Why does seeing it in writing feel like a hit with a sledgehammer?

[lou031205]

Nothing the consultant has written was not said in our consultation. But it feels like a massive deal now that it is in writing. I almost cried when I collected DD from preschool. (I had just opened the post).

[meltedmarsbars]

I know what you mean - before anyone writes anything down, there is always the tiniest chance they are all wrong, its a bad dream and you'll wake up and its all gone away.

I hope you feel better soon. Have a good cry then go and shout like a mad woman in the wood (helps me!!)

[mysonben]

I felt like this too when i read the paed report about ds2. Especially the conclusion where she wrote about his obsessives behaviors and i saw the ASD words. It makes it more real and i felt very sad ( DH felt angry)
Keep your chin up , it will pass soon.

[lou031205]

Thanks. I phoned Children's Services to get the respite ball rolling (on advice of Paed via letter) and was asked if I had tried a chilminder & how much was I expecting? I replied that I had no idea how it worked, but Paed suggested it & we can't afford to put DD with a childminder just to get a bit of rest!

[Goblinchild]

Just coming at it from a different angle, perhaps it's because your DD is still so young.

My son got his dx at 9, after years of bewilderment, fighting, meltdowns, being labelled a devil child, ostracised by parents and regarded as free entertainment by his peers who quickly became experienced bear-baiters, and constant suspensions and isolations in school. At home, the issues were negligible, hardly a problem at all.
His dx was a key that opened so many different doors, sources of help and changed the attitude of almost all of the professionals he came into contact with.
Words like 'reasonable adjustment' became a wonderful mantra. His dx has enabled him to access understanding from others, and I was delighted when he got it.
He's mainstream and heading for Y10 now, still not smooth sailing all the way, but the Epiphany moment is still one of my best memories.

[lou031205]

Goblinchild - thank you. Believe me that I am grateful for the fact that we know there is a real issue, and no-one can tell us she is just a naughty, wilfull child with no discipline, etc. I think I was just taken aback by my reaction to seeing what I already knew written down.

[Goblinchild]

When it's in writing, that's when it seems real, quantified and categorised.
Of course your heart sinks, you're in the foothills and about to start a very long climb, but you've got a lot of good company.
Your DD will only benefit from this, the dx doesn't change a thing about her, or your relationship with her. It's just a tool you can use to help her, that's all.

[meltedmarsbars]

Lou, the sw may be able to find you a specialist childminder at their expense. There is money allocated for respite, and they are obliged to fund it if you have been assessed to be "in need". We had a specialist childminder when dd2 was pre-school, we used her for a sunday afternoon once a fornight to give our other children and us a break. Another friend has an afternoon a week (her dd is at school)
hth

[lou031205]

Thanks meltedmarsbar, that is useful to know. I feel a bit at even considering respite, tbh. I haven't got my head around the fact that she does need more care than a typical 3 year old, and that it means we should ask for help. I didn't mention DLA to the paed because I thought he'd laugh us out of town, but he says we should have high rate for both.

[meltedmarsbars]

You'll get a thicker skin soon, don't worry about asking for help - thats what we've all paid taxes for isn't it? Many of us don't have relatives who can help out, so we have to rely on social services.

[cory]

ime there are two kinds of doctor's reports:

the ones that make you feel as if you have been hit by a sledgehammer

and the ones that make you want to hit the doctor with a sledgehammer

the second category includes all those variations on the theme X has a neurotic mum

[lou031205]

LOL, yet to have a Type 2 report from the doc. SALT, however...

[meltedmarsbars]

There are definately two types of doctor!! The ones that always stick to the science and the ones that realise we have to have a life too!!!

[cory]

afraid a third type has been found: the ones that can't remember all the science but are damned if they're going to make any allowances for the life of the parent