Am worried my child could be on the spectrum - could I be right?

[Nat1H]

I have an (almost) 8 year old who I have feared for about 2 years, could be on the spectrum (low I think). Already have a 5yr old with CP, so feel as though I may be 'looking' for things wrong and GP won't take me seriously . Have mentioned it to his teachers who can't see any problems, although after Y2 SATs results, now agrees there may be a problem.
The problems I think he has are listed below. Problem is, I am not sure if it's stress due to his brother's condition (he is very sensitive) or possible AS.

He is VERY good at reading, but hates writing - knows he is bad at it and avoids it at all costs. Writes very little in school, but can verbalise what he would like to write very well. If I scribe for him, he has brilliant ideas, but if he has to write it down himself, he can't even think what he wants to put down on paper.
He poos in his pants daily. Not full poos, but more than skid marks (if you know what I mean). He doesn't notice the smell (when there is one), and I have to tell him every morning before school to go to the toilet, or he wouldn't go and end up in a really big mess (which wouldn't bother him).
He has to do things in a particular order when he gets ready for school - if I ask him to shower before his breakfast, he really kicks off, but will eventually do it. He is a bit more relaxed during weekends and holidays though.
He sometimes makes high pitched 'squealing' noises.
He doesn't play with toys - never has, even as a baby. He is very active, and prefers to run around outside or jump on my couch.
He likes structured activties - he does 3 dancing classes a week, but they are very structured. They follow the same routine every week and he seems to thrive on this. He has tried football and rugby but can't seem to cope with having to think for himself.
He is very sociable and has lots of friends at school, but I think he often acts inappropriately in socail situations. Not severely so, but he stands too close to people and tries to kiss boys in his class etc.
He loves spinning things - this has been apparent since he was little. He will very often turn his bike or his brother's pram over and spin the wheels. He always did this with toy cars when he was younger rather than playing with them properly.
There are many more 'odd' behaviours that I could list, but am feeling like I am moaning on a bit now.
Just wondered if anyone elses DC had these sort of behaviours - or are they normal for an 8 year old. Don't want the health professionals to think I am even more paranoid than they already think I am!!

[Seuss]

It doesn't sound like you are 'looking' for things, you have quite a detailed list there and whilst a lot of things could be passed off as average 8yr old stuff I would have thought if you gave this list to your GP they should at least investigate further - If only to put your mind to rest one way or the other. Plus even if it is 'stress due to his brothers condition' it would be useful to get GP/peadiatrician help for that.

[nikos]

It sounds like he is coping very well with school. Is that the case? Or are you finding him difficult to manage at school and home? On the face of it there doesn't seem anything there that could not be explained as normal behaviour e.g. dd (NT) at 7 still sometimes has skid marks but I think that's due to soemtimes constipation and sometimes to not getting to loo in time.

I think it's perhaps down to the degree of difficulty you think he is experiencing. There might be a few eccentricities in what you have described but he seems a fine chap.

[flyingmum]

The spinning thing rings bells for me (having a spinner myself - he would spin anything). The not writing thing and possibly the poo thing could be dyspraxia which links into ASD. There are shades of grey here.

It does sound as if he has a 'something' but not a huge 'something' if you know what I mean. It may be worth getting a diagnosis because as they grow older the gaps between him and his peers may grow wider and a school having a diagnosis may help with them putting some social skills in place for him.

I don't think you sound over anxious. Possibly if your chap was say 3 or 4 but at 8 (and I have an almost 8 year old myself - who can still leave skid marks . . .) the inappropriate behaviour and the spinning is just gently chonking the old bells.

Best of luck.

[Nat1H]

Thanks for all your replies. Will get round to getting him checked out but I keep putting it off. I know he is not very severe and I am scared somehow of confirming my fears. I think it's probably that I don't want to have 2 kids diagnosed with SN
I have thought of dyspraxia before - he can't use a knife and fork either (which drives me insane).
Also when he gets excited he flaps his hands around (looks a bit like a gay man - sorry, only way I can describe it).
Will wait and see how he settles into the junior class and then approach the teacher who has worked with lots of SN kids as she was a TA before training as a teacher.