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I havn't been out ( for a evening out ) for at least 5 years, yet again dh will attend the Christmas party without me, anyone else?

(13 Posts)
marne2 Wed 26-Nov-14 13:59:48

Both dd's have SN's, I find it hard to get child care, the only person that's looked after dd2 is my mum and she's not that reliable. Every year I get asked to dh's work party but my mum is always too busy to baby sit ( working of she's going out ). Because of dd2's love for routine it makes it hard to leave her with a stranger, everything has to be done correctly and in the right order or all hell will break loose ( though she is getting a bit more flexible as she gets older ). I feel a bit sad that dh and I never go out on our own unless it's for a quick bite to eat when the dd's are at school.

Anyone else find it hard to get child care?

PolterGoose Wed 26-Nov-14 14:08:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minionmadness Wed 26-Nov-14 14:32:39

Is it bad to find comfort in the fact that others have as rubbish a social life as me?

I haven't been out since before the dts's were born, nearly 7 years ago. A parents asked me yesterday to join them on a mums Christmas night out in the week... if only. I explained that DH works away mon-frid so I would have to decline, she, quite innocently suggested I leave dts1 ASD with a sitter.

Some people really have no clue.

ouryve Wed 26-Nov-14 14:36:28

DH and I haven't had an evening out together since before DS1 was born, either. I had a night away from home, a couple of years ago, which the boys coped with pretty well.

And DH is going to a work Christmas party for the first time in forever. He's not staying late, though. He'll stay for the meal and a bit of chatter afterwards, then he's taxi sharing with another guy to get home, before everyone else gets drunk and boring. His last evening out was almost 11 years ago when he had a prize to be given for something, by a gaming magazine!

We've worked out that it's easiest to just do lunch together. The boys don't get on, at the best of times and we have no one who can look after both of them.

coppertop Wed 26-Nov-14 15:00:10

No childcare here either.

The last time I went out for an evening with dh was before ds1 was born. Ds1 is now 14yrs old so it's been a while.

It probably helps that we're fairly unsociable ourselves, but I would imagine it's a lot more difficult if you like going out.

magimedi Wed 26-Nov-14 16:34:36

I've just read this as it is in Active Convos .

My DS is NT & now grown up but I just wanted to send you all some flowers & for you to know that I was thinking of you all.

I've said it before, I've learnt so much about SN children from Mumsnet.

marne2 Wed 26-Nov-14 17:07:30

Maybe we should have a mn online xmas party.

I guess I don't really trust anyone enough to look after them, we don't really have anyone that has regular contact with the girls so I feel it would be throwing someone in the deep end if I asked for them to baby sit, I wouldn't be able to enjoy a evening out knowing that dd2 maybe upset at home ( dd1 would probably be ok ).

PolterGoose Wed 26-Nov-14 17:28:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lesley25 Wed 26-Nov-14 18:23:49

We are the same here- no evenings out for we since ds was born and he's now 6, but now he's at school we have a day "(school hours") out where I drop ds off and change (like wonder woman) in the car. It's a real treat and we use dh precious holidays allowance twice a year just for this. I only wish cinemas did 10am showings too!
What I'm trying to say is if you can recreate a date evening in hours you won't feel guilty doing it in. We don't have family or anyone we would feel comfortably leaving ds with because of his asd and it would only add a layer of worry to an evening out anyway for both of us.

coppertop Wed 26-Nov-14 18:45:28

flowers to you too, magimedi.

I like the idea of a MN party. grin

elliejjtiny Wed 26-Nov-14 18:51:00

Me too. I knew things were getting bad when DH went on a speeding course and I was jealous grin. I hate not going out. I don't normally go in for big nights out but I'd love to go to the cinema with DH or even the supermarket would be nice.

I was in hospital having DS5 this year and I ended up in hdu with sepsis. I hardly saw DH as he had to look after the DC's. MIL and FIL (and SIL and BIL) really tried and they managed to have them long enough for DH to be there at the birth but that was it. It was awful him not being there and it was awful having the midwives keep asking me why I didn't have anyone else to look after them.

PolterGoose Wed 26-Nov-14 18:57:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Levismum Wed 26-Nov-14 21:55:50

People really don't understand that some people don't have a big support network. I've 2 ds with ASD. Older ds also has ADHD. I have been out once in 10 years. Didn't even manage to get out for my 40th. I do escape abit more now while they are at school..

When I was having dd, the mw was shocked that dp left as soon as dd was born but he needed to get home before the boys woke up. They needed dp more then I did!

It's pretty shite at times!

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