Needing helps and not sure what to do next

[JJsmummy81]

Hi people,

This is about my son jj, who is 5 and in year 1 at school.

Things came to a bit of a head today, and I'm unsure where to turn. He was fine at nursery, but since changing to this school for reception he isn't doing well at all. If feels like the only things they are concerned about are sitting still and his speed to get dressed after PE.

We have had concerns for 18 months with jamie but our family has gone through a really tough 3 years. 3 deaths, 1 per year (Jj's grandfather and great grandfather who both passed away after illness, and our dog Sophie that jj still misses dearly). My husband and I, because of the stress of the losses and everything that has gone with it, have both had problems with depression and we are both well now, so I appreciate that Jj may not have been emotionally ready for school. We also have a strong history of dyslexia in the families (both sides, including husband and me), and have had some things with Jamie we have both worried about that he may be dyslexic too although at his age school won't assess him.

The school have had concerns to date with Jj's refusal to do his work or join in, he would not accompany his class teacher (or any of the "3 senior management team" that asked him) outside to discuss his behaviour today, he has been put through all of the pointless exercises that they use for behaviour modification ; stickers, reward points, time outs both in and outside of his class, being kept in at break to do work he didn't complete or didn't do well enough.

My 5 year old is telling me daily that he doesn't want to go to school, that no one likes him, that he hasn't got any friends (although he does play with children and talk about them). He has been banned from both the after school clubs that he really enjoyed because he doesn't get dressed quick enough after and the school had the cheek to suggest tonight that he gets changed quick enough to take part, why won't he get changed to come home?

He clearly has a physical learning style - they are insisting on him sitting still and listening. To me this explains a lot. His previous teacher wouldn't listen to my concerns , telling me that most of this is "normal for a x year old child," and we seem to be getting the same this year when we meet his teacher.

He also has behaviours consistent with sensory processing disorder - stimming, aversion to sound, texture, taste, inability to tolerate change etc.. There's more but I can't list it all.

I've got a meeting with the school next Wednesday. I'm tired, emotional and fed up. This is the only school in our catchment area. I've offered to take Him private for any assessments that would help but asked the school for any directions to credible places and had no response.

I am heartbroken that my 5 year old has such a negative outlook on school already and a school that are keen to keep repeating what isn't working, I am just hoping it's not too late to change it.

Any advice....

We have had referrals to CAHMS (apparently thats the way to educational psychology now), his Guthrie card is being checked for CMV in case this is an issue (my work means I would have been highly likely to encounter this in pregnancy), he has been referred to SENCO, and we use attachment parenting and "love languages for children" techniques at home which work well.

Just can't get the school on board....

[Youarentkiddingme]

Have you been to the GP? That would be my first point of call.

Take a bullet point list of everything you've noticed and a list of what you've tried and what has works or not.
Ask for a referral to a paediatrician who specialises in development. They should then look at your DS as a whole and decide which service to refer onto and arrange specific assessments.
If you suspect sensory difficulties you may be able to self refer to an OT - if not the pead should be able to refer. They also could offer advice re dressing etc - eg if there is motor skills deficits that are causing difficulties.

The sad truth is that some schools are just nit hood at recognising or supporting children with SN/SEN and the emphasis becomes on the parent to get and produce reports outlining needs and recommendations to support those.