Split parenting a child with mild autism problems

[EmmaCH23]

Hello my son is almost 5 he was diagnosed autistic in Jan. Me and his dad split up just before he turned 3. His dad has regular access. His dad however does not communicate or do anything we ask, because of this we are hitting problems with behaviour. We like in the UK. Social said stop him seeing his dad but I have no money to go to court or see a solicitor his dad lives with his family and between them probably can. His dad refuses to accept his son is autistic. And I'm at my wits end. He is so challenging because of the two sets of rules and boundaries and I don't know how to discipline him, we tried chair, step, taking toys away nothing seems to work any advice welcome please no one seems willing to help

[EmmaCH23]

I wouldn't mind going but I don't think his dad would attend, and on top of that his parents have another set of rules and won't listen to anyone as they have had kids of there own and know everything. We are trying to start the mediation process his dad backed out of a yr ago. The guy is just really awkward. I will however look into for myself and suggest it to him anything is worth a try.

[EmmaCH23]

No but he blurted it out loudly in a school meeting and asked when they can retest to which point school said it can't be done

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

'Traditional' parenting methods are unlikely to work IMO. What behaviours are you trying to change? I always think of behaviour as communication; a lot of autistic behaviours are driven by anxiety or sensory needs. I imagine it's very hard to be consistent in this situation but it's pretty pointless (again IMO) him not 'believing' an autism diagnosis. Does he have any knowledge on the subject? I have a DS the same age also recently diagnosed. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.

[EmmaCH23]

If you tell him off he has an attitude like a teenager he thinks all our punishment is a joke at his dads they have two sets of rules as his grandparents live there also. He cries if my partner tells him off but if I do it he accepts it, I don't think that's necessarily his autism. When he comes back from his dads he's confused and forgets how to get dressed and things like that I accept that as definitely autism.

[tartanterror]

I'm new here but wanted to post to say sorry that you are going through this. It is hard enough when parents live together! We recently bought Carole Stratton Webster's Incredible Years book. I don't know whether it will help you as much as us, but it's been really good for making things positive again and getting away from the punishment approach which just ramped up and didn't work. It was stressful for all of us! We now offer points for the things we are working on and points can be exchanged for computer time, choosing dessert; getting an extra bed time story etc. We have time out for violence or destructive behaviour but don't have to use that too much these days. The points are amazing at getting things done - DS spent 30 minutes hoovering in exchange for points to spend playing minecraft..... this from a boy who normally resists everything from getting dressed to eating..... Anyway it might be worth a look!

[Naomi43]

I wrote a similar response to another poster but---- are you aware of the "sensory diet?" there is TONS of info on the web about it. Basically, take out gluten and dairy and lower sugar. the other thing I learned is some vitamins can help calm them down- specifically magnesium ( chewable kids kind) and zinc, and also fish oil.

[frazzledbutcalm]

That's an irresponsible post naomi ... you can't just mess around with a child's diet in that way.

I think you're mistaking 'Sensory diet'. Take a proper look online and you'll see ... it's about the whole body and how to help difficulties relating to sensory issues. (my interpretation)

The OP has asked for help in managing challenging behaviour as a result of split parenting, NOT what nutrients and food to deny her child.

Sorry, OP, I have no advice.
for you though, I'm sorry you're having a tough time.

[EmmaCH23]

Thank you all. With the extra help from school he's improving alot. We will be going to mediation in an attempt to sort out the split parenting problem try and improve communication. He does now have about a week max where he regresses a little but it's not too often. I'm very proud of him. Most of his behaviour seems to stem from tiredness as they are very active with him and occasionally keep him up late from what we can gather a nap seems to help. Thought I'd respond so if anyone else is going through similar it may help them.