SEN review at school what should I be asking?

[elliejjtiny]

Ds2 is 12, in year 8 at a mainstream school.

It's very obvious to many professionals that he has autism but he doesn't have a diagnosis of autism. Apparently in our county he is too old to be assessed unless in very extreme circumstances. He has a diagnosis of benign joint hypermobility syndrome and ?sensory issues. He doesn't get dla or have an ehcp. He has a laminated card so he can leave the classroom when overwhelmed and he sees the autism specialist teaching assistant at school once a week. He has an IEP that is reviewed once a year.

He is academically able but socially and emotionally struggling. He has friends, most of them also have SEN but a couple don't. He has very extreme reactions to problems and he struggles to communicate his needs. He had a huge meltdown over the colour of his equipment at his special needs sports club. When he asked a girl out and she said no, he tried to kill himself and very nearly succeeded (ended up in hdu for 24 hours on heart monitors and oxygen). Most mainstream activities won't let him come without a parent/carer staying but he understandably doesn't want to do that. He goes to special needs groups which he enjoys although some groups won't let him go in his own right, he goes as ds1's sibling as ds1 has an autism diagnosis.

I just feel that he is really vulnerable and that I should be fighting for something for him but all I get is dead ends. We have his school SEN review tomorrow and I don't know what to ask for. It doesn't help that ds says he is fine until he is crying in the corner of the room so I don't know what I can do to help him. I feel like a lot of professionals think I'm an over protective mother and if anyone else says "that's normal" or "all children do that" I'm going to have a meltdown of my own. My mum keeps saying he is just like me at that age but I didn't try and kill myself at any age, let alone aged only 12.