Tribunal sending me mad

[2boysnamedR]

Honestly I can't get over how my lea are just bear face lieing about everything. It's so childish. I can't see myself being able to talk to anyone in ds school again.

Everything is focused now that ds has no needs at all, he shouldn't be on school action ( was on sa+) so needs to come off sen register.

I can't deal with my inner rage and hatred any more. It's all I think about. I daydream about just doing a Jeremy Kyle on the day and climbing over table and punching this la rep. At least then something will have come out of this fiasco.

I feel like I'm prostututing my sons personal details and the la and school are just laughing at me.

Why is this so nasty? The la are even snipping me in their emails to sendist.

Going to rise over it, but not sure I can keep a lid on my temper on the day. Obviously I would never really do anything - but I know I will get annoyed.

Pointless rant. Never felt so isolated ever.

[blanklook]

2boys

[Ineedmorepatience]

You will keep your temper on the day 2boys, because the panel will help you to tell your story and to put your evidence forward. They will have read your evidence and your LA's before you go so will know what has been said.

Please dont feel isolated, we are here to support you

[KOKOagainandagain]

Act. Be polite. A lot of us know how mad this is - we have been there. In a meeting with the school, the head did actually laugh at the parental response to DS1s draft statement (another teacher was speaking and he didn't know I was observing him) - he was rolling his eyes and suppressing laughing out loud. So what? He was a shit. But now the tosser head is in the past and DS1 is now very happy in his indi ss placement.

Play the long game.

[2boysnamedR]

I just feel like I can't win whatever I do. School are saying he's totally fine yet that's not the child I know.

Comments was made today about him having boundarys. He does have boundaries. But he just can't do some things, he doesn't get some things. Setting boundaries isn't going to help him "normalise". He is well behaved most of the time so I have no idea what that means? If I insist he flushes the loo that isn't going suddenly give him the strength to do it. If I insist he talks like a normal person that will not provide him with the ability to do so.

I'm done with fighting every single detail. Two kids with sen so I have to do this all again. Not sure I can live like this, I can't do this process again. Urgh!

[Icimoi]

If they're sniping at you in emails to the tribunal, it could be worth sending a polite reply, copied in to the tribunal, which includes something like "It is a pity that you feel it appropriate to make wholly unjustified personal attacks on me. This is not in accordance with the overriding objective and I must ask you to deal with this case professionally and courteously."

[blanklook]

Would it be better if you got someone else to do it for you or at least be there to support you, someone who is not emotionally invested and who can state terms factually, referencing articles and reports etc. to emphasize exactly what your dc's needs are and how school can provide support.

Don't start any sentences with emotion, e.g. "I feel" take a deep breath, step outside the situation, what would you advise a stranger to do if their circumstances were the same as yours?

Of course you can do it again for the next child, you will have gained the experience from this tribunal to know exactly what it's best to do and not do next time. Then, having completed two tribunals successfully you can help other people who will be at the same place you are now.

[2boysnamedR]

I really hope I can help others after this - I have a lot to repay to this board.

I have representation so maybe I just need to say minimum and let my reports talk.

I have been told that the toddler will get a unit or ehcp. Mainstream without 1:1 isn't a option. Mind you, I have been told so much over the years. Most of that has turned out to be lies.

[AgnesDiPesto]

That's why I used a rep on the day because I knew if I spoke it would come over as angry, and I needed to do anything I could to avoid that because the LA was painting us as difficult and obstructive and it would have played into their hands. They lied on the day too. Like huge whopping lies. It was unbelievable.
So you have to stay calm. Say as little as you can. Make it your job to find the bits in the file that expose the lies, put it on a post it and let the rep deal with it.
No one knows the case better than you, yours is just one of many to them.
No one knows your child better than you. That means when you give egs of what they can't do, you can list plenty of egs and speak with authority.
Go in with lists of very specific egs of difficulties. They won't be able to dispute these or list nearly as many egs. Their rep has probably never met your child.

And tribunals see LAs lie all the time, they know it happens.

We did a written response to the lies in the LA bundle because we knew we probably wouldn't get a chance to say half of it on the day. So they served a lever arch file on us. And on the last day of evidence we served one on them rebutting point by point with evidence.

They then had the audacity to say it was unfair for us to serve that much new evidence at the last minute! It was surreal. They made up lots of false allegations then moaned about being caught out at the last minute with other docs we had which disproved their lies.

On the day just avoid all the pettiness and just say that all very interesting (insert whatever distracting nonsense they throw around) but I am not here today to discuss .... I am here to discuss my child. Just keep bringing it back to the child and don't get dragged in to mud slinging, because it's always going to be much more emotional for you and you are more likely to react badly and they know that, which is why they do it.

Often the Sen officers don't even believe they should be fighting the case but are forced by their managers to do it.

You will get listened to. It's almost a relief to be in the tribunal room and finally have people hear what you have to say.