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I just want to admit defeat

(16 Posts)
Amithenormalone Fri 23-Sep-16 11:48:34

I know I can't but they are tearing me up in side.
I have 3 dcs dcs 1 is 12 and sn dcs 2 is 3 and sn dc 3 is 2.

Dcs 1 doesn't want to go to school the school have implemented some very big changes this year including shaking up the ta system which just thrown him for six and now is struggling to cope and pushing his boundaries at school 3 weeks in already had 5 phone calls from school about him. Every morning it's a fight to get him to school.
Dc 2 has started nursery hates it ( hates being out of the house generally which does help) melts down everyday at nursery for at least the first hour they are struggling and I was told yesterday that he's scarying the other kids. Every ounce of me doesn't want to leave him there but I know I have to do it sad
Dc 3 struggles when dc 2 is at nursery he hates leaving him like that I have to take home as no one else to have him. He screams for dc 2 the whole time he's at nursery.
I am so exhausted sat dreading 1 coming along as that's when dc 2 starts nursery.
I just want to shut the world out wrap them all up into a little bubble and protect them. I know I can't do this but my motherly instinct wants to. I really don't know how long I can keep up with this!

zzzzz Fri 23-Sep-16 12:02:17


They don't have to go to nursery if it doesn't suit your family

Amithenormalone Fri 23-Sep-16 12:05:02

They want him in nursery so they can run assessments to see if he needs to go to a sn school as they don't think he will handle mainstream at all. If I don't send him nursery he will have to go mainstream school till he's assessed which his support worker thinks will be a far lot worse than him being in nursery at present.

zzzzz Fri 23-Sep-16 12:10:58

Yes except he will be much older confused
They don't need him to be in nursery to assess his needs anyway. Sounds very convenient for everyone except you and dcwho are the ones they should be supporting.

Do you pay for nursery? If so I'd reallocate the money to a nanny for a couple of mornings and a cleaner and have fun for 12 months.

Amithenormalone Fri 23-Sep-16 14:13:16

No he's in nursery on special needs funding. His support worker sorted as his pieadatrican was adiment that he doesn't have issues and that all he needed was nursery and the chance to be social ( he does have this at home with a younger and older siblings and also next doors 4 children come to play alot) he's hating it though doesn't want to be social and refuses to interact with any children he's exhausted and very clearly can't handle it the 3 hours is to long and there's too many children around for him. The nursery itself are great and they really are trying even though they are finding it a struggle.

WellTidy Fri 23-Sep-16 14:33:52

My DS is now 4.4 and he started doing a couple of mornings know pre school when he had just turned 3. He has ASD, which was diagnosed a few months after he started at pre school.

Push for him to have a one to one support worker.

Don't leave him for the full three hours straightaway. Work up to it gradually. DS started by doing half an hour and worked in gradually to three hours by the end of the first term. There is no way he would have coped otherwise.

Amithenormalone Fri 23-Sep-16 14:42:37

We did build up. He was fine till Wednesday then it all changed. I will push for one to one to be honest his key worker has worked with him one to one since this all started. Thank you both for your replys flowers

zzzzz Fri 23-Sep-16 15:05:18

Do you feel he is ready for nursery?

Amithenormalone Fri 23-Sep-16 15:49:02

No to be honest I don't think know he's ready for anything he's the same leaving the house to do anything he just litrealy wants to be at home all the time.

Frusso Fri 23-Sep-16 16:10:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amithenormalone Fri 23-Sep-16 16:21:11

There ishould it's connected to the sn school he has to be assessed and be given a EHC plan to attend it. He's under portage at the moment and once December comes and portage pulls out he will be referred to the sn teacher who will then work with the council to do all the assessments for this.

zzzzz Fri 23-Sep-16 16:24:02

I'm really on my back foot about nursery (MN I did it for ds who is now 11 and it hasn't scarred him for life or anything). Hindsight is a marvellous thing and I suppose looking back I just don't feel it helped him or us. His dx now is ASD severe language disorder, and at 3 he just wasn't ready. It's a developmental delay, and I think there's a lack of joined up thinking about it.

If your child is functioning emotionally at clingy-big-baby-stage, then treating him like pre-schooler-ready-to-make-friends-and-explore-the-world isn't going to help him. It's far more likely to overwhelm and terrify him.

Don't listen to me, or the peadiatrician, or the support worker, think hard and listen to what you truly think will make him happy. Happy children learn and develop, unhappy ones build defence systems.

Amithenormalone Fri 23-Sep-16 16:38:05

Thank you for all your replies and thank you for being so understanding.
I don't want to make him shut down witch he slowly is doing. He's being assessed for Asd spd language delay and development delay.
I am going to sit down with my husband this weekend and have a real full length discussion on it all and come up with a plan what we think he needs and tell everyone. I don't want to cause him all this distress we need to figure it a better way.

WellTidy Fri 23-Sep-16 17:33:19

My DS wasn't ready for pre school. He couldn't understand anything about being there and was very, very distressed. It wasn't in any way a positive experience for him until he had a designated one to one worker, who has been an absolute godsend.

He did two sessions a week, so two 3 hour sessions until the end of the summer term in which he turned four. We have deferred his entry into primary school for another year, as he simply isn't ready. He has asd, and a sever speech and language delay. He is on average about 18 months delayed, though we have just toilet trained him (he is 4.4yo).

I completely understand your position. zzzzz has given some excellent advice.

Scarlet27 Fri 23-Sep-16 18:09:34

I have a 3 .6 year old who sounds similar , who will not cope at all with nursery and our pead who has said she not nuro typical but suggested that nursery would help speed up the 1 year wait for diagnosis(not sure how as shes already seen OT/Audiology/Pead/music therapy all of whom say she has little to no eye contact and severe SPD and anxiety)
I think i have decided to keep her home whats the point if its only going to distress her more (my biggest fear is that as shes fine with us but what if force it on her makes her not trust us)
I feel bad saying this but its nice to know im not the only one.....

youarenotkiddingme Fri 23-Sep-16 19:09:53

Love that zzzzz about learning and building defences.

I agree nursery can be great for a child who can access it. But if it's causing so much stress re evaluating is what's best for yiur family.

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