Aibu to ask how a parenting course will help with my childs concentration issues?

[JamesBondsMrs]

This is what we have been advised by the school nursing team. Fine, happy to do a course, actually looked into them a couple of weeks ago off my own back but I can't see how my methods of parenting will fix my childs' distractability/concentration issues which are my main concern. We can't have a referral until a course is done. Despite her distractibility/daydreaming showing at school now for over a year, despite the fact it's effecting her schoolwork and despite the fact school have said they don't know what to do with her.

I'm feel like we're never taken seriously. I have a child with spd who barely eats and no one seems to care (currently waiting for another referral so hoping they will help this time). There is no support and very little advice on this from the nhs so we're left to muddle along and had to pay for a private assessment. Now one of my other dc's is having issues and I already feel like I'm instantly being fobbed off again.

Sorry just needed a rant!

[knittingwithnettles]

Unfortunately you have to tick the box. It is incredibly frustrating, but there may be the occasional nugget that you hadn't thought of, or a lovely fellow parent there that gives some support/overview on your own situation.

For example in some children the distractability might be to with poor sleep patterns exacerbated by routines going awry/non existent routines, or parents not being aware of how exercise might affect their child's development in a positive way/ or emotional issues to do with conflict in the home/telling children off all the time. It is much better to send the parents on a parenting course than single them out for blame and nanny state style intervention.

Personally I know my child's distractability is to do with none of these things, he has a diagnosis of inattentive ADHD as well as ASD and dyslexia and his distractability pretty well disappeared when he was given the right help and support in class. He still cannot remember things I've told him a minute before when we are at home and doing anything "random" and unhabitual, but at least I know that shouting at him won't improve matters [wry Ds2 was always a day dreamer in class, but used to engage brilliantly as long as he knew what he was supposed to be doing (clear instructions, broken down) or he himself was participating physically in some activity, ie drama music or talking, as well as sport.

In meantime is it worth looking up some strategies for "inattentive" ADHD, or reading Out of Synch Child and Out of Synch Child has Fun. Lots of suggestions for children who are off centre, both from OT point of view and I think engaging with learning/class stuff. Also look at Dyspraxia Foundation website.

[knittingwithnettles]

There is always something on a Parenting course that you have never thought of...one of the gems I learnt was that a child who hates eating textures will often eat crisps and meringues and this can be a good start to getting them used to raw veg! It worked for us, ds2 used to hate lumps. Or that boring food can still be nutritious food, just because it is always the same that is better than fights and food refusal. And I suppose a lot of what works for your child works, rather than always thinking the rules are set.

[JamesBondsMrs]

Thanks knitting. I understand why we have to do it first, I'm just a bit arghhh today.

I've borrowed a book on adhd from the library and i have some spd books (i'm aware some spd symptoms look similar to adhd) so my plan is to go over them and put some ideas to school. And do a Solihull course!

[Allthewaves]

Standard where I live as part of referral process. Thy also send nspcc helper out to provide aid in the home (check that the issues are not parenting related). Iv been on few courses as just take them when offered. Iv found following expected steps made it easier to be pushy when needed as I was seen as a cooperating parent

[Oopsusernamealreadytaken]

For us it was a box ticking exercise

[Raaaaaah]

We have to do it as part of the process too. Actually it’s been good to meet parents in the same boat. Even if you get nothing from the ‘expert’ advisor you might glean some useful tips from other parents.

[Nettleskeins]

I remember one lady telling us that she found her little boy hated surprises at Christmas and birthday, so she made sure he always knew what he was getting and then wrapped it up...then a lot of tantrums and meltdowns were avoided. Again something you might never read in a parenting manual!

[StarlightMcKenzee]

Just say no thanks. Ask them to provide you with the evidence that shows it is a parenting issue rather than a neurological issue. If they can do that, you can agree to a parenting course, otherwise it is just nonsensical delaying.

[StarlightMcKenzee]

You don't have to tick the box. You can write (Always write) to the school nursing team and say that you are grateful for their offer and have considered the parenting course but on reflection you would rather not delay getting your child the help they need for whatever neurological condition a thorough assessment will uncover. In the meantime you are well connected with parenting support groups and feel they are better able to answer any questions you have about parenting a child with differences.

[StarlightMcKenzee]

I agree you can sometimes learn things on a parenting course. So by all means do one if you want to, but don't delay getting the referral until after you've done one. That's just silly.

[Allthewaves]

Where we live the parenting courses are not a delay. Your are on the waiting list 2 years. Attending the courses didn't delay dc being put on the referral list and the nspcc support worker provided a detailed report in dc which actually sped up the diagnosis process as it was from an unbiase person who saw dc in their own home environment

[JamesBondsMrs]

I'm not delaying the referral, they've said I can't have one until I've completed a solihull course and if we're still experiencing problems. So we're not even on a waiting list either. This seems to be in line with NICE guidelines when I looked.

The only course is during the day when both myself and dh are working. Great!

[Earslaps]

We put my son forward for assessment as he is very hyperactive and lacks concentration. The school nurse spent 10 minutes with him and said in her opinion he was clearly ADHD so referred us to the community paediatrician.

School filled in the form with him at his best, so paed came back offering us a parenting course to help us manage his behaviour.

I wrote a long letter back saying we would like to attend, but that we were already doing XYZ, and that the course couldn't help him focus, or stop him fidgeting etc etc. We explained that in the main his behaviour was good, but that he was struggling and we wanted the help for him not us!

That got us through to see the paediatrician who then watched him for 10 minutes and said she suspected ADHD so the school needed to fill in the form with him at his worst.

After that we have a diagnosis of ADHD! He's started medication and is (slightly) calmer and a lot happier. His school work is racing ahead- he has gone from towards the bottom of the class in literacy to top half.

I'd highly suggest writing back outlining the issues you have and what you have tried.

[StarlightMcKenzee]

Put yourself on another parenting course. 123 Magic or better the triple P Parenting course which can be done online.

[StarlightMcKenzee]

Or just read about the parenting course and then write an essay about how you've tried all the tips suggesting and the outcomes and can you please now have a referral.

[Coffeemachine]

I have refused such courses in the past. I was once supposed to go on autism awareness course 8 years after diagnosis to get referred to an autism team to get help with a very specific issue. I refused (was working and wouldn't have been able to go even if I had wanted) and wrote a complaint - in the end my referral was accepted without going into the course

In my LA, these courses are mainly delaying tactics and I know mums who couldn't attend because of work (these courses are usually at school hours) and didn't get the timely referral they needed as a result (i.e. short term money savings). But things blew up later...

I would put things in writing first. It's really not fair that these kind of courses are an obstacle to families where both parents have working commitments.