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Doubting my self, again!

(8 Posts)
Holycowiloveyoureyes Fri 07-Mar-14 13:08:49

Just had parent's evening. DS is a star pupil apparently. Teacher has introduced a visual timetable after our last parent's evening, she seemed surprised when I said he still kicks off at home, as if this timetable would have cured him of all problems.
He's polite and well behaved she says, she said she watches him for any signs of anxiety and can't see any. He's working at average levels (he' s year 2) and above average for maths, aiming for 3b at the end of the year.

Basically she thinks he's fine. Me in my paranoia thinks she thinks we're the problem and it' s all in my head.

We've got someone going in in April to assess him. They're not going to see anything are they? I'm terrified and gutted people don't see the side of him we do.

Maybe it is normal for 7 year olds to behave as he does, maybe we've made him like he is, upped his anxiety, made him obsessive and want to die sad

My head is a mess sad

2boysnamedR Fri 07-Mar-14 13:23:03

It's not you, it's not you!

I doubt myself every day, every step of the way. However ds has a diagnosis of dyspraxia. My parenting did not make him hyper mobile or give him hypertona. Neither did I give him a speech defect.

I can blame myself all I like, it changes nothing and only destroys me more. I have to remind myself he was born that way and I was more healthy in his pg then in his gifted brothers pregnancy

tacal Fri 07-Mar-14 16:10:00

my ds is doing really well at school and has a dx of autism. when I was at a NAS seminar recently they told us that it was common for children who have an ASD to hold it together all day at school and then let all their emotions out once they are home.

the teachers keep telling me how well my ds is doing and how sociable he is. he is doing well because he likes the routine of school and is supported well by the teachers. But as soon as my ds leaves school if everything isn't exactly as he expects it to be he will have a meltdown.

my ds was assessed in a school classroom setting and got a dx. It was a summer school for kids with social and communication difficulties. He behaved really well but the assessors said it was obvious to them he has autism.

I felt exactly as you do while I was waiting for my ds to be assessed. It is a worrying time. I hope it all goes well x

Jerbil Sun 09-Mar-14 04:21:45

NAS used an analogy that is brilliant for us! Holding a bottle of Pepsi max. She said this is Max. Then described each flash point for Max as he went through the day, things like playtime, sensory issues, smells at dinner time, noise etc etc. each time she mentioned an issue she shook the bottle. Having shook the bottle about 20 tes she said imagine max is on his way home. Mum asks him did he have a nice day! Now he's in comfort zone he allows himself to release all of this stress from the day. Thankfully she didn't but she told us imagine if she opened the bottle, what would happen!

I too this explanation to school. It helped a little.

The problem is with schools that teachers are trained to teach and not identify medical issues. Such issues are beyond most and it is us who are left to pick up the pieces.

Pursue any medical help you can. Unless you have medical insight it will be very difficult to get them to put things in place.

I still doubt myself and even wonder sometimes if the medical professions are just assessing my son to see if school are right! But that's my paranoia and I try to ignore it!

zzzzz Sun 09-Mar-14 04:54:18

You must stop caring what the teacher thinks. Care about what she thinks of him academically, don't expect her input on your parenting or his medical dx. Tell me would you care what his swimming teacher thought?

Teachers aren't Drs. They know little to nothing about medicine. Many of them know only limited amounts about parenting. This is all way beyond their remit. They are not there to help you parent your child (though many will try), their job is to educate him.

Vey very few people will even voice a concern about their child. It is highly highly unlikely you have fabricated the whole thing. It is even more unlikely that you could induce such behaviour.

It will all get easier to manage.

PolterGoose Sun 09-Mar-14 08:51:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Holycowiloveyoureyes Sun 09-Mar-14 09:55:43

Thank you all.

I'm terrible at worrying what people in "authority" think, I need to stop, you're right.

This weekend has made me realise I'm not making it up. His obsessiveness has made me remember why we're doing this.

I need a kick up the arse sometimes from people who understand. Like DH said, why would we make this up? What would we gain from admitting we're struggling, everyone wants to pretend their child is "perfect" for want of a better word, so why would we say he's not.

Thank you again. Don't know where I'd be without you kind souls to sound off to.

Skylar123 Sun 09-Mar-14 11:32:56

I doubt myself too sometimes but you have to learn to ignore the 'doubters' that make you feel this way. Concentrate on what you know and keep pushing forward. My Ds won't go to school , school have seen him having meltdowns outside school but he would never do it in school and when he is in school he seems to be fine. When he was observed at school, he was mostly fine! He presents himself well at school and holds himself together but his difficulties
still remain. My only advice would be too believe in yourself and grow a thick skin. I hope the assessment in April is helpful.

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