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Another moan about mother toddler group mom!

(24 Posts)
mamadadawahwah Tue 08-Mar-05 09:59:30

Went to mother toddler group yesterday. Whilst the teachers are fantastic, really fantastic, some of the mothers are a pain. I have yet to engage in a conversation with 9/10ths of them or rather vice versa (sp). They see my son and think i cant control him, yet i run after for an hour and a half to make sure their little ones dont get hit or bumped into by him. The last straw was yesterday when he planted toys in the sandbox when they shouldnt be in the sandbox. The other mothers looked at me as if to say, control your kid. One of the teachers came over and said Lucy has enough to do, why dont you other mothers make sure no toys go in the sandbox. Well, i appreciated the teachers concern but now i think the other mothers think i am "teachers" pet.

They are haughty, pushy, try to talk over me and are generally unapproachable. I would love for my son to get invited to their homes to play with their kids, but if that is the attitude he is going to get from the moms, i dont think its a good idea.

Please, if any of u are in mother toddler groups, could you endeavour (if you arent already) to make friends with the poor ragged mommies who are running after their kids? I really want to leave this group, but its not about me, its about my son and interaction. Its like the mommies are the children instead of the kids.

mamadadawahwah Tue 08-Mar-05 10:04:52

Another thing i have noticed. I always play with the other mothers kids, cause i love kids, especially the young ones, they are so full of mischief and are only experimenting with things. Great to see them interact. But to date, no mother has even said boo to my son. He is not a "mad" child, and is extremely loving and very cute. Whats wrong with these women? I brought some "organic" potato crisps and sweets in one day and gave them to the mothers for their kids. (the teachers always hand out regular crisps which i wont let my son have due to msg. Anyway, they begrudgingly said thanks but didnt give them to the kids at break time. I felt like maybe they thought I was being over the top in only giving my son "organic". In fact at break time, one of the mothers said to her daughter, arent they lovely crisps honey? whilst sitting right next to me.

I am from a different culture and have an accent, maybe they take issue with that. I dont know. Maybe they are just plain ignorant and I should forget about it. Deep down i laugh at them, but its still annoying when all i want is for my son to interact.

stickynote Tue 08-Mar-05 10:07:56

Have you invited any of them to your house? Chances are they will be much more approachable on a one to one basis. Also, you've posted this under special needs - what SN does your son have? Could it be that they would be better with him and you if they knew?

stickynote Tue 08-Mar-05 10:09:32

Sorry that reads very abruptly! Was typing quickly with one eye on climbing toddler.

moondog Tue 08-Mar-05 10:10:31

Mama, they all sound bloody awful!!! I wouldn't want to be in the group/have them in my homes/be in their homes!!
Yes, what is your ds's background? Is there another group you could try out.
There are horrid people in every country remember!!

mamadadawahwah Tue 08-Mar-05 10:12:47

DS is two and dosent talk. Some motor delays. He cant tell you what is wrong or right and just "acts out" when he cant get his own way.

having him assessed, dont really know what is wrong with him. Its obvious in mt group that he has "delays" and i see the moms looking at him, but i dont feel its their business to go and have to explain to them about him. He may grow out of it, or whatever. They are moms and should be more understanding. I dont know i have worked a lot with kids and just love them all. Their "behaviours" dont bother me, they are kids after all. But i guess everyone isnt like me. I certainly wouldnt pass judgement on a poor little kid though, much less their parents. As i always say, do what you want to me, but dont hurt my kid!

SoupDragon Tue 08-Mar-05 10:15:38

From my experience of helping run a M&T group, I find that I can't control my own boisterous son, help all the other children with the craft activity and be sociable with everyone else.

stickynote Tue 08-Mar-05 10:16:25

I know what you're saying, but I have to be completely honest here and say that before I came on MN, I had no idea what it was like to be the parent of a SN child and also no idea how children who "look" OK can actually have quite severe problems. The mums at your group do sound a bit grim though - poor you .

mamadadawahwah Tue 08-Mar-05 10:19:38

Yeah, maybe an attitude adjustment is needed on my part. I am quite sociable and cant understand when people dont "want" to talk to me. But as i said, its for my son and not me.

I suppose i shouldnt care what they think, say or do.

stickynote Tue 08-Mar-05 10:21:52

I have to say, my first experience of a M&T group nearly put me off for life, but have recently tried another one and can emphatically say they are not all the same. Could you try a different one?

mamadadawahwah Tue 08-Mar-05 10:22:54

Yes, maybe i should, though again, it dosent seem to bother ds, just me. He will run riot wherever he goes and is oblivious.

binkie Tue 08-Mar-05 11:17:23

Poor you, I feel for you. We're past toddler groups now but when I look back they were sometimes the most stressful bit of having a toddler - can't believe that the inter-parent dynamics are fun for anyone.

