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Extreme shyness in 2yold, could it be anything else?

(19 Posts)
Uki Fri 10-Aug-07 10:57:11


I have a friend, and although I do not want to judge. I am a bit worried about her 2 year old dd. She behaves very well but shows, no intrest in adults or other children, no eye contact or responses to questions from myself. I have never seen her smile,talk, laugh or even cry, haven't seen a tantrum either. Her mum says she is just shy and does come out a bit more at home or with other relatives a little. Although at her 2nd birthday party i just saw her hide between people's legs and not engage with anyone or any of the new toys.

she is 2.5 now and i see her every week, and try and get her to talk or laugh or play with me, but nothing happens. Again i don't want to interfere and label but could it be mild Autisim, or just some acute shyness.

2mum Fri 10-Aug-07 11:05:02

Maybe you should mention to the childs mother about taking her to the gp to get the ball rolling. Show her this site or google autism to show her the symptoms to see what she thinks. It could be this or it might not be anything. but some of the symptoms youve described does make it seem as though there might be something.

Uki Fri 10-Aug-07 12:13:46

Thanks 2mum, i guess I'm quite worried about offending her or being too intrusive, but from what I've read on shyness and autisim, the sooner the diagnosis the better. it's a hard one.

Just wondering also if some autistic children do not have the more active behaviours, hand flapping, rocking, head banging, etc as she doesn't do anything like that.

2mum Fri 10-Aug-07 12:24:02

Yeah Autism is a big spectrum (im no expert but know a bit about it). It sounds as if she could be at the higher end of the spectrum, high functioning autism or aspergers. if so once she gets an appointment at the Gps the Gp will make the referrals and get the ball rolling. My son is low functioning and has all the signs you were describing and hes non verbal too.

anniebear Fri 10-Aug-07 13:14:32

I personally wouldnt mention anything

Presuming she will go to pre school at some point, they will pick it up? Or the HV might

I think I would be upset if a friend pointed out that she thought there was something 'wrong' with my child. Unless of course I was already worrying myself

I think the best thing to do would be to leave it for now, but if at some point she does have worries you are there for her

Uki Fri 10-Aug-07 13:23:40

I agree with you annie, i will not say anything unless she brings it up, but i guess now i'm just curious and want to be able to say the right thing if she does ask. I mean even if it is just shyness she is missing out on alot already, as adults and children are not interracting and engaging with her.

2mum Fri 10-Aug-07 13:36:30

I wish someone had said something to me as i was clueless to both my sons conditions. I just thought i had a lively kid that didnt sleep much (ds1 adhd) until his nursery teacher had a word with me. And as for ds2 i dint know the symptoms of Autism and just took him to the doctor at 2 as i thought he might have glue ear as he wasnt talking. Both their diagnosis were a shock to me and i would have appreiated if a friend or relation had noticed and said to me. But its up to you what you do i can see the other posters point of view as well.

anniebear Fri 10-Aug-07 13:39:52

If she brings it up I would just say "maybe you should mention it to the HV? maybe she could give you some advice"

anniebear Fri 10-Aug-07 13:42:36

I think family are maybe ok to mention it,

But not sure about friends! Maybe I am way off the mark. maybe friends can say it to one another!!

Be interesting to see what others think?

anniebear Fri 10-Aug-07 13:43:19

Obviously depending on your relationships with your family!!!!

Lol, not many would appreciate it from their MIL

2mum Fri 10-Aug-07 13:50:22

close friends would be ok but i dont think i would have liked it if someone behind the till in Tescos said it!

Uki Fri 10-Aug-07 13:59:18

I think my friend is a little worried, but as it is her first child she doesn't have much to compare her too, also she is such a good child, i.e you don't know she's there. It is probably easy to not see anything IYKWIM.

Her family say she (mum) was shy as a child and that's it.

Uki Fri 10-Aug-07 14:06:43

I was thinking I could maybe say something (when in context) like have you checked her hearing? She doesn't seem to respond to me?

2mum Fri 10-Aug-07 14:11:23

That could be a softer approach.

2mum Fri 10-Aug-07 14:12:09

You should say that to the mother and she what she thinks.

Uki Fri 10-Aug-07 14:21:30

thanks 2mum. You have been very helpful.
Do you manage OK with your 2ds's? i imagine they are quite different from each other.

2mum Fri 10-Aug-07 14:42:55

Hi Uki, yes they are very different from each other! It can be very hard at times with the both of them. But im quite used to mspecial needs now and i probably wouldnt know what to do if i ever had a child who was nt! Id probably be too overprotective of him/her! Im very lucky that they are both in good schools, everythings been going well that way so far! My younger son has a lot more needs than my older son. and it was a ahock finding out about his autism, i had a hard time coming to terms with it. But im fine now.

Uki Sat 11-Aug-07 13:31:26

2mum- You sound very strong and proud of your boys. My older brother has ad/hd so I'm familar with it, us younger siblings sustained a few broken injuries from it LOL. He had grown into a very hard working man though.

I've been doing a bit more research on special needs and seems alot of dc arn't diagnosed till school age.

2mum Mon 13-Aug-07 00:14:47

Hi uki im glad to hear your brother has come on so well. You all must be proud of him for doing well. I think im gaining more strength that way as time goes on over a year ago when ds2 was diagnosed with asd i was in bits and got depressed for a while but i sorted myself out eventually as the months went on. I am proud of my kids they are two lovely children. you`re right about some children only getting diagnosed when they start school. I think especially with adhd and aspergers, some children dont get diagnosed till theyre older. I think everyone should be made more aware of special needs. I notice when i tell people about my kids they dont know what to say and get a bit embarassed probably as they dont know how to react or dont know anyone who has it.

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