His worries are that she would be labelled and that she would feel worse with a diagnosis as she likes to fit in and would then feel different from all the others.
he is worried about lowered expectations both her own and those of others.
Your daughter is already experiencing huge anxiety. I would be worrying much more about this.There have been a number of threads on here recently about children with such high levels of anxiety they cannot even go to school. How do you or DH know that DD doesn't already “feel different from all the others”? Have you thought that her current anxiety is caused by trying to “fit in” and feeling confused because she finds it difficult and everybody else seems to find it so easy? If she does have autism, and appropriate support is not put in place, these anxieties will just escalate to the point where she can't do anything, and she won't be in a fit state to have any expectations, apart from getting from one day to the next.
It is well documented that those on the autistic spectrum are at a higher risk of mental ill health than the general population.I know a girl who was not diagnosed with ASD until she was 15, and then only after having a complete nervous breakdown. She was in and out of education for years and wasn't able to go back into full time education until she was 19, and had an EHCP and specialist provision.
Before he had a diagnosis, DS was “labelled”. He had several labels. "Naughty.“ ”Awkward.“ ”Lazy.“ ”Rude". None of these labels were remotely helpful or supportive.They just gave the teacher a reason to shout at him and keep him in at playtime, another reason for our son to hate school, and 15 years later, another issue that had to be addressed through therapy.
DS was diagnosed with ASD when he was 7. I have never ever considered that diagnosis as a label or a disadvantage. Instead I have found it has been immeasurably useful and empowering.
Because of that diagnosis I read up and researched everything I could about autism, so I knew what it meant for DS and I had a greater understanding of his needs. and was able to think of strategies to help him which made our lives easier.
Our son's diagnosis informed our choice of secondary school. He didn't go to the school up the road, with his brothers and all his classmates from primary school, where the SENCO showed complete ignorance of autism and didn't give a toss.That would have been totally the wrong place for him.
Instead, we chose to transport him to the school 6 miles away in the next county, where the SENCO was knowledgeable and compassionate, and staff had huge experience of ASD, where there were links with a special school for children with autism, and where there were facilities for learning in smaller groups and 1:1 in a quiet and calm environment. Because it was the right school, our son settled very quickly and was very happy there.
Over the years, the knowledge that DS has a diagnosis has empowered me to stand up for him and explain to teachers and others who didn't understand him, about autism and how it affects him. and given me the confidence to insist on reasonable adjustments being made for him, knowing that his diagnosis means he is protected from disability discrimination by equality legislation. Even if it is only simple things like asking for him to be exempt from wearing a swimming hat because of his sensory issues.
But crucially, that diagnosis has been the passport to the fabulous specialist college where he has been for the last 18 months, where expectations are high, where he has made outstanding progress in all areas, where he has acquired the confidence and the skills to do things I would never have thought possible, and where he is so happy that the debilitating anxiety he once had is now hardly noticeable.
If he hadn't had a diagnosis of autism, which is part of that college's admissions criteria, DS would still be stuck at home after the disastrous experience in mainstream FE that reduced him to a complete nervous wreck, and almost broke him.
He would still be hiding away in his bedroom learning nothing, withdrawing further and further into himself, worrying incessantly about his future, and spiralling into ever increasing anxiety and depression.
I don't agree that a diagnosis “lowers expectations”. I think it's about realistic expectations, that change over time with the right support and the right education. If anything our expectations of DS get higher all the time, as he continues to surprise us with his achievements.
He would still be the same gentle, quirky, endearing young man without a diagnosis, but with it he has been enabled to do so much more than he would otherwise have done, which has given him and us, hope for the future.
