How do you deal with aggression shown by the eldest child to her siblings?

[Wills]

DD1 is undergoing dx for ASD (Aspergers). At school she is fine but at home she is extremely aggressive towards her siblings who are only 5 and 2. Firstly until we get a diagnosis dh and I are both extremely reluctant to tell dd1 (8 years old) that she has ASD. So how do you even start to protect the younger two. Her mood swings are sudden but also extreme. She can go from playing nicely to screaming full pelt at one of them. I'M struggling with it so it must be awful for them!

[siblingrivalry]

No advice, Wills, but plenty of sympathy. I am in exactly the same position. My dd (7.10) is going through an ASD dx and is constantly screaming at dd2. She is also verbally aggressive to dh and me.

We haven't told her abot ASD until we have been through the dx process. She knows she has a 'worry bug' -she is constantly stressed about her 'rituals'.

I still discipline her and if it gets too extreme I send her to another part of the house. TBH we are desperate to learn some strategies, too.

Hopefully, you will get some good advice from the more experienced posters. Good luck

[Wills]

OH god Fiofio. Unfortunatly my dd2 (just 5) is becoming more and more "delicate" shall we say. But I'm very glad to hear that its not just my dd1 that is using physical agression. I was trying to explain it to a friend (and your previous thread sibling rivalry summed up how useless that can be) that I'm more nervous of knives around my 8 year old than I am around my 2 year old .

[Wills]

hmm maybe we should send dd2 to martial art lessons!

[Wills]

Oh joy that would at least explain why the last year has been such hell. We've taken her out of her junior school and moved her to a new one with a more supportive nature and very open to her ASD - well actually the SENCO basically told me I could go to her anytime and although I don't she is very caring. DD1's reaction of course has been to hate it but I do see a sort of settling in. i.e. she's not howling her head off as she comes out the school gates most evenings. But the aggression levels themselves have distinctly gone up to a new level and possibly that's the reason. Thanks

[Wills]

whoops. The line about the SENCO is supposed to read... and although I don't go to her very often she is very caring... sorry