Hi all, I am wondering how on earth you get a referral to begin assessment for ADHD as I've been passed from pillar to post over the last 4 years, fobbed off with excuses being made for ds2s behaviour/actions and sent on countless parenting courses.
DS2 is almost 6, will be starting yr1 in September. He was always a difficult baby, constant craving attention, nothing I did was good enough. As he got older I just couldn't handle him, I would be curled up in a corner crying because I just didn't know what I'd done wrong. My ex never believed me that there was anything wrong with him (he was barely at home so hardly saw him so made me feel really crap and made out that I was imagining it all). When I split up with him I decided to try and get help with ds2, when I moved house my new HV came round, I was going to ask her to refer me to someone but instead he was on form and she practically ran out of here in shock at his behaviour. I spent the next year seeing the nursery nurse, going on parenting courses, discussions, workshops etc,having one on one parenting 'lessons'. None of which were of any use because none of the 'strategies' that they wanted me to use were any good with him. Since then I have been to and fro to the doctors being referred to CAMHS, who saw us for a brief period before discharging us. Again this made me feel pretty crap and as though I really was a crap parent, so again I went to a few parenting things at the local Sure Start centres, but they weren't able to teach me anything new, so back to the doctors I went and came out with another referral to CAMHS. The woman from CAMHS has seen ds2 several times over the last few years and just makes excuses for his behaviour until recently she said she thought he had ADHD. She said that just as she was leaving not giving me any opportunity to ask questions. I saw her a month later when she brushed off all of my questions about ADHD and said she thought he was ready to be discharged as there was no more she could do. After posting on here I went to the GP again and asked for a referral to Child development Paed, she listened to our concerns, nodded etc in all the right places, tried to tell us we were doing all sorts of things wrong, tried to empathise by saying her youngest was 'hard work' at times (if only it was just that with ds2!), tried telling us that all children are different and just because ds1 acts one way doesn't mean ds2 will (erm, yes we know that!). She agreed to look into a referral for us, although I think she just said it to get us out of the room tbh. We had a letter from the doctors last week saying that they had spoken to the necessary people and they felt that a referral wasn't suitable for ds2 but that as discussed it is my parenting skills that are lacking and therefore I need to go on the parenting courses that CAMHS wanted me to attend.
I am sick to the back teeth of being told that it is my parenting that is at fault for the way he is. I'm sorry but the way I parent does not make him spin round in his chair and start biting his feet, it doesn't make him dance round in circles punching his bum, it doesn't make him (on the rare occasion he sits still) sit with his legs tied round his head in a knot, it does not make him stand there kicking himself in the head(!), it doesn't make him watch tv on his head, it doesn't make him (literally) climb and bounce off the walls. I could go on for a long time about the things he does that no amount of good or bad parenting could impact on.
I've just finished doing the Triple P Primary course. What a complete and utter waste of time. According to that children with a 'safe, secure, loving environment' will be well behaved. You need to teach your children road safety & to wear a bike helmet when riding their bikes (while teaching me to suck eggs I suppose) and if you ignore little niggly behaviours they won't escalate into bad/dangerous behaviour , among other things. I'm really insulted that I had to go on this, everyone else there seemed to find it helpful, or maybe they were just saying that as they didn't want to cause offence, but I was pretty blunt when I told them it was a waste of my time.
I've phoned CAMHS today to ask them to refer him to someone else but apparently I can only speak to the particular Primary Mental health worker that ds2 is under. Again I think they were just desperate to get rid of me as eventually they told me that she is on holiday until the end of August adn that there is no duty worker today, but I could phone back in the morning to speak to him if I still wanted to, however he wouldn't be able to do anything as the person who we are dealing with is the only person who can do anything at all, apparently I'm not allowed to see anybody else, only her.
I don't know who else to see or speak to, I don't know what else to ask for, I really am at the end of my tether with all this and just want some help for my little boy and some support for me & DH.
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ADHD - How do you get a diagnosis?
13 replies
26minutes · 28/07/2011 09:53
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