pegs... he would watch the tv for ages just staring. Also he was late talking with less than 10 words at 2.

DD is so different , she is proactive in her interactions with us , mimics us , babbles lots of differents sounds , points,...
so what do i worry about ??? That she could suddendly regress! {hmm]

There you go , we are mums and we will worry the description comes with the title .
Take it easy and enjoy your baby coz they grow up too fast!

[mummysaurus]

Feel the same - ds 3.6 has gdd but hit his milestones (just about) until he was nearly 2 then just seem to really slow down

Dd is now 8 months and she seems nt but i do worry ubt like mysonben i'm trying to enjoy her as like you i'm not having any more.