My little girl who turned 4 in July has just started school. I am terribly anxious about her behaviour and personality. I have been reading about Asbergers in girls and am wondering whether she ticks a fair few boxes. My OH thinks the lists that you can get from the various sites are so long that you could fit any (mildly quirky) 4 year old into them. I am not convinced and my niggles are still here. I feel a great deal of sadness and pain about this because we don't have many friends where we live. I am an introvert and not good in social situations. So feel terribly, terribly guilty. Even wonder sometimes whether I am on the spectrum myself and I have no-one to talk to about it. So sad am in bits. I just don't know whether the things she is doing are in the range of normality or not.
She doesn't fit in, I don't fit in.
Is it too early to start seeking professional help for her? I found school so tough - very very very shy, and got bullied - and I feel she is so vulnerable. I don't want her to go through the same experiences as I did.
The things that make me wonder....
She has no friends her age - none. She is very shy in social situations. Hated going to nursery. Plays very happily by herself. Once talked about someone she liked but then said that person didn't want to be her friend. I put a note in the child's bag at nursery asking them over for a playdate and didn't get any response. She is great with adult members of the family. Watches other children playing together but completely clams up and tries to hide if they talk to her.
She doesn't seem to care when she hurts people. She is extremely attached to me but doesn't understand what is going on when she makes me cry from saying awful things or doing something we've told her many many times not to do. She said to me once, 'is this a sad face?' making her mouth turn down.
She does stuff like drawing on the walls which I would have thought she would have grown out of by now. She seems to have no moral compass. Her reasoning is whether she will get found out or not, not whether it is right or wrong.
She is very into cats and animals, totally uninterested in dolls. Huge imagination and makes up complex stories. She has a big vocabulary and loves books.
She does gym and swimming classes and is noticeably less physically coordinated than her peers who are all being put into more advanced classes now. She is completely intolerant of having water on her face at any point (bath/shower/pool). Can't ride a bike or use a scooter. Runs like the wind.
She compulsively folds her eyelids inside out which makes us all scream and shudder (but she's not doing it for the attention, she gets caught doing it). No idea how to stop this habit.
She has a real attentional problem - we have to say stuff over and over again for her to either listen or respond. Sometimes it's because she hasn't heard (not paying attention), I think around 50% of the time it's because she's just ignoring us. Have tried eye contact - she hates it - and getting down on her level to talk, which helps a little, but not completely.
She has very specific favourite foods. Will eat cucumber, pasta, prawns. Won't eat tomato or potato. Is improving on eating other stuff - seems fine with school lunches. Clothes similar: specific favourite dresses. Won't wear skirts or trousers. Fine with getting into school uniform (dress).
Things she DOESN'T do: she doesn't often have major meltdowns. She doesn't appear to be over obsessional about stuff (beyond cat toys). She doesn't line things up, or show any sign of accelerated reading or maths skills. She is very loving, expressive and tactile within the family.
She seems happy at school so far, teachers have only commented that she doesn't play with anyone. Haven't raised any concerns with them - she's only been there a month.
Am I worrying too much too soon?
And how can I help her make friends (which she seems to want to do, although she hates the idea of sharing) when I'm so bad at it too?
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4 year old daughter with aspergers...and maybe me too...feel so sad and scared
8 replies
snowdrop2011 · 06/10/2016 10:10
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PolterGoose ·
06/10/2016 10:19
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zzzzz ·
06/10/2016 12:54
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06/10/2016 15:49
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