Feeling overwhealmed

[tiptoes]

My ds who is 5 has a speech delay and selective mutism.
I have posted before about problems with the school last year re keeping him back in reception but after much hassling from myself he is now in year 1.

He settled in really well but concerned that because he does'nt talk he is just being forgotton about and he has no one on one help in the class to address his problems.
We had a time just after christmas where he was upset to go into school and I rightly or wrongly kept him off school on those days his anxiety was high.

Now this Wednesday a meeting has been arranged at the school .The letter from the headmistress just said to discuss supporting ds more at school and at home.
No mention about who would be at the meeting.
Today the receptionist at the school rang to check if me and dh were attending and it was ony by chance I asked who else was coming to the meeting.


She said ds's paediatrician ,an educational psyhcologist,the schools SENCO,a SALT,2 people from family solutions who are assessing ds at the moment at home with regards to his toileting problems and anxiety and his class teacher.

Also I was told possibly someone from school attendance and ds had missed some time from school.

Is this normal for so many people to be involved?
Or is it just my paranoia and a case of getting everyone together at the same time to save resources.

I feel so over whealmed by it all and now Iam going to be open for some awkward questions as far as his attendance and my failure to have moved foward with his toileting fear.
I assume they will talk about stamenting as the school has no funds to ge ds one on one help he needs ,not sure if thats the way forward and if i want to put ds through all the interviews and assesments he will have to have.

Am just totally apprehensive about the whole thing and just hope Ican keep it together and not start crying like I normally do when discussing ds,as i may come across as a neurotic mother.
Also concerned about why someone fron attendance will be there and what they will say.
He is 5 fgs ,he's hardly traunting.

On the positive side it's great that all these professinals are getting together to help ds.
But I can't help worrying thinking why though?

Am I bad mother Ineed all this help to help my son?

Anyone else had this amount of involvement concerning their child and the school?

Would be gratful for any advice.

[onlyjoking9329]

sorry to hear you are so worried,in my experience (3 kids with autism) multi agency meetings all the norm. don't worry if they suggest statementing your son won't be interviewed but will be observed by people in order to write reports for statementing, i would push for a statement my 3 have them and it means that the school have to legally abide by the statement, it is not a bad thing honest.

[Aloha]

This is great news! We had a multidisciplinary meeting for my ds (Aspergers - pretty mild on the spectrum, I think) when he started school. Similar number and type of people attending. I was really, really pleased. It's honestly nothing to do with having a go at you (dismiss this instantly from your mind) it is to help your child.

[tiptoes]

Onlyjoking and Aloha-Thanks for your replys.

Was starting to worry about the amount of people going to be present but at least their will be people there other than myself, who know about selective mutism.
Which in previous meetings I have felt on my own trying to explain ds's condition sounding like a totally over protective mother.

That was my big concern that ds's class teacher through her own admission knows nothing about selective mutism.
So at lease i will have support from other quarters.

Onlyjoking-Would you suggest the school or the parents applying for the statement?
Have had differing views on this.

Aloha-thanks for putting my mind at rest.

Althugh dh is concerned because of the absence that they want to chuck ds out of the school as they don't have the resources to deal with him.
Maybe over reaction on his part,I hope!!

[Aloha]

I kept my ds out of school most fridays for the first few weeks to help him cope. It was fine. Please don't worry and they certainly WON'T want to chuck him out
The only unusual aspect of this is that some schools are too crap to do it! It means the school is taking your child's difficulties seriously. Make some notes of things you particularly want to say, hear from others, or have explained to you so you get what you want out of the meeting. eg you may want the paediatrician to explain the condition to the class teacher, you may went some specific advice on toileting from the behavioural support team and you may want to know exactly how your child is being engaged in the classroom activities. It will help you focus.

[onlyjoking9329]

i wouuld suggest going for a statement yourself, school don't always want to go for a statement, if school ask for an assessment for statementing and it is turned down then they can't appeal, if you apply then are turned down you can appeal.

[tiptoes]

Thank so much Aloha-that's great advice.

I was thinking of taking in some key points I wanted answering and also your suggestion of the paediatricain explaining SM to the others is a great idea.
She will be able to expalin better than I ever could and will give his teacher a chance to ask any questions she has has well .

