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somebody please tell me to get a grip.

(22 Posts)
Dev9aug Mon 29-Oct-12 11:44:03

DS1 ABA tutors is off sick this morning and for some reason this has made me panic. My mind is running at a million miles per hour thinking that we have failed him because

1) We didn't start PECS soon enough
2) We didn't apply for a SA.
3) We haven't chosen a school for him yet.
4) Infact, we don't even know which borough we are going to move to.
5) we are struggling to engage with him apart from on his own terms.
6) His tutors are ill, so not he most reliable at the moment. so I need to look for new tutors and because we are moving, I cannot decide whether to waste our energies on finding one here or wait until we move.

so this morning I have been in manic rush and emailed everybody under the sun for help and advice. I know we need to deal with them all but my head is spinning and I can't think straight. I am trying to write it all down on a screen and see what I need to deal with first and assign priorities. In the meantime, feel free to come and tell me to get a grip and part with any useful advice for me to make sense of it all.

cornybeefhash Mon 29-Oct-12 11:48:28

First of all get yourself a coffee and a biscuit
Stop blaming yourself!
You are doing loads of brilliant stuff for ds

SallyBear Mon 29-Oct-12 12:00:50

Oh Dev. I sympathise. You want to fix everything and don't quite know where to start. Story of my life right now!
If you want to start somewhere. I would look at the borough move first. Work out where you are going to move first. Then locate a new ABA teacher and start the SA process with the new LA.
The PECS thing. Have you been on a course yet? Pyramid run them most weeks for two days at a time. Have you also looked at doing signalong with him? It's going to be really what is going to be best way to open up that two way communication. My DS4 was not ready for PECS last year, but they (school) want to make a start with it again. He is also starting to sign a couple of things, more and hello. It's a start. smile
Anyway. List them in order of priority in terms of what you can achieve first rather than give yourself a hard deadline. The SA process can take months, so from what I understand it's best to make sure all the evidence is gathered first.

SallyBear Mon 29-Oct-12 12:02:22

And you and Mrs Dev are doing a brilliant job. smile

zzzzz Mon 29-Oct-12 12:21:33

You know what dev CHILL!

This is not a disaster, this is someone off sick. Pecs will not save him, they help but in the same way comfy socks rather than itchy ones help you focus.

You know everyone else is having half term. You can do that too.

Turn up heating,

strip child to pants,

fill 3 plastic cups with shaving foam and mix a bit of food colouring into each one,

add paint brush and drop the whole lot in the bath to "do some painting".

When child and bath tub are suitable rainbow add warm water.

You have now cleaned bath,

washed child,

given child sensory "experience"

and I hope had a cup of tea.

It gets better dev. Much much better. Hold your nerve. Keep calm. The boy he can be and the boy he is going to be are getting closer every day, because of you.

Dev9aug Mon 29-Oct-12 12:39:32

Thank you Cornybeefhash, we are doing loads, but I feel it is partly to assauge our guilt. It does help him offcourse, we wouldn' be doing it otherwise but probably not as much at the same time.

Sally yes, too many things to do and we feel like we are losing the plot a little bit, definitely need to reevaluate our priorities. I cannot attend the PECS course but have booked a PECS trainer to come and train us at home. We did signalong, but it was not right for us, maybe in future, but not right now.
yes to evidence, I have all what is needed to apply for a SA, just need to decide where I am going to apply to. It is all coming together just need a little bit of patience.

zzzzz, The second tutor was able to cover so we are ok on that front, but we know now that it is not the tutors who are going to make a difference, It has to come from us. So we are going to use tutors as a form of respite and do the bulk of work ourselves. and thanks for your words, you are very kind.

