Hello, new to this

[gintonicgin]

Hello. where to start. My lovely DS has started mainstream reception. We are almost certain he has autism, as are the school - who are being lovely and supportive. We are on the waiting list for autism assessment.

DS has always been 'hard work' and we have always had our suspicions. Now he is older, the difference between his peers has dramatically changed. He is our first, we also have a toddler who seems NT. We've had a long time to come to terms with DS not being NT, things have been put into motion since he was 2.5. Sometimes I feel like everything will be OK, other times it feels raw and shit.

Our main concern is his struggle with social communication. Things just don't come naturally to him. He has the language, but how much of it is learned phrases we are not sure. He is worse at school than he is at home, but I am sure that will change once he feels settled and strategies are put into place etc.

I guess I am writing this post to throw a friendly wave out there. I don't know anyone in RL who is going through this. Our family don't live nearby. All my baby friends have NT children. I can feel quite isolated.

I wish, wish, wish I could look into a crystal ball and see DS and know how he has turned out and is coping. It is such a worry for me. I am also expecting and another worry is how much this worry is affecting DC3.

[MoMandaS]

Hello, I'm glad you posted! Your DS sounds a lot like mine and your feelings about the situation also echo my own! He is almost 4 so not at school yet but is already getting lots of support despite no formal diagnosis. We have two toddlers as well. They are a lot less work than DS1, but I do wonder sometimes if they might also be on the spectrum but perhaps not affected so much by sensory processing issues.

It is good that your DS school is being supportive - I'm worried that when my DS starts, he might be dismissed and lose the excellent support his preschool and the local authority inclusion team have put in place.

I feel my baby friends don't really understand the situation, because to them he doesn't seem particularly different - I get the impression they almost think we're exaggerating his difficulties, for attention or something, or maybe they just feel uncomfortable, I don't know. Family also seem to not want to believe there's anything wrong so we don't feel very supported from that quarter either.

I don't think you should worry (easier said than done) about how your worry is affecting the baby because there's not much you can do about that! I too often worry about how DS will turn out and how he'll cope as an adult, but I try to remind myself that it's best to focus on supporting him in the here and now, taking each day at a time, because making him feel safe, developing his strengths and supporting his social and emotional development at this young age will give him the very best chance of coping as an adult. I also feel heartened by the examples of Guy Martin and Chris Packham, both of whom are on the spectrum and very successful at what they do!