CHAMS.... has anyone else had problems with getting them to listen

[XxAlisonxX]

went for an appt yest with ds1 re his behaviour issues, im convinced he has something like ODD or some form of behaviour disorder, the CHAMS guy was the most patronising prat iv ever come across, he didnt listen to a word i said then tried to fob me off by saying we need family therapy what ever that is??. threwout the entire appt i felt that he was blaming me for it all. then at the end ov it all after i asked for another opinion he said he would pass it on to someone else, in the mean time iv still no help or support over my ds.

[hannahsmummsy]

my friend has a ds with asd , and a dd with adhd , she says she finds family therapy a good way to work through issues , so maby they are not trying to fob you off , but i know how you feel , been there myself , many times . I would exept the therapy and give it a chance , you need to take any help on offer in these times of cut backs . would dd may well have ODD , and therapy may well help to convince these so called proffesionals that you are a good parent , and your ds needs help. sorry if thats not what you want to hear , but I really have been there and do understand the totall utter frustration you are feeling . xxxxx

[coff33pot]

I agree with hannahsmummsy

Family therapy isnt a bad thing. I had it with my eldest dd (NT) She had anger issues, refusing to go school, being bullied by kids and teachers etc.

We had an inital family meeting with us all there and yes it was very emotional I got to be honest. But I had to bite tongue and put asside the "you think its all our fault" feeling and let them and my dd talk.

Outcome was they saw dd on her own too and it turned out she needed to see a psychiatrist to help her and that is what she got through us just going to the family therapy and helped her greatly. Also I had to admit that some of the suggestions they gave did help ie talking more, more quality time at dinner table to talk etc.

I can fully understand the defense you have inside that it cant be anything to do with you and can understand how fobbed off you feel but I would go with it and take the offer up. It could lead to exactly the assessment you want for your DS. It stands you it good stead if you try out all their ideas and nothing changes iyswim

[insanityscatching]

Ds sees the top psych at CAMHS and I find him very very good, he certainly takes on board a lot of what I say and goes out of his way to speak to ds in a way they makes him feel comfortable.My experience has been totally different to others I know who go to the same CAMHS though so would imagine it is dependent on who you see and what difficulties you have. Ds has had a dx for more than 13 years and only saw CAMHS in the last six months so I'm not wanting a dx and they seem to recognise that we have coped really well so far.

[Ineedalife]

We have been lucky so far with CAMHS they have been very supportive and I have never had the feeling that they are blaming us for Dd3's quirks.

However, when Dd1 was seen by several health proffessionals when she was little I was always made to feel that I was being blamed. She was extremely challenging and still has lots of issues now at 22. So I know exactly how you are feeling.

FWIW I agree with hannahsmummy too and think that it will only support what you are saying if you agree to the family therapy. What I would also do is keep a diary of your ds's behaviour including what triggered the behaviour and how you dealt with it, to show that you are being consistant.

Our diary has made more people sit up and take notice than anything else.

Good luck.

[cerealmother]

I've had issues with our local CAMHS too, felt as though my DS4's recent downturn in behavious was my fault as 'changes in the family home' and 'parents mental health' was mentioned.
supercilous prat! I walked out, much to my sons delight

[XxAlisonxX]

thanks all, im stil unsure about this family therapy thing for my hubby refuses to deal with CHAMS due to all the previous negatives we have had off them, but on the good had he has said that once we have some idea on what is wrong with Ds he will go on any training, courses, therapy they offer to help us, the other problem i have is the the Edu Psy is against us aswell and the school isnt helping very much apart from every time there is an issue they simply phone us and send Ds home, the 1 thing that hurt me most was when the school said that my Ds is Banned from all school trips because he is a health and saftey risk.

[coff33pot]

The school are there to educate him. He is entitled to an education. How are they not helping? Apart from the obvious like banning him from trips. They have to have a valid reason to tell you he is a health and safety risk.

If they are ringing you then they must see that there is a problem. And so should the Ed psych. He cannot be happy and getting on with work if he is getting upset there. I would either refuse to take him home if they dont see he has a problem and let them deal with it or write a diary of every time they do and their reasons for it.

I think you are in a no win situation at the moment. If you go then your DH might not be happy too but if you dont then you wont be seen to be trying to help your DS. It is good that your DH has said he will go on any courses should they be needed but try and stress to him in a way that he would understand that in order to get your son help he has to support whatever meeting arises and take it on the chin. Hard and sometimes very personal though it is, it is all for the benefit of DS

[XxAlisonxX]

i would keep a diary if i even knew the reasons to why they send him home, for every time i get a differant excuise her are some of the things iv been given as a reason. disruptive behaviour, dangerous behaviour, disturbing behaviour, swearing, shouting, violent behaviour, but iv never actually got to the botttom ov what has really happened or what he has done,

[coff33pot]

If I get "the phone call" I go up to school and ask to speak to the head or whoever has made the call. When I am directed to where DS is I merely say hi and say I will be back after I have spoken to whoever made the call and get the facts. I dont and wont just take him home.

If they call him disruptive then why.......dangerous........how. You need to build up a pattern. There is always a reason for a childs behaviour.

[XxAlisonxX]

my ds is in high school, at times they have allready sent him on his way, the school he attends is 2 bus journeys away and sometimes rather hard to actually get to the school before they have sent him home. u know that i know that about the behaviour, but the school is rather unhelpfull as you might have gathered from my other posts,

[coff33pot]

oh hell! mmmmm well the only other thing I can suggest is actually emailing them with your concerns stating exactly what you have put here. That he is getting sent home for XY or Z and that no thorough explaination is being given. You could take the upper hand and state that whilst you appreciate that they shouldnt have to tolerate bad behaviour, if he is sent home in future without a proper explanation then you will just bus him back and write to their governers or school board. Any letter sent to them has to get passed around and acted on so that might well get a response? poor you! x