Anyone experienced with aspergers around? Need some quick advice....

[Wills]

we're having big problems getting our 8year old to tidy her bedroom. (and before you think that I'm some cleaning fantatic it would be nice to hoover the floor at least once a week - its starting to smell in there!). Drawing up a list has been suggested but the level I have to go to in terms of giving her explicit instructions have meant that the easy to use guide is now over 3 pages long and there's no way she could handle that. Given that she has loads of loads of toys (thanks to my mother grrrrr)someone has suggested boxing tonnes up and rotating them. That way she can't make so much mess. Someone else has then suggested I then photograph the room in its tidy state and use this on the guide to tidying her room.

Should I box the toys up with or without her? They're not going just going to only come out one box at a time.

[Wills]

anyone?

[streakybacon]

It'll help if you can get her on board, so I'd do it together, although it'll take much longer as a team effort.

Get some stacking drawers so there is a specific place for each kind of toy. Label each one with a photo and word label of what's in.

I found that tidying weekly/monthly left too much of a mess in between. It was easier for us to have a ten minute tidy every day to keep on top of things, then a proper clean (vacuum, polish etc) less frequently.

I wouldn't expect her to be able to tidy on her own. My ds with AS is 10 and I have to sit on his bed and give guidance/support or he can't manage. He gets frustrated at his own distractibility if he's left on his own so it's not worth it. You have to have realistic expectations of what your child can manage, supervised and alone.

Photographing the tidy room might help, if she likes her room to be tidy. If she likes a bit of clutter, comfort of having her familiar stuff around her, she might not be motivated by the picture.

I now realise that too much on display is distracting to my ds so we have an agreed number of toys out on shelves at any one time, if he gets a new eg Lego model then another has to be boxed up. And toys always have to be put away after playing otherwise he can't focus on dressing etc if they are left lying around.

It's an old cliche, but it really does help to have 'a place for everything and everything in its place'. There's a logic to that which our Aspies like.

HTH.
x

[BONKERZ]

my ds has asd and we realised a while ago that just haveing lots of boxes in his room meant he kept all toys off florr, nothing has a specific place but as long as all toys are in the boxes the room stays tidy, we do have a blitz once a month together but the rule is toys in the boxes and he can cope with that and does that fine.

[Wills]

She already has loads of boxes and that hasn't worked. But that does give me some thoughts though - thanks.

[streakybacon]

It's worth remembering that it can take months for a method to click with an AS child. We've been doing things this way for about three years and ds still needs a lot of support. That's why I say it's important to be realistic about what you child can cope with. But to make a success you have to get right back to basics, analyse the problem from the child's perspective and look at very basic reasons why it can be difficult, then work at graded solutions. You have the boxes and that's a great start, but it may take quite a while before she's comfortable with putting things in them.
x

[Marne]

Dd1 (aspergers) will only tidy if we turn it into a game/race with a prize at the end of it.

[PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen]

DS1 is the same (9).

We had this explained to us by a chap at BIBIC, and I shall try and share it with you.

He told us about a family who almost split with their adopted son because of the mess he created ( a bit drastic but..). Anyway apaprently when a child with AS (or indeed aault) look at a large mess they often alck the mind sequencing organisational abilty to solve the mess, as it really si a puzzle isn't it? Whre do you satrt? What's a priority?

When doing things kids with as are usually so focuseed on what they are doing that the mess is not a delibrate creation, but a by product of ficus: the mess is extraneous to the job beig done.

The tip he gave was to break it down. he suggested a very silly sounding trick that really works: tie a set of three bamboo canes into a tripod. Place it over an area of floor neeing tidying and request that is done; it stops the overload, makes it manageable and gives a starting point. just move the tripod around and its done (mke it clear that will ahppen- ds1 would be V annyed at a seeming extension of goalposts otherwise)

HTH

[troutsprout]

ds gets annoyed at what i consider to be a 'mess'...it is ofton something quite important to him.It is in fact like work to him.It can really upset him if i go in and change stuff.
I therefore generally leave it for quite a while and even then i let him have an area on the floor which he can keep stuff out on. Everything else around it needs tidying up though.
He needs very specific instructions otherwise he cannot do it...he is far to unorganised...plus he can't see a problem in the first place.

[amber32002]

Mess...hmm..... Yup. Guilty as charged, m'lud. Whilst I know intellectually that things should be neat and tidy, I can't actually manage it very often. Hubby's much better at it than me. I lose focus, then panic, then get distracted by something I've found in the pile. Then have to get focused again...and lose focus again and panic and get re-distracted by something else in the pile. Or just stuff it into a cupboard and hope that works.

And picking up things is actually a problem - no sense of co-ordination and some things are cold/hard/rough to the touch (urk). I cannot fold sheets. I've tried all my life. Can't do it. Or rather I can, but only if I take about 15 minutes per sheet. Bl**dy annoying it is, too.