concerned about ds, going to docs, any thoughts pls?

[ernest]

Hi, I posted about my ds last June as was concerned about him. Basically, I was wondering last June if he was dispraxic, now wondering if it's that or even ADHD. However, I'm no doctor, but I'm going to docs with him in 3 weeks for routine development check. He's 6 & a half.

Concerns -
He has very poor concentration. But he's very sharp and has quick recall.
If you're speaking to him he can't maintain eye contact, or even remain focussed on what you're saying, even for a couple of minutes.
He's got very poor fine motor skills, and not great gross motor skills.
He is really bloody annoying, he needles other kids, winds them up and seems truly unable to stop himself.
He cannot remain still. I watched him at football club other night. trainer explaining something. 19 kids stood still listening, he's flapping his arms, doing 'armpit farts', poking the kids next to him etc. He's been going ages, loves going. After last session, his trainer was furious and doesn't want him back But I also understand.
He cannot deal with frustration at all and gets extremely angry or tearful at the slightest provocation.
If he finds something difficult he doesn't persevere but immediately gives up.

He just started school this week, was excited to be finally going. But I'm concerned how he's going to manage not he finally has to sit at a desk, now he has to learn to write, so fine motor control will start to be an issue. And mostly, I'm concerned he's not happy, that his behaviour makes other kids not want to be friends with him.

Does this still sound like 'normal' behaviour? And how do you dicuss this with doc? Do I send ds out of room or say it all in front of him?

ANy thoughts appreciated.

[ernest]

bump, please, anyone?

[anniebear]

print what you have typed here and take it to the doctor with you, that way you wont forget anything. Don't be fobbed off, ask to be referred and be seen by a development Paedatrition (bad spelling lol)


Are School aware of any worries you have? Discuss them with his Teacher and see what she thinks.

If there are are any problems, it should be noticed at school

sorry, not much advice there at all

[ernest]

Well, he only started school on Monday, so after 5 days I thought it was too early to speak to her. Will maybe speak to her before appt so she'll have known him 3 or 4 weeks then.

Considering speaking to his old Kindergarten teacher.

[ernest]

how do you discuss these thing with doc - with them present (then it would hurt feelings?) or with them at home, (but then doc can't see child?)

[aloha]

I would take someone - anyone - with you. Let the dr see him, then ask someone to take your ds out of the room and go through your concerns.
At the child development centre I go to with ds I always insist that ds goes to sit with a play therapist or someone while I talk to the paed as I won't discuss his problems in front of him.

[aloha]

Where do you live that you are only just starting school btw?

[ernest]

switzerland. yes, i really don't want to discuss in front of hi. does anyone think I've over reacting, or agree this gives reason for concern? I do wonder if I'm neurotic. He is great in many ways too of course

[aloha]

No, entirely reasonable not to want to discuss a child's problems in front of them. What could be MORE reasonable?

[anniebear]

you are over reacting, he is your son and you are worried about him...

You have concerns so you go ahead and see a proffesional, if it turns out that there is nothing wrong, fantastic and your mind can be put at ease, if there are some problems then you have set the balling rolling for getting some help and advice

Let us know how it goes

[ernest]

I have made appointment for next week to discuss alon with dc. I have re read sypmtoms of dyspraxia, and am really sure this is it, the whole long list just made me nod sadly at nearly every point. It was decribing my ds!


Anyway, don't wish to discuss in front oh im. Will go alone. Want alos to take examples to illustrate, do you think taking along one of his (rare) pictures or handwriting sounds like a good idea? Or any other suggestions, thanks

[anniebear]

Oh no !! SORRY!!

I have been away for the weekend and just logged on and re read what I typed!!

Im so sorry, of course I meant 2you are NOT over reacting"

Most prob was typing with Ellie pulling on my arm, Im so sorry

[aig]

You need to take your DS with you as no Paediatrician is going to make any kind of diagnosis without having some direct interaction with the child. You can always discuss concerns later, without him.
You also need to tell your DS why you are taking him to the doctor - something simple like you have noticed that he finds some things more difficult than other boys (being still and listening for example) and that the doctor may be able to help him do this better. This makes it much easier for the doctor to explain to your DS why he needs to have some other assessments (eg with Occupational and physiotherapy - they do the diagnostic assessments for dyspraxia in the UK). Your DS may want to ask the doctor questions too and it can be surprising what children have been worrying about.

[ernest]

lol, don't worry anniebear. i was a bit surprised when I first read it, but I did realise what you meant.

Ds knows we're going to docs, and it is essentially a routine devpmt check, every 2 years here, he's been to his and his brothers and we're forever in and out of the docs anyway, so that's ok. i don't want to say anything to him yet.

I phoned docs today and said I had concerns and wished the doc to be aware of them before the check, and asked if I should just outline them in a note, but they said for me to come in, so dh and I will go in together next week, I am meeting his teacher tomorrow, but not really sure if I should just be outlining my concerens to her, so she's aware, or if I should be asking for her opinion etc. She seems very nice, so we'll see. Spoke to my aunty whose dd had language problems and she also works in special school (had forgotten) and she agred there's def something wrong and he needs to be assessed. A few tings she found particularly worrying/noteworthy, so feel more confident that I'm not over reacting & that he needs help. Also feel bad for the times I've told him off for stuff that I now see is all linked and not at all his fault

[anniebear]

phwee, glad you realised!

Let us know how you get on at the docs

Dont feel bad for telling him off! Im always yelling at both of mine (twins SN and NT)

[ernest]

His teacher was excellent, very supportive, I felt happy that she also understood that his difficult behaviour was more often than not out of his control, rather than labelling as a naughty boy, and she seemed to genuinely like him and empathise, and she jotted down loads of notes, and I'm confident, even without a diagnosis, at least she'll be helping him as best she can.

SHe also has 3 boys of school age, so confident she undertood, not just academic but also social concerns. So v. happy with initial steps so far.

He has occupational therpy and also spoke to this teacher, who was also very supportive, and she also knows ds's paediatrician very well, as they work together with many other kids, so the fact they also have good working relationship, and both know my ds should help.

Thanks. Will let you know how I get on at docs on Monday

[ernest]

update -

went to doctors this morning. very disapponted. i came away feeling like an idiot

[staryeyed]

why is that ernest? What did they say?