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ds running in front of cars!!

(10 Posts)
Eulalia Mon 09-Feb-04 18:13:21

Today ds ran in front of a car just outside school. This is the 2nd time in just a few days. He had been quite good about crossing the road as they were teaching it at nursery. However recently he has seemed to have forgotten everything. Last week he had crossed the road to the car and crossed back again when he saw another child. The car he ran in front of was quite far away but today he was really close although fortunately the car was going really slowly. I could see the driver looking around as if to say “where is the parent?” The problem is that I am pushing dd in the pram and ds always runs ahead (refuses to hold my hand). All the schoolkids and other nursery kids are opening the front gate and he just squeezes past them into the street. The first thing he does is look for the car and because one is not allowed to park directly outside the school he always has to cross the road. He is fine when he gets to the car and just waits but I am thinking he is an accident waiting to happen if a car driving fast is going by.

I mentioned this to the psychologist way back in Oct and asked her if I could use the staff car park as it is right next to the nursery at the back of the school. She felt that this wasn’t teaching him road safety and suggested at nursery he make something delicate to carry to the car (so he has to walk slowly) but he’s not really interested in carrying things like this and often hands them to me to hold. Parents aren’t allowed to use the car park as it is supposed to be dangerous with small kids running around but I feel this is ironic. I don’t know whether to get back to the psychologist, or approach the headteacher to see if they can make a special case or speak to someone else? He is registered disabled (autistic for those who don’t know) - physically is fine but I feel I have grounds to state that he is a danger to himself on mental grounds. As I am getting DLA should I be spending the money on an escort to help me with nursery, or should I ask social work to help. I don’t feel it is the school’s responsibility but it would make life easier if I can use their car park.

Any thoughts?

twiglett Mon 09-Feb-04 18:17:37

message withdrawn

coppertop Mon 09-Feb-04 18:33:43

I would ask if you could use the car-park. The psychologist's theory was nice but, as we all know, theories don't necessarily work in practice.

Besides, if his disability was a more obvious one you probably wouldn't hesitate to ask.

Good luck. xx

Jimjams Mon 09-Feb-04 19:02:35

This has come up with me recently. Ds1 has started to run out into the road a lot. I asked school if I could use the staff car park when I have him and ds2 and they said yes. When I just have ds1 I park outside as I can grab him then.

I agree with teaching road safetly but I can only teach him road safety when he is 1:1. Can;t teach a dead child road safety (stupid psychologist).

At nursery there is no staff car park, but if I have both boys someone now helps me out to the car.

mrsforgetful Mon 09-Feb-04 19:11:04

No advice - but know how you feel- our school is on a busy road and we have a lolipop lady etc- yet i choose to cross further down the road away from all the other families---as I am better able to concentrate myself if we are away from the crowds- and secondly- my boys are not being pushed and squeezed by the other kids....or following another child who has run off...don't know if it's possible for you to cross away from the main bulk of people-in our case there are traffic lights at the bottom of the road which 'luckily' cause a build up of traffic- and we can time it so that we cross when the lolipop lady stops it as well as the traffic lights....however I really know what you mean by the drivers who are giving filthy looks to you when your child runs off- I've nearly witnessed ds3 get runover a few weeks ago (the driver gave me a FILTHY look!- purely because i was watching ds2 (who the paed says isn't autistic enough to get a dx )I frequently feel i am distracted from making my 4yr old safe- because i am stopping ds2 from running off-yet to the drivers i am ignoring my 4yr old....who is as small as most 3yr olds....so looks far to small to be 'walking the streets'- what i have managed to do since is hold each of their hands and told them to 'stay behind me' -so i worm through the traffic first- however ds2 takes this to extremes and practically rides on my heels!

Davros Tue 10-Feb-04 08:45:15

I think you should try to plan some roead saftey training (can Psych help?) but he needs to be SAFE in the meantime! I'd definitely ask to use the car park and say you're planning to work on the problem but it won't happen overnight. THen, if poss, I think you need to go out with him on your own for short walks, no specific purpose, maybe post some letters or get a mag but nothing that matters if you don't do it and work slowly on short trips, getting longer. Can you take something in your pocket (good old choc buttons?) and when he's walking nicely, looking for cars etc reward him. Would pictures be a good idea, you can take a mini schedule with you or take a camera and make a nice (social) story book.

Jimjams Tue 10-Feb-04 09:58:23

ds1 ran out into the road AGAIN this morning.

We're using PECS (and at school) and using photos to make a social story (again with school).

In the meantime I'm parking in the school car par park when I have ds2 with me as well.

Eulalia Tue 10-Feb-04 18:26:25

Thanks everyone, logged on earlier but didnt get a chance to respond. phoned the school today adn spoke to the assist head and she readily agreed to let me use the school car park - she is checking with the head but it should be OK from now on. so that is one less thing to worry about.

Davros - he is fine actually in other situations although I do keep a close eye on him - we even went to the city centre last week. If there is lots of traffic he is wary. the prob with the school is that it is a quiet road with just the occasional car so he is lulled into a sense of security and he has a thing about running to the car just in the nursery situation. I think it is having to teach him that ALL traffic situations are potentially dangerous. Will try social stories but he's not good at recognising that stories apply to real life at the moment. However he is getting better.

Good luck to you too jimjams.

Davros Wed 11-Feb-04 10:34:06

Eulalia, good news about the car park, that's the best solution for now. Maybe a few photos used informally would be OK as my son just loves looking a photos anyway. He'll probably just click after a while. Will he be OK about you changing to being in the car park? Will he need telling beforehand?

Eulalia Fri 13-Feb-04 21:32:17

Davros - he was fine about the car park. Told him beforehand and no probs. He is a lot less rigid about this kind of thing nowadays but can be difficult in more subtle ways. So things get easier in one way but harder in others - I am sure you know what I mean!

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