SN DS,bilingual family, what to do with second baby?

[gracej]

My mother tongue is spanish and DH's is english.
When DS was born, DH and I really wanted DS to learn both our languages, so I spoke to him in spanish while DS spoke to him in english.
When DS was diagnosed (he is delayed in all areas of development) I was adviced to choose one language to comunicate with him, it would be too much for him to cope with two languages. They told us that once he learned how to speak and learned one language, we could introduce a second one. So now we speak to him in english and his level of understanding is really not bad.

My problem is that I am expecting a second baby (due in about a month). And I just cannot decide what is best, so I speak to him/her in spanish? Or do I speak to him/her in english? It will be strange talking to DS in english and to the second baby in a different language, but at the same time I want my second baby to learn my leanguage.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Please let me know your opinions...
thanks

[Homsa]

VERY similar! I'm German, DH is Finnish, we live in the UK. I spoke German and DH spoke English to DS until he turned 2, when I switched to English. I had many bitter fights about this with DH (I was very reluctant to relinquish my dream of having a bilingual family, but it was also getting increasingly obvious that DS's language was delayed - he didn't have a single word at age 2). DS was diagnosed with autism a year later. He is now 3.5 and his sister is 9 months old. I speak English to both of them. I did try speaking to DD in German but kept switching back to English without noticing, so in the end I gave up. I just sing the odd German lullaby or whatever, so they at least hear the full repertoire of German sounds as they grow up.

It's tough. I'm very sad it didn't work out, I felt so strongly about having a bilingual family, but it's also clear that DS has major problems with pronunciation and 2 languages would simply be too much for him right now. But IF his language eventually catches up with his peers, I may start reintroducing German - maybe do bathtimes in German, or somthing like that.

Good luck with whatever you decide. x

[wads]

My ds now 6 has a major language delay & pronunciation probs, he's also probably AS or HFA but no dx yet. We live in Portugal & altho I'm fluent I never thought my accent was good enough or grammatically correct enough to teach to a child so have always spoken English while Dh speaks Portuguese. We had various experts telling us either 2 languages was too confusing or on the contrary that his delay wasn't due to the 2 languages so to carry on as normal. Anyway as I said I thought my Portuguese wasn't perfect enough & living in Portugal & attanding school here of course DS has to learn Portuguese. His English is still way ahead of his Portuguese but he has finally reached the point of being able to more or less converse & make himself understood in both languages, also he now differentiates well between who he has to speak either language to. I do wonder if we had stuck to one language whether he would be further ahead by now but I'm glad that by the time we realised he had big problems we had already established that each parent spoke their own language. I hope that the process of learning 2 languages will bear fuit in the future!
I think that even if you decide to only have one spoken language you can sneak in the 2nd language with music, books, nursery rhymes as Homsa has. But it's a tough decision I know & of course I'll never know if I hindered Ds by insisting on both languages. Wow this was my longest post ever!

[gracej]

Wow, thanks for those long posts.
I don't want to hinder DS's improving communication skills, so I plan to continue talking to him in english.
It is the second baby I am concerned about. After reading your experiences and thoughts, I think probably the best is to speak to the new baby in english, and once DS starts talking properly, introduce spanish to both at the same time.
Goodness, I hope it won't be too confusing. I feel so strongly about my children knowing my language. I hope I can make it work.
Thanks for answering!

[moondog]

Interesting thread.
Now I would disagree with the advice you have been given.
I am a salt who works with people with learning difficulties in a bilingual situation (Welsh/English)

I am also from a family where many different languages are spoken.

It is true that a child may have difficulties with two languages but if that is the case,he will also have difficulties with one language so really it makes no diference.

By trying to simplify things,you are actually excluding a child with SpecialNeeds even further by denying him access to a community that speaks what should be one of his mother tongues.

I work with scores of people with intellectual impairment who manage very well (within their ability range) with two languages.

Who advised you on this Grace?

Was it a salt??

I really hope not.

If it was,was it one who is bilingual or with wide experience of bilingual communities because it certainly should have been.

As you have seen yourself it will be bizarre to speak one language to one and another to the other child.
Extrememy divisive.

I have seen it done and it isn't good for anyone.

[moondog]

Also,many people have ideas about introducing another language when the first one improves.
It very rarely works.

Establishing a language is so intrinsically tied up with a relationship that 99% of children will not accept a switch (and furthermore,parents will feel weird doing it so will invariably not carry on.)

Ten years down the line you have a kid who has a handful of phrases in the target language and a few songs.

Good for nothing really.

I feel very sad and angry for you Grace.

[eidsvold]

i would use your second language with both children.

I noticed from your post you said your ds' understanding is not bad - well why not start to introduce spanish to him and then when the new babe comes - you will be in the habit of doing it.

I would not even wait until your ds begins speaking english well. You could target a few words to start with for him to know in both spanish and english and then move from there - you know words around a theme - perhaps with the new baby coming - start with that - iyswim.

My dd1 has down syndrome and her level of understanding is much greater than her level of communication - doesn't mean I stop using spoken english with her and only use the makaton signing - I do both.

i am sure I have just confused you but I don't see how denying your ds part of his cultural heritage is a good thing.

[geekgrrl]

hi grace, I have three children, they're all bilingual. Dd2 is 5 and has Down's syndrome.
I am German, dh is English and we live in the UK, we do OPOL.
Dd2 also has additional problems in that she has moderate hearing loss - this is now aided, but it wasn't until last year.

There is some research out there specifically into bilingualism in children with SN, and it is overwhelmingly positive. how old is your ds? It might not be too late.

Like moondog I feel very angry on your behalf - I too have come across a very ignorant SALT who made me feel like I was actually harming dd2, and who passed on this feeling to the school dd2 attends, instantly making them think I was awkward and didn't have dd2's best interests at heart.

The many benefits of bilingualism aside, there was no way I could 'divorce' dd2 from her German extended family - I'm very close to them and we see far more of them than we do of dh's.

Dd2 does have a major speech delay - she is just getting more confident with the two word stage - but I don't think that the extra challenges bilingualism brings are cumulative in addition to the challenges posed by DS & hearing loss, IYKWIM? There are so many countries where it is normal to speak more than one language - Wales, Switzerland, India , parts of the USA & Canada come to mine - and where individuals with SN also learn more than one language as a matter of course.
Dd2 understands German just as well as English (her understanding is good) and says a few German words.

As you can tell I feel really strongly about this - denying your child access to half their heritage & family is just a bad thing, and if this has been suggested by a SALT, makes it about as bad as a case of medical negligence.

[moondog]

Wise words Geek.
Will be great for Grace to hear of such a positive experience and I also feel very angry on your behalf for the ignorant SALT advice you have had.

What an idiot.
It is negligence-you are dead right there.

I know of a salt who wanted a family to stop speaking Welsh to their child (this in an area of Wales where there aren't so many Welsh speakers) as he was being placed in an English medium language unit.

Her immortal words (quoted often in our dept. to shrieks of anger and horror) were 'Well,the parents just have to decide where their priorities lie don't they?

I love it when I see people with learning disabilities patiently correcting or helping adult learners of Weslh.
It's great-really turns the tables!

Don't automatically trust the brigade of officials you will see in your life (of which I am one of course).Trust your heart when it comes to your children.