I know from his last school report ds has no problems understaning the work given and is always keen.
But your point about how he joins in etc is something I have wondered and it breaks my heart to think about it too deeply.

I expect I will shed a few tears as it will be an emotional subject for me and only hope they don't take that as me not being able to cope.

Thanks Aloha,you have been a great help.

[Aloha]

They will be used to tearful parents! It just shows you care. It's normal. I hope it goes really well for you.

[tiptoes]

Onlyjoking-was unaware of that as dh was thinking he would ask the school to apply for the statement thin king they would be in a stronger position.

That has been a great help, thanks.

I am always saying to dh when I have a dilemma "I will consult with mumsnet"
and always get fab advice and help.

Thanks.

Will probably be back on this thread after the meeting on Wednesday to update.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Hi tiptoes

Would not worry unduly about the number of people attending the meeting - that's pretty much par for the course. They won't have a go at you!.

Re the statementing issue I would second the suggestion made to apply for it yourselves as the parents rather than let school do it. You know its been done then and also school have no right of appeal if their request fails (you as parents do have this right). It is therefore not correct to assume that school has a stronger position in this regard - the parents have a better position here.

In your case I would certainly apply for a statement asap bearing in mind it can take six months for such a document to be issued.

IPSEA are very good in this regard (www.ipsea.org.uk) and they have model letters you can use.

(BTW all the statement requests made by my son's junior school have all been turned down without exception).

Hope the meeting goes well, makes notes and write down everything you want to ask beforehand. Try to get DH to go along with you if at all possible.

[tiptoes]

Thanks Attila-Will write down any questions I have and take long a notepad and pen as you suggest to write down any key points.

I will suggest that we apply for the statement as you have pointed out sooner rather than later by the sounds of it.
I know from reading threadson mumsnet it can be a long process and may not be sucessful first time if at all.
It seems so unfair that we as parents have to fight for help with our children in schools who have special needs .
You would think they would make it easier under the circumsatnces.

DH is very cynical about the whole thing and thinks how terrible it is that it all comes down to money at the end of the day.
He is coming along to the meeting as he said it is too important to miss especially as we will have all these professionals in one room,so hopefully something will be done.
He is abroad for 2 weeks from Saturday on business so luckly this meeting is before he goes as not sure I would have wanted to attend alone.

You say all the statements at your son's school have been turned down.Do you think it comes down to a fianancial issue according to what area you live in?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

"You say all the statements at your son's school have been turned down.Do you think it comes down to a fianancial issue according to what area you live in?"

Hi Tiptoes,

I would say yes, well in this particular LEA in the south east it certainly seems to be the case. Infact we managed to secure a statement for my son whilst he was in Infants The SENCO at DS's junior school stated there is no way he would have got it now (this is also why it was applied for back then). She was the person who stated that all their requests had been turned down.

You as the parents can apply for the statement; you certainly do not need school to do it and you are in a better position for doing so as you can appeal in the event they say no. Infact I would consider stating that you're going to apply for this yourselves. Do not take no for an answer!!. There is nothing to stop you writing to the LEA asking for your child to be assessed.

Good luck at the meeting!!. let us know how you get on.

[tiptoes]

Thanks Attila-I am in the south east as well,so will see how it goes.

Will certainly insist we apply for the statement.

Will post again tomorrow after the meeting to update.

Thanks again

[tiptoes]

Well the meeting went really well.
Was really good to have some professionals their who understood selective mutism and could point the school in the right direction in how to deal with ds in school.

They have suggested applying for a statement as soon as possible and feel ds meets all the criteria and we have plenty of evidence in the way of reports from professionals to back us up.
They said they do not have the resources in school for ds to have one on one help on a regular basis so just hope the statement request is accepted.

Still feel it is awful how parents of special needs children and the children themselves have to go through all this to be given the help in school they are entitled to.

On a positive note feel a lot more assured that we are being listened to and ds will get the support he so needs.

DH at the end of the meeting said it was good to have so many professionals in the room and thanked them for there time and for caring about ds.
He sais it was interesting listening to the opposing points of view and then went on to say glad my tax money is being spent wisely.