WofflingOn Mon 29-Oct-12 12:59:37

{smile] I think you have a grip, and that most posters here are saying to relax it a bit. Especially the one you have on yourself.
You have not failed your son in any way, you love him, are there for him and are doing your best to ensure he gets what he needs. As has been said, PECS, SA and the rest are tools along the way, you are his best asset.
Writing lists helps me sort out things better, gets it clear in my head. But I'm also a seize the moment sort of person. I don't fret the future much because when I get there everything has changed anyway. I do small steps, and I look back a lot to see how far we've come and how many things we have accomplished.

zzzzz Mon 29-Oct-12 13:03:54

You need to let yourself beleive he will be ok. That your family will be ok. That there will be happy times and proud moments.

It's hard to let yourself beleive that, because then if it doesn't happen you will be sad.

It's far worse to settle for less than he can be.

But and it is a huge BUT it doesn't have to be desperate and yearning, and exhausting, and endlessly questioning "is it enough? Is it too late?".

Whatever you beleive that child landed in your family. I think you can make that a triumph, for you, for him and for those of us reading your thoughts.

My advice on the move is that the school is everything. Look round schools till you find one that fits, then plasticine your life around it. Does it have to be SWLondon? Look everywhere if you can.

troutsprout Mon 29-Oct-12 13:11:42

Have a day off too!
Relax and chill a bit... It's half term for most people.
And NEVER do that 'if we'd only done this or that earlier 'thing. That way lies madness. You are doing the right things now ... That's what is going to make the difference.

WofflingOn Mon 29-Oct-12 13:20:41

'And NEVER do that 'if we'd only done this or that earlier 'thing. That way lies madness. You are doing the right things now ... That's what is going to make the difference.'

smile Yup!

coff33pot Mon 29-Oct-12 14:23:26

I in boots on phone so brief but worrying at high speed makes you deal with everything at much slower pace smile

It WILL be ok x
One thing at a time or u will bombard yourself with too much at once.

Dev9aug Mon 29-Oct-12 15:27:48

Yes, shoulda, coulda, woulda doesn't really help, but sometimes you can't help it. Anyhow, the little panic episode is over. I can now start to tick things on my list one by one.

Thank you, you have all helped but more than anything, Coff33pot's gangsta post has definitely made me smile...

"I in boots on phone", classic.

HotheadPaisan Mon 29-Oct-12 15:44:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dev9aug Mon 29-Oct-12 16:47:15

hothead he is 3y3m.

HotheadPaisan Mon 29-Oct-12 16:55:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz Mon 29-Oct-12 17:36:24

How is he doing dev?
Last I remember sleeplessness was driving you all crazy.
Is ABA helping?

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 29-Oct-12 18:30:58

You've too many balls in the air and it is unsettling.

You'll find somewhere to put down your roots and then start to grow from there. In the meantime just do what you can whilst your journying.

I think the early years are fairly traumatic tbh because you feel like you are racing the clock whilst trying to ignore your own grieving (because there just isn't time or space for that) for the child and life you might have lost. It's also terrifying with so many unknowns.

But there really is no need to panic. Just set off in a direction and refine along the way. Don't be a perfectionist because you'll get things wrong. Just recognise those times as self-development, learn and action quickly.

Dev9aug Mon 29-Oct-12 18:50:44

hothead you are probably right, when progress is slow, you do start to question everything.

zzzzz sleep is loads better. Earlier on it was due to constipation so he was in pain and couldn't tell us. Now he sleeps well generally but there are issues relating to sensory regulation. If he has an exciting day, he finds it harder to switch off, but we are doing a course of sensory integration starting next week so hopefully that will help. ABA is working but progress is not as fast as I imagined it would be, but there is progress.

starlight yes, there is probably a lot of truth in what you say. We have probably set the bar too high. No time for grievance here, Whilst we are doing everything we possibly can, I think we are still in denial about his dx. Is that even possible?

HotheadPaisan Mon 29-Oct-12 19:09:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dev9aug Mon 29-Oct-12 19:49:26

1 year and 11 days.. Come to think of it, that might have something to do with how I am feeling? confused

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 29-Oct-12 19:51:12

If you move near me and can sort out my childcare I'll do some tutoring for you?

Dev9aug Mon 29-Oct-12 20:33:38

Ooh star you are on, that's an offer I can't possibly refuse.

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