20 year old with social anxiety problems

(6 Posts)
pjhackett97 Tue 05-Sep-17 18:20:42

Like so many others (sadly) my son is suffering with social anxiety... he is personable, nice looking (although I know I'm biased) and has so many lovely qualities but he just doesn't see them himself. He has lost most of his friends (they have given up asking him to go out with them) and all he seems to do is work and spend time in his room.

I'm wondering if there is an online forum for others in similar situations where they could chat to each other. Maybe chatting to others with similar problems could help?

Like all other parents on this site, I am so worried about him - he says he is so very bored and just hates his life.....

OP’s posts: |
Imaginosity Thu 07-Sep-17 13:39:39

Is he depressed or anxious as well and, if he is, has he been treated dor this. It sounds like he's a but depressed isolating himself in his room.

I also had bad social anxiety as a teenager and in my early 20's but largely have grown out of it. I think I had low self esteem because of my social difficulties - and this made me depressed, which in turn made me less sociable, which in turn made me more despressed, and on and on. For me medication, exercise and CBT made a big difference. I have a few friends now as well as my DH and DCs. I never imagined back in my early 20's that my life would work out ok.

This book is good - it has a part about social anxiety www.bookdepository.com/The-Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-D.-Burns/9780452281325?redirected=true&utm_medium=Google&utm_campaign=Base1&utm_source=IE&utm_content=The-Feeling-Good-Handbook&selectCurrency=EUR&w=AFFPAU9SMKCPHYA80CSPA7DH&pdg=kwd-311544571348:cmp-711096402:adg-39922120027:crv-163912463747:pid-9780452281325&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoK6o7YqT1gIVpbDtCh3W4wCmEAQYASABEgKJ1PD_BwE
The pyschologist I did my CBT recomended it.

This is good too even though its a bit 'American' but makes you feel more positive about things www.bookdepository.com/End-Struggle-Dance-with-Life-Susan-J-Jeffers/9780312155223

notgivingin789 Fri 08-Sep-17 12:03:10

Oh yes !

I'm currently in my early 20's and my social anxiety is getting better. My social anxiety initially resulted from my self esteem and being picked on in primary school, then it heightened when DS was diagnosed.

I need to research more into CBT... but going out... facing my social fears (step by step) helped a lot.

knittingwithnettles Fri 08-Sep-17 14:12:17

Ds1 (17) was diagnosed with severe vitamin D deficiency - exacerbated by not being out and about in the sunshine when he was being shy and reclusive one rainy school holidays, following on from winter of no vitamin D. I'm sure he was not as nearly as shy when he was getting a bit of sunshine (pre-teens, early teens and having to do more with the family, outings etc, PE with school) He has improved very much since we gave him supplements (at least 1000IU a day, you can buy it over the counter).

I myself used to suffer a lot from social anxiety as a teen and I know it was always much much worse in Feb when in retrospect my vitamin D levels must have been very low. I was not a sporty teen at all, but went out quite a lot in the fresh air in the holidays, when I felt a lot better.

Just in case it is this! Ds feels miles better since we started supplementing, he is still shy but I would not say he is phobic/depressed any more, and quite chatty when he is out and about.

certainly when you are shy, some situations are far worse than others and you have to be careful how you organise your social life. So cinema, 2 people in a coffee shop good, big concert/festival very bad. that's how I remember it. I'm still shy, but I have friends and I meet people, despite hating big crowds.

knittingwithnettles Fri 08-Sep-17 14:17:30

hill walking, running, gardening, visiting interesting places, holidays for singles (the cultural sort not the rave sort) volunteering with something like the NTrust, are all much easier way to be with people than classic social situations where you have to account for yourself and make small talk and be cool. Bars and clubs are very intimidating if you are shy and cannot think what to talk about.

notgivingin789 Fri 08-Sep-17 14:44:28

Funny you say that knit !

I have low vitamin D.

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