For a while I've had concerns about DD. Mainly with her not understanding things. That's the biggest worry and the thing that kinda affects everything else because she doesn't seem to 'get' why what she's done is wrong. This really worries me from the point of view that she doesn't understand why she's being disciplined. So it wont be effective. It hasnt so far. Even though she's been told several times not to, for example, kick a toy out from under her little brother leaving him to fall face first onto the floor. She's nearly 4. Another thing we struggle with is toilet training issues. She absolutely refuses to defecate in the toilet. She still wets herself regularly, at playschool, on the sofa, in the supermarket. In the car a lot. But she will also use the toilet sometimes, she might say she needs to go a few times an hour. Another thing which actually annoys me is she will point and grunt or make babyish babbly sounds rather than use her words to ask for something.
The thought that she might need extra help has kind of snuck up on mke the fact that she wasn't progressing passed me by and now she's nearly four but in many ways seems like a two year old still. It probably doesnt help that I fell pregnant when she was two and a half, had DS nine months ago and when he was born he was very, very sick but he recovered from that but then got ill again with something unrelated and has since been diagnosed with a rare illness that is unfortunately there's no cure for. In fact I'm currently filling in forms in relation to DS and a lot of the 'additional needs' section don't apply to him because he's so young but they do apply to DD. I never realised that sleeping problems could be a sign that a child has additional needs. DD is a frequent waker. Although she does settle pretty quickly.
I spoke to the HV at DDs three and a half year developmental checkup and admitted that I was worried about a few things. She gave me a questionnaire to fill on which I did and soon after a letter came from the Health Board asking for consent to have her assessed. I also think it would be a good idea to talk to her playschool.
Anyway, the main problem I have is not with DD, the problem is my husband absolutely refuses to believe she is anything other than perfectly average, just maybe misbehaves sometimes (but he also says she never misbehaves for him which is just simply a lie - or realistically it's more denial) He refuses to agree to have her assessed and you need both parents signatures. He says if she's still like this 'in a year or two' he'll agree to take it further. it's been pointed out to him that the wait list could well be a year or two long so makes sense to send in consent forms now. He has also accused me of 'expecting her to be perfect all the time' and he says she misbehaves because I was too soft with her when she was younger. I'm really struggling here and I have said this to him and that I'd like to ask for help. I'm the one who is day-to-day dealing with her and I have a 9 month old too. I worry about how to deal with her because I don't think I'm currently doing a good job and I also worry about how much more damage I'll be doing by not dealing with her in the most beneficial way in the next possibly four years.
DD massively favours her dad. She has said 'I love you' to him. Whereas she's more likely to tell me to stop if I try to join in with something. I've been told to 'stop, mammy' 'shush' 'not you sing' and even 'go back down the stairs' when I've gone after her to see her safely to the bathroom. When I was pregnant with DS it was my turn to get up with her and she was insistent that her daddy get up with her not me. In fact she closed the bedroom door in my face. It's very hard when I admit 'I'm struggling with her behaviour' and all I get in response is criticism and denial. Like I don't already feel enough like crap admitting to having problems. So, I'll end the huge saga now and ask if anyone has any advice? I don't know what I can do if my husband isn't on board. You do need the two parents to sign, I've checked. I feel like life would be hard enough with support, it's almost unendurable without.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
I think DD needs help. Husband refuses.
11 replies
TathitiPete · 06/01/2017 16:49
OP posts:
zzzzz ·
06/01/2017 17:37
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
zzzzz ·
06/01/2017 20:19
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
zzzzz ·
06/01/2017 22:51
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.