But also to say that I agree with stickynote. Eg: one of mine has a child in their class who does seem to be a bit out of step with the other children, and I do make a big effort to be friendly to the mother - but all the time I am thinking, I mustn't say the wrong thing, I mustn't make it obvious I think there's something up. The best approach has actually been to encourage my child to be extra-friendly to the other. I should also say that we first met when they were two and a half, when starting at a nursery that I think is fantastic - and your son sounds quite like this child at that age - but now, at four, at the "top end" of same nursery, so very much more settled and integrated. I think the combination of exposure to other children, and security of its always being the same children, has done a power of good.

milge Tue 08-Mar-05 11:21:23

My dd has SN, and i found it a lot easier to intergrate at m&t once i had explained about dd's problems. You'd be surprised how many mothers of nt children think that sn children are going to physically hurt their child... my next door neighbour won't let her 2 children come round to my house, because she is scared of my dd hurting her 18m old. Ignorance.

Twiglett Tue 08-Mar-05 11:41:35

i agree with what the others have said.

I also have to point out that whilst you think its a lovely thing to bring in organic food stuff to hand out to the other children, what the other mothers probably see is 'Oh she thinks I don't care about what my child eats, she's making a point that she cares for her child better than I do'

Obviously that is so not what was intended but mothering at p&T groups is a total minefield with lots of issues of mother guilt to overcome

good luck

handlemecarefully Tue 08-Mar-05 11:44:26

How long have you been attending this Mother and Toddler's group?

jangly Tue 08-Mar-05 11:49:09

I think you're just going to have to be strong for the sake of your little feller. If he enjoys it, don't let them put you off. Keep going, keep trying. Good luck.

coppertop Tue 08-Mar-05 12:27:20

Ds1's toddler group was great. My only regret was that it had closed down by the time ds2 came along. Ds2's group is also a bit of a nightmare, mostly because of certain mothers loudly discussing the evils of bottle-feeding, dummies etc.

Ds2 loves it though and enjoys charging around to spin the cars, open the cupboards etc. We sometimes get odd looks but tbh at 2yrs old they expect him to be doing these kinds of things. I get a few funny looks when I speak to him in simple terms, eg <ds2> biscuit?" instead of "Would you like a biscuit, <ds2>" but these days it kind of goes over my head.

mamadadawahwah Tue 08-Mar-05 17:22:47

thanks for responses. In response to twiglett, i brought organic crisps for all the kids to eat, during their break. They usually hand out skips or some such so i thought i would let them try my brand. the crisps were put out but only 1 or 2 parents took the organic ones. They actually taste as good as the regular ones if not better.

Twiglett Tue 08-Mar-05 18:46:22

I am sure they do taste just as good if not better than the other ones, I was simply trying to point out how a lovely gesture that you make could be misinterpreted by the other mothers at P&T, especially if you aren't in the central mix of people (as you say)

I was trying to help, sorry if you were offended in any way as that certainly wasn't my attention

Twiglett Tue 08-Mar-05 18:52:48

intention not attention

mamadadawahwah Tue 08-Mar-05 19:11:48

Offended ??? Hardly. thanks for the insight!

chonky Tue 08-Mar-05 19:50:28

Mamadadawahwah - have you thought about going along to a SN playgroup at all? Mine is fantastic. The children have a range of needs but whatever the needs the support from the leaders is fantastic & I've yet to meet another mum there who isn't friendly. It might be somewhere that you feel more comfortable going to as there's no need to explain your ds's behaviour there, we're all used to it

However, that's not to say that non-SN groups are not worth going to, I just think it may be a case of shopping around for the right one.
Like anything, there's the good, the bad & the ugly

chonky Tue 08-Mar-05 19:50:55

Mamadadawahwah - have you thought about going along to a SN playgroup at all? Mine is fantastic. The children have a range of needs but whatever the needs the support from the leaders is fantastic & I've yet to meet another mum there who isn't friendly. It might be somewhere that you feel more comfortable going to as there's no need to explain your ds's behaviour there, we're all used to it

However, that's not to say that non-SN groups are not worth going to, I just think it may be a case of shopping around for the right one.
Like anything, there's the good, the bad & the ugly

mamadadawahwah Tue 08-Mar-05 20:49:44

Hey chonky thanks. Yes, i just enrolled ds in one through Barnardos and they sound great. I cant wait to go with him. Will keep the MT group until i cant stand it any longer, just for interaction.

Next time I will bring preservative packed E number sweets and drinks. (as long as their kids eat them, and not mine")

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