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another rubbish response from school

(14 Posts)
thriftychic Tue 11-Feb-14 22:45:01

not really SN i suppose , sorry but usually post here as ds2 has AS.
ds2 is 14 and has a facebook account . I have his password and check on him all the time with it . He has a lot of his year group from school on there added as his friends.

yesterday , in school , someone informed ds2 that the night before there had been a big group chat going on on fb where someone in the chat had set up a fake account pretending to be ds2 .
I was able to check this whole chat / conversation out on ds2 facebook , as someone had invited him into chat during it, which makes it visible for him (i think)
anyway , ds2 was nowhere near facebook whilst this chat was going on ( we were playing monopoly)
I am really dismayed by what i have read . This one person that has pretended to be ds2 must have said some hideous abusive stuff to the others in the chat , the others are all retaliating in their responses . i cant see what the person pretending to be ds2 has actually said as it was removed and now just says 'removed due to abusive conten t' where the comments were. it must have been pretty horrid though because the others in the chat are really horrid back .
they are calling ds2 all the names under the sun , very personal stuff and disgusting insults about me and ds2 dad aswell . the fake ds2 must have suggested a fight at some point as one lad threatens to send his dad to stab him ! and another comment was something like ' oh ye as if! you curly haired crooked teeth f*$k'

i have been in to school today and school have said that they cant do anything but keep an eye out for any trouble as it isnt somehing that has happened in school .
i had a pdf copy of the conversation to show them , so they could see which lads were involved but they refused to even look at it , saying they couldnt due to privacy or something . They just didnt want to know .
they suggested i go to the police. ds2 is begging me not to go to the police as he says it will make it worse and hes not really that bothered .
ds2 just does not need this kind of crap and i am furious that someone has done this to him .
so , ive had a rant now...and breathe

zen1 Wed 12-Feb-14 00:19:20

I don't know whether you heard it at all but there was a discussion about this kind of cyber bullying on Radio 4 today (You and Yours) and it was pretty heart-wrenching as to how it had affected some of the victims. If someone is threatening your dS2, even though he had nothing to do with what was posted by the person impersonating him, then I think it does need to be taken seriously and at the very least people need to realise it wasn't him making the comments. If you had a word with the police they maybe could advise you (or the school?) on the best course of action.

To be honest I think it is a cop out that the school don't want to get involved. If it was physical bullying they would implement their anti-bullying policy. Just because the bullying is taking place on the net, it is still bullying and the school should be acting on it.

PolterGoose Wed 12-Feb-14 07:29:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thriftychic Wed 12-Feb-14 11:44:08

dh is going into the police station today with the copy of the conversation. i have sat here and re read it all and i think i have a good idea who it might be . There are twin boys who were at primary with ds2 and loved to wind him up even then , they were the ones who said 'invite him to the chat ' and i think thats because they had just created the fake account . thats how it looks anyway .
sad

StarlightMcKingsThree Wed 12-Feb-14 13:25:39

It's good you are going to the police.

The school are wrong and refusing to help is unethical. It might not have happened IN school but those children are representative of the school and their cohesion a result of attending.

If those children had gone out in a gang and hurt another child physically they would have had to do something.

You need to explain to the police that your child is vulnerable, disabled and as such has a protected characteristic which means his involvement in the process of justice will have to be limited and you will be advocating.

wetaugust Wed 12-Feb-14 14:04:54

I think you'll need to chnage school. He will forever be the laughing stock at his current school after this.
He needs a fresh start at a new school and, given the circumstances, the LA should be able to make that happen quickly. I would also notify the LA about school's lack of interest in these going-ons too.

hiddenname Wed 12-Feb-14 15:08:19

Have been in a similar situation where ds lost all his friends because of incorrect information on a social website. The school did nothing at all even though teachers were specifically named on the website as giving the false info to children angry
Ofsted do now consider how schools deal with cyber bullying so it might be worth complaining to them if the school is unwilling to act. As wet said, a change of school might be for the best sad

adoptmama Thu 13-Feb-14 11:50:34

I hope that you get somewhere with the police. In defense of the school I really don't think there is any way they can involve themselves. From what you have said the incident didn't involve use of school computers, it didn't happen during school time and it doesn't therefore fall under any kind of legal remit the school has to take disciplinary action. Of course they will welcome knowing that there are problems in the peer group and can ask teachers to be on the lookout for issues. But they cannot punish the children involved. If your son had been invovled in a physical confrontation out of school you couldn't reasonably expect the school to punish those involved and this is no different. The school can only take action against incidents which do somehow involve the school directly or which continue during the school day - e.g. if the children involved continued to verbally abuse your son during the school day. They cannot punish for behaviour - however horrible - which happens off their premises and out of their time.

