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Feeling like a rubbish mother as cannot attend ASD support groups!

(9 Posts)
Shootingstar2289 Wed 18-Jan-17 12:40:21

Hi, I have a five year old son with ASD and an 18 month old little girl. My son was diagnosed nearly a year ago and I've have been offered a place on a few support groups/courses since then. I've had to turn every one of them down because I have no childcare for my daughter. My other half works long hours and our families work and have other commitments. I was told I could not take her, despite that she's a very quiet little girl. I have no choice but but not to go. I'm not a fan of these sort of things anyway. I suffer from social anxiety myself.

My sons TA is always trying to encourage me to attend. Saying I'm silly for not going and it will help. I get that but what am I meant to do? My son would be at school but I do have a daughter too. I did think about a childminder but times and dates vary. Plus I live in the middle of nowhere. Each group is at least 1( miles away!

I am planning to attend a brand new support group that will run once a month in my hometown as I have had permission to take my daughter. Plus my other half has booked days of a course that is running for two weeks next month (he will have our daughter, while I go). So I'm not completely failing at these.

Please someone tell me that I'm not failing by going to these groups! It isn't easy with two children!

Shootingstar2289 Wed 18-Jan-17 12:41:29

15 miles away from here I mean.

zzzzz Wed 18-Jan-17 13:20:55

Don't be silly, of course not attending courses/support groups isn't failing shock. You can be just as brilliant and never go to a single one <buffs fingernails and looks angelic>

I read tons, thought loads and hashed out things on here. The vast majority of professionals in ds's life are extremely complementary about his progress. Be calm, groups are nothing to do with raising children.

cansu Wed 18-Jan-17 13:24:13

The ta has no right to be telling you to attend anything. I have two with asd and had similar issues. Tbh the ones I have attended have been pretty useless. The only possible good thing is that you might meet another mum that you hit it off with. I met one of my closest friends in the waiting room when our children were both being assessed for asd. Having said that you have years of this ahead of you. When your dd is older and in a nursery or playgroup you can try then. Mostly its people sitting around drinking tea and talking about how crap their lives are. My own feeling is you can do that in your own home whilst watching a film or whatever. You have enough to deal with without stressing about this.

Shootingstar2289 Wed 18-Jan-17 14:43:10

Thank you zzzzz and cansu. As well as not being able to attend, I am not the most socialible person in the world. I do enjoy talking to people but at the same time I just prefer my own company (I am bizarre).

I am the bad Mummy who doesn't even take my daughter to toddler group as I cannot handle the bitchiness at my local group. 😅

I have two good friends with Autistic children as well as knowing a few others so I don't feel completely alone. I knew most of them before my son was born. You do not realise how many children have ASD, until you have a child with it yourself. Or is that just me?

Support groups just don't seem 'my thing'. They are great for some people but just not for me. I was 19 when I fell pregnant with my son. Although young, I was very mature for my age and coped well. However, my MW kept pressurising me to attend a 'young' mums group. I went and absolutely hated it. It was full of young ladies much younger than me talking about this and that and I never went again! 😯

blaeberry Wed 18-Jan-17 14:48:18

It really annoys me when this sort of things happens. Why oh why do the professionals running courses for people with children not think that there might be childcare issues or people might be at working during the course of a working day? I went to a conference recently and several researchers commented on their posters that attendance was poor due to childcare or, for school age kids, because they didn't want to miss school. It is SO obvious! (sorry, rant over blush)

blaeberry Wed 18-Jan-17 14:56:22

Forgot to say, support groups are to there to help you. If you don't find this sort of group supporting then there is no point going. Generally though I find groups (including toddlers groups) all vary so you may have to try a few before you find a group of people you 'click' with.

F1ipFlopFrus Wed 18-Jan-17 15:35:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tartanterror Sat 21-Jan-17 21:35:48

Our post diagnosis course offered a crèche at our local disability centre where the workers are experienced in ASD. I'd reply back to the course offer and say you'd be delighted to come once they offer a crèche like in other parts of the country I should say that I think this only just started after people gave feedback. We were thankful they ran a course in our area and it was clear it was evolving all the time as the organisers learned what was needed. Best bit about it was meeting the other people

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