need your expert advice?

[lilsmum]

iwondered if some of you would help me out, basically its about my cousins little girl, she 3y 2m. i will try and describe best i can as to how she acts etc, my cousin is pulling her hair out and is crying out for help but for some reason is scared of going to g.p.
here are some facts about her dd

she didnt walk till she was 2y6m

at age 3y2m she doesnt speak in sentences at all, and babbles, doesnt make any sense at all

if her mum is talking on the phone, or chatting face to face with anyone she throws a really bad tantrum (very severe)

throws serious tantrums when out (throws herself on the floor)

the only understood words she says are swear words and she will shout them especially in front of other people or out shopping etc (god knows where she picked them up though)

very attention seeking, if not centre of attention she screams and shouts

it feels like you cant explain things to her, like when she kicked our grandparents dog we explained that it wasnt a nice thing to do, but she kept on doing it

when she in the company of my dd (11.5 mth) if anyone talks to my dd she screams, or hits my dd

i think my cousin knows there is something different about her daughter, but doesnt really want to admit it iykwim, its getting to the point that our grandparents dread her going to their house because her dd is so hardwork, and draining.

does anyone have any idea as to what could be causing this? i have no idea, but i know my cousin needs some sort of help with this.

thanks in advance

[Fran1]

Does she have a health visitor you could encourage her to speak to (that way it seems less severe than going to GP.) And hopefully the HV could get the ball rolling on a diagnosis.

You are right there is definitely a need for some intervention and professional help.

I am no expert, but have experience with some children with special needs, and the first thing that came to my mind was possible aspergers syndrome.

Another thought is her hearing, and maybe that is a gentle way you can encourage your cousin to start getting help.

[KateandtheGirls]

Has your cousin not raised her concerns with the doctor, or the doctor with her???? I know I'm in the US, but don't kids there have a 2 year and 3 year check up? The fact that she didn't walk till 2.5, and now at 3y2m isn't speaking? Why has nobody thought about seeing if she has a problem before now?

[lilsmum]

thanks everyone, the hv said to my cousin to take her to a speech therapist?! but apart from that i dont think she sees her hv very much, and as for the 2/3 yr check, i know from my dd they do a very basic test here, when my dd had her 6/9 mth check they jus went off what i told them, and i think my cousin is frightened of the truth and therefore by may have said anything to them at all!!i.e sort of hiding from the truth.

thanks again for the replies

xx

[Davros]

Stupid HV needs to refer her to the speech therapist then doesn't she? In view of useless HV I think she should go to her GP and tell him about the problems and that HV suggested SLT. Any nursery attendance? ANyone there helpful?

[Jimjams]

Good grief- I would say she needs too be referred to SALT and a paediatrician. The GP would do it if the HV wouldn't. Really by this age someone should have taken over a bit - HV, or nursery or GP's can refer to SALT, and GP can refer to a pead. How ameniable would your cousin be to you talking to her about it? (Difficult for you to say much if she won't talk about it). Could the grandparents say anything???

[lilsmum]

her dd has just started pre school , so i would think they will pick up on it soon anyway my cousin and my grandparents are in serious denial i think, i could try talking to my cousin properly about it i guess, she has discussed it very lightly with me, and has told me she cant control her dd at all, and gets very embarassed in public when her dd throws a paddy.

what is SALT? i have no idea about any of this. xx

[Fran1]

2 yr checks have been stopped in my area. I just got sent a questionaire to complete, and if they feel it necessary they will arrange an appt to see me.

[amynnixmum]

SALT = speech and language therapy/therapist

[KateandtheGirls]

Really Fran? In the US they advise everyone (from babies to old people) to have an annual check up.

[Merlot]

Fran1 - Personally, I think that policy stinks.

[Fran1]

I agree it stinks!!

There were a list of questions and the answers are yes no or not sure. And you have to tick which one is appropriate.

The questions are very basic eg

Does your child have a problem hearing.

Can your child walk.

Do you have any concerns with sleeping.

Luckily i feel clued up on a child's development and the rights and wrongs.
But i imagine "less informed" mums (polite way to put it!) who want to be proud of their children would just be ticking all the positive answers rather than the genuine ones.

Obviously there is a hv clinic running that anyone can attend at any stage. But i have not attended in the year that i have lived in this area, so you think they would write to me and ask to come in!! I met a hv once when we first moved here thats it!

[Merlot]

Agree wholeheartedly with you Fran. If this questionnaire system has any chance of working, without all the valid points you have already made, the hv must spend the whole time chasing up forms that have not been returned.

They might as well have done the check in the first place!

[JaysMum]

I feel so stupid!!!!

We had the questionnaire system when J had his 2 yr develpomental!!!
Back in those days I accepted all the explanations the HV gave me to explain J's behaviour.
His lack of speech was put down to him having an older brother who was talking for him. His inability to interact = just a shy toddler,his obsessions = security, restless sleep pattern = seperation anxiety!!!!
Makes me realise now just how bloody naive I was and how incompetant the HV was!!!!

Reading what you have written about your cousins daughter reminded me so much of how J behaved as a toddler...I truely believed it was my poor parenting that caused his behaviour. I spent far too long beating myself with the big stick for being a crap Mom......now I just beat myself with the guilt stick because if I had known then what I know now, J would have gained access to services at at much younger stage in his life.

Some of the behaviour you have mentioned sounds like ADHD.....well thats what J was first dx with....I began to read up on it and then was fairly sure it wasn't ADHD.....maybe you could suggest a couple of books for your cousin to have a read through.....the Chris Green Books are good about Toddler Tameing or his book about Understanding ADHD.....maybe she'll see similarities of her daughters behaviour and then feel confident enough to address the problems with her GP.

[lilsmum]

thanks jaysmum, will try and talk to her, may even print this off n let her have a read of it.

thanks everyone for your help

xx