Good luck with the police though. Even if they just have a word with the children and parents it should be enough to make them think twice before victimising someone else again. I hope your son has no further problems with those involved.

StarlightMcKingsThree Thu 13-Feb-14 12:54:56

I strongly disagree. A school stands in its community.

When there was a reported attemped child abduction in the area the school did training for staff, parents and children. They put more staff on at playtimes and at the gates before and after school. They worked with the police and staff agreed to keep a look out on their way to and from school. Leaflets were handed out and parents were instructed what and how to talk to their children about it.

By your reckoning the school should have not done this!?

StarlightMcKingsThree Thu 13-Feb-14 12:56:38

There is an education opportunity here as well as a child safety issue. How can you say it is okay for the school to shrug and deny help?

bruffin Thu 13-Feb-14 13:16:40

I hope that you get somewhere with the police. In defense of the school I really don't think there is any way they can involve themselves.

Why? I know very well dc's school have got involved in this type of thing on more than one occasion. They even called in the police to give the boys involved a good talking to.

adoptmama Thu 13-Feb-14 13:39:27

No, Starlight, by my reckoning the school should have done exactly what it did, which was increase the safeguarding knowledge and skills of those directly working with the children, and issue information to the parents. The reported attempted abduction of a child is something any and all schools will react to immediately. It is not on the same scale as cyber bullying (a statement which does nothing to diminish the impact of cyber bullying) and you cannot link the two events or reactions.

Schools really can't win can they. I did not say it is ok for the school to shrug and deny help. I stated very clearly schools welcome knowing when there are issues amongst peer groups as it helps us to be aware of potential problems. That is what we can do. It is what this school did, so they could be on the look out for any problems in school that they are able to react to.

I did not say there isn't an 'educational opportunity' - all schools include cyber bullying as part of PSHE and IT courses anyway.

What I said is that the school cannot legally give any kind of punishment to children for actions which take place off their premises, outside of the school day and do not involve the misuse of their equipment. When it does do these things schools can and will involve themselves, including calling the police. A child, sitting in his or her own home, under the supervision of his or her parents and using the home computer/cell phone to abuse a peer is not the responsibility of the school and the school has no legal right to punish. This isn't about the school copping out of doing anything, it is about the simple legal fact there are very limited, legal responses they can make. To expect the school to punish children or teens for their actions after the end of the school day when these actions do not involve the school is unreasonable. Schools cannot and should not be given that kind of power. Nor should we as a society expect them to take on this responsibilty. The OP is quite right to take the matter to the police, particularly due to the threats of violence, as that is a potential criminal offense and is the responsibility of the police, not the school, to investigate. The school advised the OP to go to the police as they know they do not have the power to investigate such things.

I wonder how you'd react if your DC came home and said the police had been in to give him/her a 'good talking to' because of something they'd done out of school. Or how you'd react if the school gave your child a punishment, or used their bad behaviour 'as an example' for something they allegedly did out of school. Whilst you may say you would support it, I suspect if it really happened you'd be highly annoyed at the school overstepping its legal authority.

And as I said before, I wish the OP and her son a good resolution over the matter.

bruffin Thu 13-Feb-14 14:34:23

The parents were more than happy with the way the school handled it. The parents were very shocked at what their ds had done. The school handles bullyiing brilliantly. Those boys have not got into further trouble since. That was yr 7 and they are now year 13 and about to leave.

StarlightMcKingsThree Thu 13-Feb-14 14:39:44

It's still a school community, whether it is on the premises or not. The school may be limited in what they can do, but there is still tonnes they can do within that limit and imo, should have done.

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