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Friend worried about her DD

(6 Posts)
arfishy Sun 09-Sep-07 22:38:01

I've been chatting to a friend today and she's a little worried about her 4yo. We're both overseas btw, so not many other peers for comparison.

Our DD's are the same age and up until now haven't seemed any different at all, but just recently her mum is starting to worry about her DD in comparison to other children.

I always thought her DD was shy, but in reflection it's taken a couple of years to get her to talk to me. If she does say anything it's a single word. She does talk more to her mum though, but generally to adults and other children she just stares at them blankly if addressed.

Her mum is saying that she's clearly bright but seems to think differently to other children. She's been at pre-school for a year but still isn't fitting in with the other children or talking to the staff.

My nanny, who obviously has much more experience than me is wondering if she is mildly autistic.

What do you think? Any ideas?

TotalChaos Sun 09-Sep-07 23:49:43

I'm not qualified to speculate, but it certainly sounds as if further investigation/referral by a speech therapist and/or paediatrician might be in order, especially if her pre-school are concerned.. Possibilities that occur to me other than speech problems/communication problems are ; does she have problems with hearing? understanding? or there is a condition called selective mutism which is anxiety related where children don't speak in certain conditions.

TotalChaos Sun 09-Sep-07 23:50:27

if she is concerned about autism/aspergers syndrome, then the nas website is a good starting point for info (

arfishy Mon 10-Sep-07 01:47:31

Thanks totalchaos. I've taken a look at the website and it does seem likely. It was when she said 'she sees the world differently to other children' that alarms went off in my head.

I'm not entirely sure how to suggest to her that I think it might be autism. It's a very emotive word for parents.

I think I'll call and suggest she takes her to her GP and go from there rather than blunder into an area where I have no experience.

TotalChaos Mon 10-Sep-07 10:11:50

I would say for your friend to talk to pre-school first, then see her GP - I know over in the UK gps etc tend to take you more seriously if you say pre-school have concerns too - and for something like ASD, how this girl copes with her peer group is relevant.

I wouldn't use the autism word at all at the moment, since it's all speculation, could be something completely different, like a hearing problem.

arfishy Tue 11-Sep-07 01:41:10

Thanks TC. I did ask her about the pre-school and if they'd said anything or put a plan together for her and she said no. They're pretty much leaving her alone. She's no trouble and just goes off and plays by herself, in fact avoids any group time where possible.

I think the mum thinks that they're not very pro-active at the school and just aren't getting involved because she's no trouble.

I'm going to call her today and find out how things are and see if she's had any more thoughts.

Her (my friend's) mum works in education and thinks she should go to school next term and that the challenge will bring her out of herself. I feel that if she won't speak at pre-school she'll be even more introverted at big school (not that I'm even vaguely qualified on the subject). So she's worried about keeping her at pre-school full stop, then about if she should send her to school (and which one) and if there is a further problem with the speech.

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