So upset by the actions of a TA at DS's school!, sorry long and rambling!!

[trunkybun]

Today I picked up DS and another (slightly older) child who I childmind from school. As soon as we were all settled in the car, the other child turned to DS and said 'I saw you crying today'. When I asked DS what had happened he said that he had been told off by a TA for running, although he hadn't done it.
The other child then elaborated for me, and it went like this: DS got pulled up for running, and as is normal for him, he burst into floods of inconsolable tears. This woman then proceded to point at DS and at the wall (where naughty people have to stand) not talking to him, but instead just mimicking his babyish crying back to him. This was in front of LOTS of other children. DS, who doesn't normally notice much when he is in the throes of an emotional outburst was able to name several people in his class all laughing at him. I need help drafting a letter to the Head to take in tomorrow I want it to be effective, and not too emotional which is difficult given the way I am feeling about this. I am right to feel this is totally out of order aren't I?
DS has a diagnosis of hypermobility and Dyspraxia, but is being assessed for AS (amongst other things) He is exceptionally emotionally immature and gets teased for this from the other children. You don't expect to get the same teasing and ridicule from an adult though surely??

[luckylady74]

My mouth actually fell open as I read the bit about mimicking the crying - obscene behaviour on the ta's part imho! I don't care how emotionally immature he is - that's irrelevent - that was bullying behaviour.
As to drafting a letter I'm not much help, but put in lots of facts and say what you expect to happen - retraining/apology whatever and say what you will do if that doesn't happen.
So sorry for your ds's crappy day.

[moondog]

That's appalling. Poor you.
I'd ask for a face to face meeting first with the head/

[TotalChaos]

agree with lucky and moondog. sounds like TA is in the wrong job.

[Twiglett]

how old is your child?

not that I suppose it makes any difference.

Yes I would say that the TA was out of order but I'd go face to face with head and just tell him what you've been told by older child

I would also see what I could do to help DS overcome extreme outbursts of emotion over trivial things

[Twiglett]

remember you cannot say 'this happened' just that you have been told by another child that this happened and you are concerned and would like it investigated as you feel this is inappropriate action

[TheCrackFox]

The TA sounds far too immature to be in charge of a playground full of children. Please do complain as she is obviously in the wrong job.

[Twiglett]

oops just realised this was in SN .. please ignore my 'work on emotional outbursts' .. that would not be relevant I assume, and would sound farkin' patronising so I apologise

[trunkybun]

Thanks everyone! The things is, if I hadn't happened to be picking up this other child, I doubt if I would have known anything about it. I always ask DS how his day has been, and he will invariably say 'good'
Sometimes later in the day - usually at bed time he will mention something that went on that day that I would have thought was anything but 'good', He is 7, and his peers I think have realised that any sort of teasing will likely provoke a very satisfying reaction (for them) ie. screaming, sobbing etc.
It makes me wonder though, how many things I don't get to hear about!!

Don't worry Twiglett, not offended at all! x

[Whizzz]

Not trying to defend the actions but is the TA aware of your DSs issues? Only thinking as it is near the start of a new term / possible new staff - she may not be aware of his issues?? Having said that, her behaviour was appalling not matter what child it was aimed at. I can't believe a trained TA would do something so degrading to a pupil

[dustystar]

I think her beahviour was completely unacceptable regardless of any special needs your child has. I agree with twiglett though that you should speak to the head face to face at this point rather than put it in writing just yet.

[cory]

Agree with Twiglett about the need to phrase this carefully, as you have only a secondhand report to go on. If you go in gently, expressing concern rather than (outwardly) barking mad, the head will hopefully feel obliged to investigate.

[cory]

And hopefully he will deal with her- forcefully

[trunkybun]

I feel that she probably didn't 'know' DS. She was the teaching assistant in the class of the older child I look after. But I still find it shocking that an adult working with children could possibly think that this was an appropriate way to behave with ANY child. I believe also it must have happened inside the school buildings, as it would be somewhat odd if the children weren't allowed to run in the playground!! It would be interesting to know if there were any other adults around (I'm willing to bet there weren't)

[trunkybun]

Welll this is what happened today:
DP saw the Head this morning who promised to look into it. She phoned back later to say that she had spoken to the TA who told her she had just told DS to 'turn off the waterworks' The Head then got the TA and DS together and made them promise to be friends
DP thinks I should leave it at that, as to take it further would involve the Head talking to the child who originally told me about the incident and we don't know if the child (or her mum) would be happy with that. I can see his point, but part of me thinks the woman is lying through her teeth and getting away with it (there is no reason for the child to just make it up)
Anyway DS is over it, so perhaps I should be too, what are your thoughts?

[trunkybun]

Oooh, also today apparently DS went up to this woman and said to her 'I hope we can have a better day today than we had yesterday' which I think is and

[magso]

Hopefully TA will be on best behaviour now !

[wannaBe]

if this is how it happened then TA was out of order - definitely.

But, and I am absolutely not defending her, as the older child said to your ds that he'd seen him crying, it sounds as if the older child wasn't in your ds' immediate vacinity, and so may not have witnessed things exactly as they happened?

I guess the question you need to ask yourself is what you want to happen. You have informed the head and she has spoken to the TA concerned, and the TA and your DS have apparently spoken. What, if anything, do you want to happen from here?

[dustystar]

I think it sounds as though the head is onto it and you should leave it there. Especially if ds is happy with it.

PMSL at his comment to the TA though

[ellingwoman]

Was the TA using Makaton to try and communicate perhaps? E.g. go and stand by the wall/stop crying.

Just trying to make sense of her actions.