Help advice with managing behaviour problems - desperate

[spur999]

Hi my daughter is 8 and undiagnosed. She has massive speech and language delay/ disorder and MLD - she is a bit like a 3 yr old in an 8 yr olds body. Physically strong with some sensory and motor planning issues. Still 50/50with bowel continence. What is pushing everyone over the edge is constant whining and whinging and meltdowns about everything! Whilst there are moments of cooperation - lately they are few and far between. The school have not been very helpful as compared to other Kids in her school she is not that extreme. But at home it is like an endless top of her voice whine and protest and whinge about everything- even things she likes!!! I am at breaking point. My boyfriend is finding it unbearable. I just don't know what to do! I am also 34 weeks pregnant so anxious that new baby will be ok too.... Anyone ever managed to get through this?? Thanks

[spur999]

Acknowledging but not reacting - then giving eccouragement when she moved on used to work quite well especially in public... But over time as she got older she can keep it up for hours or tear a shop apart! Currently time out is working to stop the tantrums from escalation but not addressing the initial whinging. Visuals now/next just become fun/play - although can help too if she is in the mood....she wants to be In control of every situation so demanding ice lollies for breakfast etc. Wanting to eat sweets all the time or play on iPad can be triggers. It's now every transition so day to day life is a constant battle. It used to be easier to divert her.

[spur999]

Hi Zzzz
We are all exhausted!
Paddling pool = massive meltdown - too cold wants to put all her toys in.
iPad = massive meltdown if she can't make it work the way she wants although can help.
Food = yukky ( even if it's her favourite) refuses to sit at table and screams through the meal.
Sleep = is the only peace we get and she is usually a good sleeper. When she wakes up the whining starts as she won't go to the toilet - still in night nappies. Then meltdown about getting dressed. Then meltdown about eating breakfast... Etc.

[spur999]

Hi zzzz, that is very interesting - the escalation in behaviour has coincided with changes at her school. The school is very cagey ( independent specialist school) and I know her class changed... Some staff changes too... I have met with the head to explain how her behaviour has changed and they gave me these strategies.
There is also some change at home - new baby on way in 5 weeks - but she doesn't quite understand yet...

[spur999]

Thanks poltergoose,

I have never heard of PDA. DD is not on the spectrum at all... Apparently...but does have the other associated disorders. In fact the description on the website was a very accurate description of her!
I will read the books and your point about time out is very helpful...

[spur999]

Well PDA or stress... DD self soothes still. Jumps out of her skin if you say her name and she is busy doing something. It's fair to say she does struggle with change and is easily spooked. Home can be challenging as her dad left when she was 3 and now my new partner and kids live with us 1/3 of the time. She also stays with her dad... It's a lot to manage. The kids all get on well etc - my new partner struggles with the reality of living with DD's challenging behaviour. I am stuck in the middle of it all. I adapted my life to suit DD - new baby will arrive in August - I suspect it's going to get worse before it gets better!