good resources for grandparents of asd child?

[thisisyesterday]

so after a weekend with his grandparents it transpires that grandpa is of the opinion that ds1's behaviour is pretty much down to the way we bring him up and that ASD is just an excuse.
Not sure how he explains the fact that ds2 and ds3 are just fine, I guess we just conveniently forget that for the moment!

anyway, giving him the benefit of the doubt DP has asked if there are any resources that we could point the grandparents in the direction of.
we're just looking for something that explains what asperger's/hfa is, and how and why it causes certain behaviours

example. we went out to a farm park place. DS1 wants a go on something and doesn't want to wait his turn. he gets a bit um, "vocal" with the people in front of him and DP takes him to calm down. Obviously being taken away then prompts a massive meltdown.

I think that DP's dad feels that we need to just put our foot down and punish him.. he can't see that DS1 finds it really hard to wait when there is something he desperately wants to do, or that certain ways of speaking to people are inappopriate. In his eyes he is just naughty.

Other things over the weekend include him (grandpa) making "jokes" to DS1 that he simply doesn't get. He gets angry when he doesn't get what people are saying, esp if they laugh because he feels like they are laughing at him. So his responses are not always particularly nice. Again, DP's dad just thinks he is rude and needs a firmer hand

I should point out that these are things we are actively working on (as well as we can, cos we have no idea what we're doing). We normally use situations like this as a basis for talking about what is and isn't appropriate in certain situations, using "right thing, wrong thing" and setting rules for how to answer people/talk to people.

It doesn't help that DS1 really finds busy, noisy places very stressful at the best of times which is always going to make him harder to deal with, but I think overall he was actually really pretty good while we were there

huh. I guess this was a bit of a rant for me as well as a plea for help! lol :-/

[MangoMonster]

Maybe a course by mencap or theres some good books on amazon based on ideas for play for kids with ASD, which highlight some of the issues but mainly focus on ideas how to have fun together. It's difficult with grandparents, hope you find something that works.

[MangoMonster]

Sounds like you need to get them all a bit more involved in researching about ASD, easier said than done. Don't let them get to you, hopefully they will come round.

[thisisyesterday]

Thanks Mango.
We've sent them a link to the autism uk site which has a very good description of Aspergers on it which may help him see that although DS1 seems "normal" in fact he is struggling a lot with many situations.

It's also hard because we live quite far from them so they don't see the children very often and I guess we all just want it to go smoothly when they do and it's hard for DS1 because he isn't used to having them around

[IndigoBell]

Not sure if it will help or not, but my favourite book is Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew

If he accepts the dx it's a good book. But if he doesn't accept the dx, I'm not sure whether it's the right book :)

[jandymaccomesback]

Finding Asperger Syndrome in the Family, by Clare Lawrence covers all sorts of aspects such as why children with AS find it hard to queue. Quite clear and easy to read. Might be out of print, but Amazon have 2nd hand copies.

[thisisyesterday]

thanks both, have popped those into my amazon basket!

whether or not we'll get the in-laws to read them is another matter, but I will read them both myself first so at least they'll get a bit of use

on a very slight tangent.. if anyone has any recommended reading for general living with a child with ASD i really need them right now :(