I can't cope :(

(3 Posts)
BirthdayKake Sat 06-Apr-19 12:24:58

Ok so I'm pregnant so everything is worse atm but I'm struggling so much with how to feel about my son.

He's 10, has Asperger's. He's always been negative, argumentative, quite moody and miserable but has got even worse lately. He's rude and gives me attitude. He HATES washing and will give me so much shit before he actually does it but he stinks of sweat.

He says he has no friends at school (we've been in this area for just over a year) yet his teacher days different.

All he does is stay in his room, playing games and watching TV. I try to control screen time but he'll find ways of sneaking the games back. He'll get up at 3am and try to go on things and then is knackered and horrible after school. He's broken my laptop and he's broken TV remotes.

He has some chores/responsibilities which he was getting quite good with as he loves his routines but I've just found out that for the past two days he's lied about feeding the guinea pigs. So angry.

Yet his "dad" who has only been in his life for two years picks him up once a week, for one hour, takes him to McDonald's and then the shop to buy sweets and/or a fizzy drink, gives him a fiver, and he's fiercely protective of him. I can't fucking compete with that sad

Sorry if this is a ramble. Don't really know what I want people to say. I just wish he wasn't here sometimes. I dread coming home to him as it's like having an abusive partner in the house sad

OP’s posts: |
2rabbits Sat 06-Apr-19 18:46:33

You're clearly a brilliant Mum, we can tell from all the things you're trying and from your description. Even without SEN it's horrid having to be the 'bad cop' parent because you're the one who is responsible for his life, not just a one hour a week jolly. With Aspergers as well you are doubly snookered here. It is clear that you love your son. You could maybe try to go round some things. Perhaps get school to help you write a 'contract' for home eg: I will finish playing games by 9pm and if I do that mon to Thursday nights Mum will take me to xyz that he loves. I will shower once a week and on all other days I will use wash wipes (amazon, no soap or water needed) in 'pits and bits (sorry if TMI). Apart from that maybe just try hugging him and accepting and praising any little tiny thing he does right. Just some ideas but remember... You're doing amazing - nd growing another human at the same time. Power to you!

wintersweet1977 Sat 06-Apr-19 21:06:34

I can totally identify with this. I'm on my own with four children with special needs and it is very hard. My eldest (12) has been very abusive and quite nasty at times with all of us.

You can't compete with someone who pops up and gives treats with no rules and no consequences.

As for the washing it may be a sensory processing thing and he may be better with wipes as the lady earlier said.

I would also consider the fact that he may be uneasy about how a baby will change his life, the mood changes may be this, puberty or a bit of both.

Can you ask for help? It doesn't have to be a professional if that makes you uneasy maybe a family member or friend that will take him for a little time each week and/or will promise to have the baby or care for it in your home so you can dedicate some time to your son after the birth? Also I find my eldest is worse when he has more time on his console, it's hard to limit it but it's worth it in the end as he's not quite as nasty.

Good luck with it all.

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