Lady Of Leisure (arrgghh!)

[pandyandy1]

Just a little sanity vent...

I recently gave up work to focus on my DD. She is yr 6, has ASD severe anxiety and is on a part-time timetable.
I gave up work not only because life was/is incredibly challenging and I thought I would mentally 'break' if I didn't; but because the many daytime appointments and phone calls we have had (in regards my daughter's mental health and EHCP application/issue) just wouldn't've actually been possible doing the job I do. (Or her daily part-time pick up.)

But, despite also having a son with ASD, 8 and a teen DD... people keep calling me a lady of leisure...and I find I have to bite my tongue not to tell them to bugger off.

(Despite the above, I do realise I am lucky that alongside my DH's job, we can (for a little while longer anyway) to manage on his wage and just carers allowance. And I do take hat off to those who have undertaken the (god awful) EHCP process, whilst working!)

[openupmyeagereyes]

It must be frustrating but people do not understand, or don’t want to. Just ignore them.

Are they friends or just acquaintances?

[livpotter]

I think a lot of us reach that mental breaking point, particularly during the EHCP/assessment process.
I think it's very hard to explain to people that have never had to do it. Like open says you have to try and ignore them.
I gave up work a couple of years ago and I still hate people asking me what I do!

[openupmyeagereyes]

I only have one child but I do not see how I could work even if I wanted to, which I don’t at the moment. Ds is so unpredictable and currently refusing to go to school. People really have no idea.

[NagevMama]

When people say things like that to me, I causally reel off all the therapies and care I give my child that they've never had to even think about and say, 'yes, very leisurely!'

My MIL even said something to me the other day about 'not pursuing my career' so I asked if she'd like to take over all caring duties for my child (which she knows very well is very challenging). That shut her up. As Open said, people have no idea.

[pandyandy1]

Openupmyeagereyes, it has actually been a couple of my family members and close friends who have made this daft comment. Nagevmama - MIL was one of them.

Think beyond a 'Lady of leisure? I'll happily swap with u for week!' comment, I'll take the high road and as Livpotter says - try to ignore.

Just the reassurance that parents/carers on this board understand makes me feel better.

[NagevMama]

My DS has Down syndrome and it erks me when people say things like 'he doesn't need all that speech and language and physiotherapy you do with him, his speech and mobility are great!' yes... Because of all the time I spend with him doing his therapies...

[Ellie56]

People are such twats aren't they?

As an aside - why is your daughter on a p/t timetable?

[pandyandy1]

Ellie56

She is on a part time timetable (and has been building time back up since all children went back in March,) because between October 2020 and Xmas 2020 she didn't attend at all (due to such severe anxiety) and then of course we all went into lockdown again.

School haven't enforced this at all, in fact they have been really good in understanding the fact that to come back full time in March just would've been too much, and they have been good in supporting building back up/EHCP process etc.

(I do know I am lucky with my DD's current school. Staff working closely with my DD all read up on masking when she was put forward for assessment, and we do work together on implementing strategies etc.)