DC is 4. They have been assessed as having a social interactive development delay of around 2years, and an 18month speech delay. Paeds will complete assessment early next year to decide if to refer on for ASD. Ed psych referral made for probable SEN for behavioural issues.
Preschool is going very badly. DC hitting and kicking at staff and pupils when overwhelmed. So bad that I have started going in and acting as de facto one to one - it's like I'm translating the situation into terms DC can understand. No staff member has worked with us this week - I've been following DC around and interceding when it looks like kicking off. DC very stressed by preschool - very unhappy there, talks about how they are a naughty child there (DC knows the behaviours which are 'naughty' but seems unable to control them which increases their anxiety hugely)
Today. I was told that on Monday they have VIPs coming from local education dept and could I therefore not bring DC in. This was later 'clarified' to mean that they were worried DC might react badly to strangers (not true, never suggested or discussed) and that I should bring them in later when then visitors had gone.
Any ideas where I go from here? I'm quite unhappy that my DC should be kept out of sight because of their SN/SEN - do I need to get a grip? Am I massively over reacting? I was thinking if not taking them in on Monday but instead phoning paeds / ed psych and explaining the deteriorating situation wrt DC behaviour and asking to speed up referral.
Btw one DC, trying to be gender neutral (not sure why as preschool would obvs recognise this scenario but still...)
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
Where the heck do I go from here?
CrunchieFeeling · 07/11/2014 19:34
I am sorry if this seems harsh but I wouldnt be going back, ever!!
This is your Ds's first experience of education and it is rubbish!!
I would be looking for a setting that is inclusive and that is going to take advice from outside professionals about how best to include your Ds.
Good luck
Phew I read the first few words there and thought I was going to be bollocked 
I was in touch with an advice service for ASD who help support parents and schools and they have been advising the preschool to limit his time there to only thirty minutes a day which is missing part of the problem - he doesn't melt down at the end of his time there; often it starts badly with an episode as soon as he goes in.
Ha ha! Nope no bollocking on the SN pages we are very friendly
Hmm, it is difficult if the setting are being told to reduce his sessions.
Part of the problem in my experience with so called ASD advisors is that they often see all children with Asd as the same and try to apply the same strategies for all the children that they work with 
Just remember that no matter what anyone says you know your Ds better than anyone and the preschool [if you want him to stay] need to work with you!
Also if his social development is delayed he will need them to treat him as though he is a younger child when it comes to settling, behaviour and following rules and routines!
A friend of mine was recently told that her child with autism was immature!!! Well no shit sherlock! That would be because she has developmental delays 
And this was from an outstanding Nursery which is supposed to be inclusive!
Education is a minefield 
Btw Thank you both for your responses. I'm grateful you've taken the time to reply 
Hello first name! In the end we didn't take dc in to preschool - I left a quick message but didn't get into the whys and wherefores and my feeling is, when I take dc in to morrow, that I will avoid them them too.
I can't see anything positive in talking about why they didn't want dc in today. It was in fact the early years representative that they wanted us hidden from. I think that whilemI'm plenty angry at the idea of hiding my son away, I think going forward, everything has to be focused on supporting ny dc as much as possible - that's the important bit isn't it? So if anyone has any ideas about how the preschool can help then Im all ears - I know they mentioned an IEP but don't know if one has been completed. Any ideas on things to help ds - I was thinking of structuring his time there more, so a laminated chart with say four places for different activities to be stuck on, and the when they're done it would be home time? Also, if I'm there, then a member of staff working with me and ds - they were kinda shrug-gy last week and left us alone saying "well you have that bond with him" but they could join in a little to create a bond? Does anyone have any other ideas - I would be really grateful for any thoughts
CrunchieFeeling - Much kudos to you Obviously your DS should be your main focus, and by concentrating oh him and what he needs you'll be heading in the right direction.
My gut feeling is that his current preschool is not (and may not be able to) meet his needs. I'm certainly no expert but in your position (and if there were no other way of finding an alternative) I'd be doing one of two things:
- Arrange a meeting with DS's key worker (he should have one). Ask about the goals they hope he can achieve during the remaining time he will spend there and what you - as a parent - can do to support this. If the meeting is refused or is unsatisfactory, proceed to the second suggestion regardless.
- Alternatively, try to find contact details of the "Early Years" team in your area, explain your situation and ask them what you as a parent can do to support DS in his current setting.
I realise my second suggestion might seem a bit "underhand", but as explained in the EYFS statutory framework, "All schools and Ofsted-registered early years providers must follow the EYFS, including childminders, preschools, nurseries and school reception classes", and quite frankly from what I've read so far, your preschool is not doing this effectively.
Much information about the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS) can be found here: www.foundationyears.org.uk/eyfs-statutory-framework/
Aside from this, I can only suggest a few tips gleaned from my own DS's key worker (which have helped us immensely so far, though of course this effectiveness is subjective and may not work for you):
- Be clear about your (and preschool's) expectations of behaviour
- Eye contact (including getting down to DS's level) when communicating with him.
- Short, clear instructions
- Makaton and visual aids (pictures of happy/sad faces, for example) to reinforce what you are saying
- (Small) Group time daily (max 3 or 4 children) to encourage turn taking and socialisation through simple games and shared experiences (such as taking turns at snack time). If there's activities you can do at home too, all the better!
- Reinforce positive behaviour
Your idea of a chart with activities sounds like a wonderful starting point =) I might be tempted to try just two or three activities to begin with and build on from there; explain to your DS beforehand and reinforce throughout your time there, make it really visual and consistent.
I really hope for both of you that things work out better soon, one way or another. Sending big hugs and positive vibes your way
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