She just won't go to sleep and I've had enough!

[EwanWhosearmy]

DD is 9; almost 10. She has ADHD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, and Sensory issues. Probably other things as well. Every night we are having the same routine from her and I just can't stand it anymore.

DH takes her to bed at 9pm. She has a drink etc before she goes up. He reads to her for 30 minutes, then he goes to work. If I'm lucky I get 45 minutes peace before it starts but not always. She comes halfway down the stairs.

Mummy. Mummy.
I need a hug.
I need a hug.
I'm scared.
I need a drink.
I don't like the dark.
Can I come down?
Mummy. Mummy.
Mummy I need a a hug.
I don't want to be alone.

She can keep this up for well over an hour.

I've tried responding immediately and providing the hug. I've tried completely ignoring. I've tried yelling "go back to bed". I've tried silently marching her back upstairs. Nothing works. I end up completely losing it (shouting) and her screaming hysterically.

Over Xmas I gave up putting her to bed at all and took her up when I went but that didn't work either. She then keeps me awake for hours on end wriggling about.

The biggest issue is she is sensory seeking and has to be held/touched all the time; while I am sensory avoiding and can't actually bear to be touched at all. She is happiest with her whole body being in contact with mine at all times, while I'd actually like to be totally alone! Her constant movement makes my skin itch.

I've tried talking to her in the daytime but it makes no difference and she doesn't respond to sticker charts, threats or bribes. Taking her out for long periods during the day makes no difference. She has nightlights of all descriptions and turns the main light on the minute I turn it off. We restrict screens before bed.

When it's really bad we use melatonin but it tends to give her nightmares so she's tapping me in the night to wake me up. Last night she had melatonin and it didn't work at all. She went to sleep after midnight and I ended up not going to bed until 1.30am just to get some peace.

I've run out of ideas completely but if I don't get some sleep soon I'm going to crack up. Anybody out there in SEN land experienced this and can suggest a solution?

[PanannyPanoo]

Does she have music on? We use piano cascades. and a mindfulness for children for our daughters which has really helped. I had a beanbag pillow when I was pregnant that I cuddled. My daughter uses that now. its called big v by theraline. It gives her the feeling of being next to someone. hope you find a solution soon. My daughter has started sleeping after 4 years. You must be on your knees.

[reader108]

My ds using story cds to help him get to sleep. He has several night lights wind up torch, dream jar and a flask of cold water. He knows he can come into me after 20 minutes awake in the night.
Struggled +++ on holiday he eventually worked out to fold the pillow up around his head and hold it there until he fell asleep. Every noise was TO MUCH for him really showed how difficult it is for him. He likes to sleep with his hand on my face, can't say how many times I've woken in a panic with his hand over my mouth or nose

[EwanWhosearmy]

Thank you all; I will try some of these. I knew we couldn't leave a weighted blanket on all night so I hadn't gone down that route, but music and story CDs will be worth a try, and I will look into that workbook.

She has a whole collection of lights of various sorts, colours, shapes....

Leaving her on the sofa doesn't work because she doesn't fall asleep, and she tends to articulate her every thought.